what was that? is that all there is? who is this? this is it.

reinventing the wheel
up-cycled  re-cycled  bi-cycled
a gift    that keeps on re-gifting

smells
better than a bucket of used bar tape
see seized seat post
whiff
belt matches boots
no carpet no drapes no recollection
events in question
memory  loss
in the form of heat
unrealized potential         energy
lumpy  dumpy   fits & starts
textured                top heavy
couch cushion embroidery
reproduced precisely on my cheek                   check
mirror image      ambiguity
keeps them guessing
I guess

 28 days later ± five and a half years

christiania bikes  

I'm nervous and my socks are too loose       

in 1993 this 27 pound hunk of suspension cost $2,999

in 2012 with annual inflation that would be about $4,770

on Craigslist right here right now it's worth about $150

but if it gets you to the grocery store, it's priceless 

I just cleaned up my friend's 9500      it had purple bar ends that match the OCLV swing arm.   I felt the timewarp pushing on my face when I brushed off a bunch of Arizona dust and installed new cables and housing. Then I put a riser bar on it and rock hard 1.5" Armadillos. Seriously.  

A series of short errands strung together
into a life            cycling
in the margins of utility
sincerely  for real  really
seeking authenticity
the subtle satisfaction that
comes with completion of a roundtrip
out and back
completing the circle
hitting for the cycle
setting them up
to knock them down
epic work ethic
follow through
tunnel vision
laser focus
         ·
meaningless
arbitrary deadlines
misdirected energy
goal disoriented
confusion    play-action   crucifixion  
getting pulled in two directions
had a hard time making up my mind
got to get good at making do
but don’t make me do it
like 1” slicks on a full-suspension mountain bike
like ape hangers on a time trial bike
like a fish metaphor mixed out of water
“how does this job fit into your five-year plan?”
she asked at the end of the interview
dumbfounded         seriously
are you fucking kidding me?
you’ve obviously mistaken me for someone
who operates under the assumption that
hard work gets you more than
more hard work

there is no 5 year plan

double darn cycling caps

hand made in Portland

drive side pant leg rolled up                         except 

there is no drive side     and

she's not wearing any pants

sometimes you need a lil push

Underlying themes
Old photos
The big picture
The bigger big big picture
Cheap pitchers of beer
Silkscreened T-shirts
Chief Seattle
Bikes bicycles cycling
Vegetarian corndogs
Alley cats
Morgantini-Case
Moving to Portland
Bike messengers & former bike messengers  
Haircuts
Birthdays
N-30
seven years went under the bridge   like time was standing still

What it is
What it was

Like a fresh coat of paint on a sheet of plywood, a fresh set of wheels makes all the difference. The old basket bike has been collecting dust for a couple years. But the other day I pumped up the tires and rode it to my other-other job for a couple weeks and  that made me realize how I’ve neglected this 33 year old bike since I bought it 13 years ago.  So, first I replaced the handlebar with a mondo sized cruiser that makes the giant basket seem dainty again. Then new brake pads all around. Then a new-used set of wheels and nearly new tires and this bike makes me smile again on slow rides to Safeway and if I had a bike blog I’d tell you all about it.

Bret in ABQ photo

just riding along the coffee-beer continuum with an unobstructed view from a front row seat bolted firmly to a 27.2 seat post.

 …Recent neuroscience demonstrates that the processes of creativity and psychosis map similarly in the brain, each contingent on a reduced number of dopamine D2 receptors in the thalamus. A continuum runs between the two conditions; there is no sharp line.

The creativity-psychosis continuum is the new black. In some time zones it runs parallel to the trusty old coffee-beer continuum and in some, the two actually meet, creating odd five-way intersections where the drivers all look at each other dumbfounded because no one is sure whose turn is next.

I used to always say it's a fine line, like Steve Winwood, a very fine line. But now I'll just say it's day-to-day. 

I got a saddle made of leather

Jason Hultman photo

The kid is getting more comfortable in the cargo bike.

Today   she fell asleep.

Vermont BMX photo

rewinds
replays
regrets, no

The other day I rode to Woodinville with my old lady for a few pints of beer and if I had a bike blog I’d tell you all about it.

I’d blather mumbo jumbo of the latest breathable wind resistant shell I was wearing for one of my sponsors and paragraph on about the active wicking properties of my old lady’s base layer as seen in Outside magazine.  In addition continuously going on endlessly figuratively even though it wasn’t rainy about fenders handmade in Portland from up-cycled hardwoods salvaged from bowling alleys converted to condos with mixed use retail and off-street parking speaking of parking how we like to drive to Kenmore and pull the bikes off the roof rack of the Land Rover to merge seamlessly with Burke-Gilman users weather permitting.

But     I don’t have a bike blog.

We stopped at Matthews Beach for a bottle of bubbly. We rode in jeans and blownout sneakers. There was no spandex there was no neon there was no paceline and there was no carbon fiber there were no toe clips   but it was not clipless.

divisible by 4 with liberty and all that
short term memory limits
the audacity of hope
four years ago and four years to go

a 1:1 actuation ratio
call it a wash
what’s the difference?
what’s the point?

give ‘em an “inch”
they’ll take 2.22 cm
but the stem they need
is  .833

 I found the simple life   ain’t so simple…

…if the simple elegant solution creates three new problems more worrisome than the original, then it’s not so simple and it’s not so elegant.

slap dash
ad hoc
short term
near sight
half ass
sweep under
the rug
outta sight
outta mind
zip tie
duct tape
band aid
buck pass
hand off
finger point
blame game

two steps back
one giant move forward


I can see the top of the trips from the kitchen window.
That’s as close as I get to 5th & Columbia these years.

insert stock pilderwasser photo 2007 2008 2009 2010 2011

repeat as needed                it's 2012 

add bite sized Almond Joy to taste

enjoy

the smell of late October

On a steer tube that’s a country mile long within a "head tube" that's totally perpendicular to the deck the possibilities the permutations the stem and bar combinations are endless with a flat bar  a riser bar or a metropolis bar  width reach rise sweep  25.4 26.0 31.8 in silver and or black stem length   rise or drop   flip or flop   fore or aft   ask me about headset spacers and staying up late trying different stacks stem & bar  mix & match  up & down  on & off    it’s a compromise considering passenger comfort and cable routing with cables clocking the kid in the head versus a crazy close condensed cockpit

awkward

test rides

sweet spot

seeking something   sort of   substantial
by the spoonful
besides unsalted organic peanut butter

blasé like 18 West Mercer
shorter than   1730 Minor
with a really slow elevator

the soup tastes like hot sauce
the hot sauce tastes like soup
where the well manicured sidewalk ends

Joshua Putnam photo

in the rain

in the dark

when you're drunk

sharrows won't help

on one of the worst surface

surface streets in Seattle 

remember full fenders
cold hands and blinky lights
butt cracks and zipper stacks

remember ketchup as a vegetable
uphill both ways
in the snow

remember when darts was darts
fish & chips were everywhere
malt vinegar heavy in the air 

Horizontal stripes stacked
Atop the butterfly effect

Priorities
Proximities

Lead to assumption
Traditionally

When 10-9 Day
Follows Columbus Day

Consecutively
Anything goes

climate     change       contingency

Venice Cruiser      Lane Kagay

three degrees of ABC

former messengers

different cities

lowercase   g

The paper towels are for cleaning up cat puke among other things. As geriatric cats tend to vomit      a lot. Since this photo was taken 17-year-old Moxi went to the bridge and passed on into the cat afterlife. He was a badass cat and lived a great life. He leaves behind his housemate 16-year-old Skunk who will get plenty of use out of those 6 mega rolls with 66% more sheets per roll.

If you think I could use an old rag or a sponge and wash it out each time,  you don’t know geriatric cats.

If you think I ride a cargo bike because I’m worried about the environment or I eat bologna sandwiches because I love the taste, you don’t know geriatric cats. 

well within without

Bike Trailer  SOLD

Stripped down Burley trailer with solid 20" wheels

sold to Mr. Craig Etheridge

one side of an actual one-sided conversation:

“here’s the deal. I bought my wife this old mountain bike with real tight geometry, you know a real sloping top tube. But the thing is, she’s tall, taller than me you see and I’m not sure the seat post is long enough. So do you have any 26.4 posts that are extra long?”

“So is this one going to be long enough? And it‘s a 26.8 will that work? Oh and this one is a 25.4 will that work?”

“what if I give her a call and get her inseam measurement?  Is there a formula you can use with that number to tell me what size seat post I’ll need?”

In 500 words or less compare and contrast the following:
 
16th Avenue South
16th Avenue
16th Avenue East

in your response, make use of the following terms:

Spitting distance
Stone’s throw
Hop skip jump

    a chill in the air

feel it in the bottom bracket

coming back around again

seven is enough
eight was more than adequate

one is all you really need
eleven is too much

when one is not enough and six is too many
buy a roadmaster

when in Rome and a case looks too big   
buy two 18-packs like Chris Murray

when late summer sidewalk chalk 
lasts 40 days and 40 nights

it’s good for business
if you work in a bike shop

lobbying for an international standard of incompatibility
arbitrary proprietary unnecessary mesentery

It’s all about where you happen to be on the coffee-beer continuum. It's not about making progress or climbing the ladder like they want you to think. Time is not linear. The whole past-present-future idea is just one big marketing scheme that sells a lot of calendars and alarm clocks. Brandon’s photo here sums it up succinctly in one brief moment from the second half of a round trip that involved a mountain bike race.  In this case coffee preceded beer, but as you know it’s kind of a chicken-or-the-egg thing depending on when you freeze frame.

this one went to eleven

there's a bit of history photocopied, stapled and folded on the kickstand page

click it out

neither here nor there
somewhere
on the continuum
the fine line
in between
grey area
growing pain
awkward stage
transitional period
phase out
break in
cleaning out
easing in
hand off
relay
respite
retail

there’s a place where
someone’s old bike
becomes
someone’s new bike 

 (this space intentionally left blank)

every single seized seat post

each rusty stem bolt

even the crunchy bottom brackets

when spokes start breaking  
it’s a sign a   
wabi sabi memento mori                      
visual audible contextual
lifespan reminder note to self
kinda sorta like nothing lives forever
exactly like when the neighbors hire a contractor to build a big deluxe wheelchair ramp for grandpa onto their front porch with two switchbacks and a country mile’s worth of slip-resistant tape

it’s the beginning of the end

commencement  

an unhealthy attachment to a ballpoint pen

it’s not a linear progression
it’s a cycle
coming back around again
clockwise
when viewed from the drive side
which is true
even in the southern hemisphere

like Sally said, 40 is the new fixie
 

keep your head down           follow through

keep your chin up                       get over it

nobody remembers the story       only the ending

you're only as good as                     your last kick 

Norwood's rookie card is on Ebay for $1  +  $1.25 shipping

Tuesday is a licking day

Wednesday is a whacking day

Thursday is the new Friday

Friday is echolocation day 

Saturday is happy hour

Sunday is easy like 

Erik Jahnz photo

Intentional
Directional
Choice
Decision
Quick release
Cheap knockoff
Quality of life issue
Gateway drug
A time and a place
For everything and everything in its
Marginal utility sport vehicle
Non verbal
Visual
Handshake deal

You say tomato                  ergo twist
I say horseshit                     grip shift  

DANK bags photo

Those guys down at DANK bags still ride bikes. Picking shit up. Dropping shit off. Here and there. Point to point. By the skin of their teeth. Bud sweat and beers. Same day. Next day. Wednesday. Premium Rush my ass. Chirp. From here to there with an occasional roundtrip tossed in. Immediate delivery gratification. Chirping chirper chirps. In traffic. The old fashioned way. Via bicycle.

the wheelbase can hardly be contained by 1024px

There’s a hummingbird in your hallway or your smoke alarm battery is low.

Like the time the egg timer was set to remind you of what you forgot but you went to work without it because the clock on the wall was set seven minutes early so you wouldn’t be late and you thought you left on time so then the timer went off all day sending its signal strong with no one to hear it except the Pomeranian in the laundry room.

Then there's the trusty teapot with the droopy rippled handle that feels like elevation lines on a topo map of Boston Basin from the time ten years ago when it boiled dry heated red hot until the molten plastic smell gave it away to the former roommate napping three rooms away.

Which reminds me of a burr in the seat tube leaving lines gouged into a pristine post zig-zagging like a sensitive seismograph or an excited EKG that was never seen until someone borrowed your bike.

Remember the coffee shop came first then more foot traffic then spruced up adjacent storefronts with hip infant-toddler consignment stores and art galleries and property values increased then rents went up new businesses went in bodegas moved out houses were bought and sold and another gentrification cycle cycled through ripples radiating out in concentric circles from central business districts and urban villages then there goes the neighborhood until old timers talked about good old days

reminiscing
brinelling
indexing
pitting
pitted  
pointed in that direction
let the headset be the guide
for a no-handed ride
home
comfort zone
under control
c o n s i s t e n t l y
counterclockwise
with a twitch of the hips

it's all in your mind

years later
down the road
south of south of Yesler
looks good        from here
triangulate
extrapolate
regurgitate
calculate
do the math
try to manipulate   

whateverittake

Chris Murray photo

Bill Brady, founding member of RAGDRAI, seen here on his new oriented-fiber-in-a-resin-matrix bicycle rolling with that crazy retro "Radical Rick"  BMX dude we met last year

Chris Murray photo

The RB-1 got out on its 5th RAGBRAI this year with the help of pinch rider, Matt McMahon.

He said:  " ...to thank you and let you know how much I appreciate the use of the RB1.  What a rider that thing was, I have been off bikes due to an injury but this bike made it extremely fun to get back on the horse.  I received a ton of comments on the piece and it made me feel damn good to be riding a classic. "

Ben Jones photo

The paint job on the bus circa 2007 looks Grinnell Griffin green & black Great

please wait to be seated

patented
proprietary
incompatibility

horseshit

the next-next greatest thing
since grip shift
eccentricity
concentricity
compatibility
here & now meets the 80s
neoretrofit rig de jerry du jour   
Shimano     Campy                          SRAM my ass
give me a 5mm Allen wrench
long enough and I shall move the world
through space
like a slant parallelogram
5 6 7 8 9 10 this one goes to eleven
shifting
is overrated
there’s only so much you can do
between two limit screws

 these shoes rule

these shoes rule

these shoes rule

these shoes suck

 from the Wiki:

Planned obsolescence or built-in obsolescence^[1] in industrial design is a policy of planning or designing a product with a limited useful life, so it will become obsolete, that is, unfashionable or no longer functional after a certain period of time.^[1] Planned obsolescence has potential benefits for a producer because to obtain continuing use of the product the consumer is under pressure to purchase again, whether from the same manufacturer (a replacement part or a newer model), or from a competitor which might also rely on planned obsolescence.^[1]

For an industry, planned obsolescence stimulates demand by encouraging purchasers to buy sooner if they still want a functioning product. Built-in obsolescence is used in many different products. There is, however, the potential backlash of consumers who learn that the manufacturer invested money to make the product obsolete faster; such consumers might turn to a producer (if any exists) that offers a more durable alternative.

Estimates of planned obsolescence can influence a company's decisions about product engineering. Therefore the company can use the least expensive components that satisfy product lifetime projections. Such decisions are part of a broader discipline known as value engineering.

some time in the mid to late 90's the powerful people that make decisions at Shimano gathered around a conference table and discussed how their Ultegra 600 stuff was too good, too solid, too timeless and too desireable and how they needed to start making their shit more shitty so they could sell more every year and how they could make people want the new next greatest thing and how that gray 600 stuff was so two years ago. 

Shimano 600 is the shit. It's my middle name. It's my next T-shirt. It's the new black. It's my Friday. It's on Ebay. It's walking the walk. Today --- 16 years later.  It's on my bike and my other bike and my other bike too. And my wife's bike too.  It's for real. 

I have a couple sets of dual pivot calipers that have gone from bike to bike to bike with nothing but new pads along the way and they kick ass. And so do the cranks, hubs, and derailleurs. 

Furley

Tripper

I like the 2013 Raleigh Tripper as I am a big fan of the simplistic straight forward no bullshit look and feel of flat handlebars. But, I’d take the drops off the Furley and slap on a big fat flat bar and the resulting singlespeed city everything bike would be my choice over the 3-speed internal getup on the Tripper.

Cheers to you Sally and your steel bikes Not to overlook the Roper    Three's Company is for real really in 2013

Now we can talk about the 2014 catalog...

Janet Chrissy Ralph Helen Larry Lana Stanley Cindy Terri

Milkshake photo

bird by bird
bit by bit
day by day
bowls full of rusty linear pull brake noodles
straddle cable frayed knots
seated next to pokey pinch bolts
crooked cantilevers cockeyed dropouts
Hard Rock’s brake pads rock hard
bucket loads of aluminum oxide oozing
squeegees needed just to see
we need more coffee
another steel bike resuscitation
performed successfully
repeated repeatedly  
all signs indicate one way or another
tire specific tread patterns point
moving forward eventually
contact patches connect the dots
nonbinding cable housing agreements
unspoken nonverbal poor radio reception
understanding underwhelming understated
platform pedals with an aggressive edge
attractive distractions
dissimilar metals get along fine
with a dollop of white lithium grease

Just like Stevil said the other day, it’s doubtful that 30 years from now we’ll be putting fresh tires, new cables & housing onto the carbon fiber frames of today and sending them back into circulation. 
 

It was a simpler time and not just in a canned-ham-with-Tang-and-bread-way but in a symbiotic-sympathetic-local-bike-shop-way when Counterbalance was actually at the foot of the counterbalance and Adam answered the phone and every couple months I could put an ad in my zine and trade it for bike parts.

What if 32 spokes are just sitting around eyeleting a fresh rim itching to thread some nipples and they happen to be a tad bit long? What's a millimeter here or there?

Friday July 27 at 11:00am, Chris Murray wrote: 

"sitting in a bar in the first town with 17 pilderwassers. 5.66 miles into 44 mile day. Wish you were here. Did I mention we are all drunk already. cheers" 

that last 40 miles will be a breeze after warming up for a few hours in that first pass-through town

Friday at 12:10am, Bill Brady wrote: 

"new T-shirt idea  RAGDRAI, Registers Annual Great Drinking Ride Across Iowa" 

on my next trip to Iowa, maybe  I'll be toting a bag full of RAGDRAI shirts 

counterintuitive antiergonomic design

you're on your own on this one

figure it out

HP photo

Arty Smokes photo

full suspension of disbelief brings complete acceptance of the denial looking back in a new light to see the straight edge was bent the calipers were crooked and the measuring stick was sticky so we were reading the meniscus wrong all along and now we make our eyes go funny to compensate for the parallax error trying to be worry-free but that creates spaces for new and improved worries to move in and take over however either way things will work out just like things tend to do

Visualize a banana bounced from a jersey pocket then smooshed by the wheels of 10,000 bikes and baked on the pavement of a two lane road in late July Iowa heat and humidity.

 smells like RAGBRAI

and there’s this empty feeling in the pit of my stomach today    perhaps because my hands feel empty not holding individually wrapped single serving sized sweaty 12oz containers of carbonated malted beverages as traditionally today is the day I should be on Jimbo’s front porch pumping up the tires on the RB-1 and taking down another can of Miller Lite like it’s water, because it is.

the pilderwasser collective is rolling strong again this year without me  and they’re all in Jimbo’s front yard as we speak preparing for another great ride across Iowa. And it sounds like there may be a pinch rider / potential buyer lined up for the RB-1 looking to take it on its 5th RAGBRAI.

and and and word on the street is…    pilderwasser is #2 on the interwideweb for googling ogling specific RAGBRAI stuff and things. That’s via Jimbo via Coop and if it is true then it’s only because the content is here and it was built up brick by brick over the years with been-theres and done-thats and not by some search engine optimized keyword count horseshit fluffy trendy filler written by a sophomore social media summer intern punctuated by stock Getty images of cyclists wearing lycra spandex getups.  

fill er up   RAGBRAI 2006

It affects me more or less indirectly but I’m not too worried about the price of gas when I’m on a bike. I am however often concerned with putting a little fuel in the tank with a roadmaster or a king can or a tall boy or two in the shade under a tree across the street from the first gas station or minimart or mom-n-pop I see as if I am in Iowa in late July.   

Working downtown in the 98101 it was in the shade under a tree across the street from various very large office buildings but that feels like another chapter of the same book where one was not enough and 36 was too many.

The RB-2 is now no-longer and at this hour I cannot really sum up the time we had together, but if bikes could talk this bike could tell some stories... 

including:

a protracted purgatory with its original owner 

almost every bike rack in Seattle

Seattle Legal Messengers

Washington Legal Messengers

RAGBRAI 2005

roundtrip travel to Iowa via UPS 

every bike rack in Seattle

Washington Legal  Messengers

Seattle Legal Messengers

an abusive relationship with its 3rd and final owner

With this 2.5mm hex key comes great responsibility
so take it easy   bloody knuckling square taper mushroomer
cheater bar overkill strong arm crank extractor
metal shaving cascading curly cue reverse thread stripper
stress riser crackling carbon fiber
seat post pinch bolt winding binder
teeny weeny star nut rounder-offer  
measure once then three times the chain breaker
± two or three links too short shorter
mister master link misplacer
mirror image righty tighty lefty tighty too
tighty whitey jockey short cage jockey pulley

it’s so easy to make fun of them
when you’re one of them

Thomas Jefferson Chapel photo

the following email arrived last night:

A Call To Arms:

As the fervent nationalism of the 4th of July passes and the dystopic reality foisted upon us by our Baby Boomer predecessors comes into focus; we band together hand in uninsured hand to help the meager and the injured.

One month ago Saint Genet and Implied Violence Company Member, Council Member and High Chancellor of The New Mystics, and Bike Messenger Extraordinaire Thomas Jefferson Chapel was in a bike accident. Crashing head long into the pavement his helmet protected his enormous skull but did little to prevent his two front teeth from being knocked out and on to the searing cement. Paramedics promptly took him to the hospital and jammed his two front teeth back into his bleeding gums.  Where they now sit blackened, chipped, and dying. Fully employed yet under-insured Thomas Jefferson Chapel  shows himself to be the rule rather than the exception of our broken health care system.

His friends and colleagues have taken it upon themselves to insure their dear friend, collaborator, employee, roommate, and co-conspirator who through no fault of his own lost his teeth; and has the burden of mounting hospital bills and looming dental surgery pushing him ever closer to the looming abyss of bankruptcy or worse.

Allow me to humbly present: Thomas Jefferson's Black Market Bizzare


 On Wednesday July 11th; beginning at 7pm Vermillion Gallery and Bar will host a one night extravaganza of music, performance, dance, and black market entrepreneurship. A wretched company of scuzzards, villains, déclassé of all kinds, and lumpen proletariat have been assembled to Save Thomas Jefferson Chapel's Teeth.

With musical performances by: Strong Killings, Agatha, Mtns. and the gritty black metal Wu-Tang mash ups of Garek Jon Druss.

Performance by: dk Pan, Kate Ryan, Aubry Birdwell, BOOM! Theater Company and Dead Bird Movement

Black Market Bizarre featuring work by: Saint Genet and The New Mystics.

A bevy of drink specials courtesy  of Vermillion Gallery and Bar.

Please help his company of thieves repair our tattered social safety net!

Location: Vermillion Art Gallery and Bar
1508 11th Avenue  Seattle, WA 98122

Date: Wednesday July, 11th MMXII

Time: 7pm-2am

Cost: $5-15 Suggested Donation.

if you keep working a little RAGBRAI into your daily life

your daily life eventually works back into RAGBRAI 

only 379 days until the next - next great ride across Iowa

that's not some soft-focus-Cybil-Shepard-gentle-filter-app on an iphone.    That's a greasy chicken Chonker fingerprint directly on the lens of a good old fashioned digital camera   and that's

a quality of life issue

here kitty kitty 

vermont BMX photo

Seth’s step-into-my-office photo speaks on several levels and way more than a thousand words in a split second snapshot of another day at the office please take a moment to locate the dispatcher nearest you with the angry elbow and the harsh haircut prematurely grey they say stress may have something to do with it but he’s on the path they all must follow going from I want to start my own company that’s cool that’s not like all the rest and be a solo rider sole proprietor owner operator onto company owner dispatcher boss same as it ever was whatayagonnado natural progression remember Stealth or Seattle Legal or PM Legal or MDR and so it goes in this economy you’re lucky to have a job and so on with the rise and fall and rise again of ABC in relation to a new look at Jimmy Johns and then to take another look at WA Legal are you fucking kidding me and then and then all that contrasting beautifully succinctly symbolically summed up by the relatively care-free freeflowing hairstyle lifestyle of the independent contractor messenger bike rider sitting stage right of the dispatcher owner   but that‘s another story.

They say you can never go home again. The RB-2 came home for a brief visit and the replacement of a broken rear axle and like they say it just wasn’t the same as it wasn’t my bike anymore it was just a little backyard basement bike repair with pick up and delivery because I will work for beer and because the current owner is prone to stack ups. But the bike continues to hold up. Just like it held up to thousands of messenger miles before I sold it.  

two wheels on two wheels on two wheels

Speaking of Sunday morning easy fresh flapjacks stacked like headset spacers on country mile long steer tubes and head tubes and seat tube angles and triangles on bikes made for squiggly squirmy dynamic loads of precious cargo, Bret in Albuquerque sent this to me and I’m sending it along  because it’s interesting and close to home.

 if you think your bike is heavy****** six kids and no car

Get well soon Case

The devil is in the details but take a bigger big big picture now and then here and now there’s no need to regurgitate and repackage something old and call it new --I’m in the midst of negotiations with my Taiwanese agents on the final details of a 650b jogging stroller. We’re haggling on the front fork disc mounts and the rotor size in the OE package. This revolutionary stroller should be available at REI stores nationwide in September. It offers greater versatility rolling over obstacles effortlessly without the toe overlap often found in 29ers for shorter riders-- or not. Chew it up spit it out feed it to your offspring regurgitate it repeatedly repeated and then repeat as needed. Pump it up. High volume low pressure. High pressure low volume. If we’re talking PSI and tire size. Which leads to the high volume and low margins of mail-order discount super stores. Which eventually leads to your local bike shop because sometimes you get what you pay for.  

layer upon layer of faded memory
stratigraphy
recent history
photography
Shaggy
Sally
and guys that look like Art Torelli

Jack be nimble
Jack be quick
Jack  jump over the 7-speed (11-25) candlestick

Martha Stewart couldn’t do this but I bet you could.

I can imagine the unique sensation of smearing JB Weld all over the clean lines and pristine spoke holes of a Campy Record front hub and smooshing it into the fat half of a Campy Record 11-speed cassette, but I’m not into $700 drivetrains or candlesticks.  

However, I am into resourcefully re-using readily available resources, predominantly Shimano compatible. There’s of milk crate full of raw materials somewhere near you.

I’m also a fan of things taken out of context and put back in.

Take an old 9-speed cassette, the shell of an Ultegra front hub and some JB Weld and you’ve got yourself an elegant one-of-a-kind candlestick for your mom.

word

Driving brass nipples with Zeppelin II on cassette.  Wrenching spokes three-cross between high flange flip flop hubs and dusty reclaimed rims. Turning in a Park truing stand that’s older than dirt (it once belonged to Conan, you know, the Conan that lived in the Mohawk Apartments and rode a fleet of immaculate $10,000 road bikes and always carried a sword around town and had the ultimate complete Campy tool set in a velvet lined wood case and loved to lunch at the Korean place on Broadway. He gave the stand to 09 Dave and then I bought it from Dave for $10 in 1997) add beer to taste and it’s wheel building time here at HQ.

There will be no aircraft industry adhesives involved. No need for gloves, respirators, eye protection, ear protection or dust collectors. There will be no acetone huffing. There will be no “special sauce” high temperature hocus pocus. There will be no carbon fucking fiber.

There will be some boiled linseed oil and black coffee.

Wanna come downstairs and talk about effective rim diameter? We can discuss bead seat diameters and uniform spoke tension and talk about guys named Jobst.  Then you can ask me about my learned helplessness and my career goals.  

Time is money. Money is time. It all depends on where you happen to be on the continuum.
 
When I was parsimoniously building up Blu’s bike it seemed to make sense to slap on a set of cheap Chinese knockoff wheels purchased from an unnamed source.

Then a couple weeks later some asshole stole them.

Since then she’s been riding on wornout wheels suffering severely from Seattle sidewall syndrome.   

I've  never been a big fan of plucking from Peter Bianchi to pay Paul Univega. So here and now it makes sense to reconfigure some hubs and rims that have been collecting dust in the basement and build a set of wheels.  Wheels that won’t bother me aesthetically or monetarily. Because like Larry Naylor said, bike mechanics live vicariously through their girlfriend’s bikes, even if their girlfriends couldn’t care less.  

If these wheels get stolen     then it’s personal.

to Nap Cantwell 

Seattle Times

 within the universe of cycling in one galaxy of bikes  they coexist
in completely different solar systems

And you may find yourself, in that special place where two or three outermost planetary orbits -- from neighboring solar systems -- intersect like a Venn diagram, and you may say to yourself, how did I get here?


RAGBRAI : Cascade Bike Club : Dead Baby Bike Race

mechanic : commuter : messenger

bike refurbisher : acetone huffer : legal document schlepper

Bike Works : Mad Fiber : Seattle Legal Messengers

cargo bike : BMX bike : little kid’s balance bike 

don't look back

there was a time and a place for bar tape but not this stuff

which is timeless in its ability to bug the shit out of me

speaking of poor bar tape decisions. this setup bothers me for a few different reasons. But all of that is trumped by the bike owner's joy in riding around the jerry rigged rig he's riding around. And that is what's really important.

why do they call them bar-end shifters?

Early this morning    after midnight the wheels were stolen off Blu’s bike. It was locked to the rail outside the Olympic Law Group. This sucks in more ways than one. But it really sucks to work a nine hour shift and then walk all the way home with a wheel-less bike over one shoulder.  

I wish I could see the fucking loser’s face when he got back to his apartment and realized he just stole a pair of OE cheapass Chinese knockoffs with poorly machined brake tracks.  These are not the Velocity Deep Vs he was hoping for. These are not the sealed bearing high flange hubs he’d seen in a magazine and not the double butted black spokes and green anodized alloy nipples he thought he saw in the dark parking lot.  Karma comes around.   I hope he threads a fixed cog on and strips the shit out of the soft threads on the cheaply made hub and I hope he bruises his ego and eats shit when he’s skidding up to the bike rack in front of Bauhaus and I hope the thief will be doomed to continuous slow leaks and broken valve extenders rattling within the monumental rotating mass of the deep section rims.

Thankfully these cost 30 times less than a set of Mad Fiber wheels.

(cheap Chinese fake deep Vs) x 30 = Mad Fiber

found on Wheel Fanatyk

what's so funny 'bout peace love and downtube shifting?

Consider the lifespan of an OE bottom bracket. Now imagine riding it for another year or so beyond what is considered rideable and that‘s where we were until Sunday when I replaced it along with the shark-toothed big ring, the chain and the cassette. If this was smellavision you could get a real feel for what it was like and if I was still a messenger I’d be embarrassed by the sounds my bike was making    crying out for help.   

Is it raining?

this is my favorite Is-it-raining? haiku

Elevator ride
You ask about the weather
I am soaking wet

if I was still a messenger, my socks would be wet for the next 9 hours but I wouldn't be embarrassed by the smells my shoes were making

up the down escalator    two years later

beer in plastic cups in the back yard in the age of austerity

recurring themes are the same as it ever was 

Kim Klein photo

If I owned a coffee shop people could come in for soy lattes or decaf mochas or iced chai teas. But they’d all walk out holding cups of black coffee.  

If I owned a bike shop people could come in for tune-ups or overhauls or the newest in new do-dads. But they’d all walk out rolling single speed bicycles.

Bombus Bikes photo of three fresh Kalakalas on their way to 2020

this photo is for Memorial Day and every day

the words below are re reprinted from 2-10-10 when word counts were higher

much of it still rings true like that and like this and like that's what I said

I’ll find you near the intersection where expectations meet reality, but we’ll both need to wait in line for a while. Together. Separately. For complete instructions and rules of entry send SASE to PO Box 123.

Do you feel that? That’s not a subwoofer. That is 442 cubic inches of displacement. Muscle. Original flavor long-cut between the cheek n gum. Liquid smoke in the eye a poke. As if meeting in the loading dock makes  sense. By design.

If and only if. If then. If only. Migratory six-pack rings wrapped around your finger. An environmental impact statement stated in terms like simplicity, utility and out-of-pocket. Out on a limb like the kitten in the poster on the ceiling at the dentist. You’re huffing so much gas, the kitten begins to speak Spanish and you understand completely.

Paperback reading walker. Walker reading paperback. I’m watching where you’re going, so you don’t have to. Warm shampoo. Cold Turkey. Fingerprints on the glass, compounded daily. Toothpaste splatter pattern on the mirror in normal distribution with standard deviation and occasional outliers. Fat-free vegan organic truck stop. Barstool etiquette. Free refills.

Cauliflower party platter. Roundhouse. Circle to the left counterclockwise here as well as in the southern hemisphere. Losing steam. Solar powered artificial color. 67% majority. Authority. Ponytail pulled back so tight your eyes go funny. Purple mountain majesty. I’m invisible for my own safety. Please ignore me. I dress like this as not to be confused with an attorney. Conversation may be recorded for quality assurance purposes.

They had me going. The entire package, the experience, the atmosphere, the ambiance, the greeting, the presentation, the valet, the hostess, the sommelier, the support staff, the music. They had me going there…but the smell.  The butt smell.  Who smells like doodie?  

Textured vegetable protein American cheese product. Dust-free laboratory. Fingerless glove snot rocket. Tyvek jacket crinkling from Seattle to Portland in one day. That which we call a rose is a Mercury Bobcat is a Ford Pinto is a rose is a rose is a rose.

Terracotta façade undulating in the low angle winter sunlight. Getting all oboe. Oboe all up in your face. Peter and the wolf. Jack and the beanstalk.  Hootie and the blowfish. Puke on the pillowcase spring break. Direct pressure eye contact. Plug n play   they   we all look the same. Are you my Bucky?

She rides around in the drops all day making us all look bad. We’re not in Marymoor anymore. We made the waiting list for the best preschool in Madrona. We got cold feet. Cold fingers. All ears. Captain Right Back Atcha coming out of retirement because he mixes it with love and makes the hurtin feel good.

So firm you could set your beer on them.

She’s a brick house elaborating on an elaborate set of rules. Getting upset when no one else plays along because no one else knows or cares about the rules or the game or the fact that she is still keeping score on that scoreboard that no one else can see. Accurate and precise yet cold and indifferent. Overcooked and cranked up to Asperger’s level. Horizontal stripes stack up like binders full of courtesy copies to C-203.

Quilted patchwork piecemeal. 650 front wheel. Campagnolo cranks BMX anodized fade to pink. Red turtleneck sweater February candy office party glazed high fructose corn syrup distraction delivered floral arrangement calling in sickly sweet.

Individually wrapped. Intermittently rapt. Instinctively instinctual. Little fuzzy gerbil.  Lavish Broadway musical.

and then what happened? 

another
contributing
factor

bilateral symmetry
both sides of the story
opposed diametrically  

a hard row to hoe

constant cost-benefit analysis
feeding the feedback loop
all you can eat

extremely drinkable
loaded with hops
unique Northwest interpretation

up to snuff
above and beyond
more than enough

Today is the day some might say is the twenty-first of May.

Today is the day I like to refer to as the Monday following Bike to Work Day and I agree with Grant Peterson when he says that there’s no need to get all decked out in some ridiculous Lycra-spandex getup just to get to work. It’s not a race.

Today is the day my third notary commission expires. In and for the State of Washington residing in Seattle. Which brings to mind the last time this happened and how I thought it was the last time. Then a few months later the boss bought me another four-year stint. But this time it’s for real really the last time. As Mister X-wing fighter pilot points out, there are only a few hours left and today is the day maybe it will all make sense

The first step is denial
The next sliced bread
The next big thing
The bigger big picture
The feel of real artificial turf between your toes
The sound of studded tires on dry pavement
The wheel re re reinvented
The diagram    e x p l  o  d   e    d
The obsolescence calculated
The round trip completed

you super usurper

tell me
today   of technology
that
yesterday didn’t exist
and
tomorrow I won’t be able to live without

going with the flow

as you can see in this photo poached from Bret, the greener grass fence company grows in Albuquerque

today is the day, but those were the days

everyone can use a little Univega   once in a while

a parsimoniously retrofitted singlespeed townie   just a little bit rusty   rescued from the corner of the Bike Works Warehouse and reincarnated to ride to work today and everyday 

smells like RAGBRAI XL

orange hoodie    American Apparel        $50

orange cargo bike    CETMA               $1850

orange electrical tape    Sugarbear      $1.50

orange you glad I didn't say              "priceless"

there’s a ghost in the machine    but

it’s neither a haunted Coke machine  
nor a Rene Descartes postulation

it’s more of an animate - inanimate thing

to anthropomorphize in a cuddly-cute way

machines have feelings         and
tools enjoy being used properly

eyeball it   or   calculate it 

and it was

the time is now
now is the time
to get your hands on
surplus pilderwasser inventory from the Pedaler’s Fair   available at the drastically reduced price of $17 and shipped right to your door for only $3 more

(the neon spandex crop top shown here, is no longer available)

bike related themes   

available in these sizes until they’re not 

Womens  Small  &  Medium
Mens  Small, Large &  XL

Pedaler's Fair Surplus Inventory

specify size with your order

visualize Ballard

visualize riding home from Ballard taking only left turns

visualize your center of gravity

visualize the color of your hard-to-put-a-finger-on third chakra

the wind feels different when you're not wearing any pants

from Milwaukee   this   is a  Steve Young   photo

Product placement
Brand recognition
Laser focus demographic
Repeat customers  
Like minded people
Bike minded people 

inert invisible insert variable     inhale
the smell of freedom

respiratory distress
the cost of doing business

one word: “plastics”
pulverized aerosolized aerospace industry adhesives

parts is parts is parts per million
the big picture broken into mega pixel puzzle pieces

do what you love         the money will follow
that thing you love       right out the window

heads     you win
tails           I lose
 
push me          
pull you

cognitive
dissonance

combination flip flop
schrader-presta chuck

reversible pullover anorak
waterproof breathable seasonal
 
completing the circle
enveloping the whole hole

For Real
Really

Authentic
Authenticity

Sincere
Sincerity

Get your hands on something
Hand made in Washington

Beer  Bikes and Ballard
Be there

Pedaler‘s Fair Saturday & Sunday 11 - 5

Stopped on a hill pointing up waiting for a long red light shortly after 98102 becomes 98122. The light turns green and I stomp on the non-drive side pedal and the bike rolls forward but the gear is so low and the fresh keg is so heavy the bike only rolls a tiny bit and then it wants to fall over so I have to dab and try it again. Same thing. One more try. Same thing. I contemplate a U turn but traffic is streaming up on my left and it‘s not an option so I give it one more try with my tongue out making some guttural noises and finally I get enough momentum to roll crookedly forward, on and up through the intersection just before the light turns red again.  
 

Feeling like a rookie is good once in a while.

The bike kicks ass but it brings a new perspective to riding in traffic. There will be no white-lining. There will be no curb hopping. There will be no skitching. The handlebars don't feel so wide when there's a 28" x 38" plywood box full of precious cargo floating in front of you. It's all about routing.  This bike requires the pilot to be more vehicular and a bit more conservative and I’m not talking about the sweater.

but if I had skills like Marla Streb I'd ride like this (seen on CETMA cargo)

The gentrification monster spewing why-can’t-we-be-Portland urban density urban growth boundaries huffed and puffed and blew your single family house down and in its place built three town homes slapped together with OSB, half-inch staples and Tyvek.

Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow,
 

hose clamped milk crate non drive side up side down

one inch threaded headsets in retrospect

the plan was
there was no plan

sorta kinda       like

the absence of a hairstyle
is a hairstyle                    or

the presence of every color all at once
could be closely compared to
the complete absence of any color at all

it depends          of course
it always depends         on
your perspective
your medium
your message
your zip code

undulating alternating negative space

reminds me of a bagel
a roll with a hole
and imaginary points of achievement
like when it ceases to be strictly a vehicle for the transmission of cream cheese and becomes an essential enjoyable component of the meal

We now have womens small shirts in stock

There is no "we" in pilder but there's an "i"

When I say "we" I mean me 

before

after

routinely shaving with Occam's razor

all signs point to the dumbest common denominator 

but sometimes it's time   to dig a little deeper 

insert old alleycat photo here

the StairMaster

Saturday March 31, 2012

Harbor Steps

1pm registration
2pm race


There’s no website to link to. No paypal account.  No 34.2 megapixel flyer that looks amazing on an iPad. This is just a good old fashioned alley cat type bike thing put on by Face and Buttercup. Saturday. For real. Really.  

 ...If you are traveling with small children, secure your own mask first and then assist those around you.

Seth, if you still have this guy, I'd like to borrow it on April 21-22 for display purposes only. You can give it to Cory and he'll haul it to Ballard for me, and then we'll return it unharmed.  Thank you.

Or    if he moved out...     Is there anyone else with a mannequin that I can borrow?? The torso is important. The  head  arms  and  legs would be cool,  but they're unnecessary. 

one of a kind
second to none

one at a time
way out of line

glow in the dark
short of the mark

seat of the pants
skin of my teeth

tip of my tongue
melt in your mouth

Shag Bag photo

A wrinkle in time. A tinkle of wine an inkling of lime sprinkling sun shine saving nine with a stitch in time. There is no next step sitting around waiting for the other shoe to drop. Shopping online. Kicking karma down the line. Bought it on craigslist. Sold it on eBay. Value added. Password protected. Normal wear and tear. Depreciation. Standard deviation appreciation. Just riding along. It was a dark and stormy night.   Zoom out to take in the bigger big big picture. Re: cycling. Everything is biodegradable in the long run.

CETMA cargo photo 

ten years worth of Friday nights blended together with broad brush strokes into one pleasant painterly retrospectively hazy memory   u-locked to a sign post in my mind somewhere between WA Legal and East Pike

today is my Friday

signal strength
receiver
repeater
reception
transmission
deflection
dissonance
interference
white noise
dead air
 
clarity
no static at all
FM
overlap
simulcast
analog
digital
tinfoil
dial
needle
toggle
switch
button
knob
tuner
clicker
chirper

ask me about the aerodynamics of a wider rim and how it relates to an individually wrapped single serving size cute little 20" front fender marketed targeted packaged for the recumbent consumer and what all that really means when pushing a 32 x 32 aka 1:1 ratio pedaling a plywood box full of precious cargo up Jefferson into a stiff headwind on an empty stomach

or  not

DANK bags are made one-at-a-time

in the alley between 1st and 2nd

Mobius Cycle photo

maybe I'm getting old, but this is the coolest Surly ever. 

Kim Klein photo

resourceful repurposing
interpretive dancing
utility cycling

self-fulfilling
feedback looping
perpetual motioning



this is the most badass wheelbarrow in North America

it’s like the opposite of driving to the gym to ride a stationary bike

what’s the g for?

complementary opposites that interact within a greater whole

Bret in ABQ

To ensure that supply meets demand and to avoid misdirected investment in stale inventory, I am taking pre-orders for pilderwasser Flex Fleece Hoodies    When I say pre-order I mean pre-pay because these limited edition beauties are $58 each.  You know what size you need. You know what color you want. Be specific.

I’ll take pre-orders until March 5, 2012 because that is when I’ll be ordering the usual  stock of T-shirts in a range of sizes and limited colors as well as infant onesies in long-sleeve and short. 

See the t-shirt page for more information.

time to take the plastic cover off
the embroidered upholstery

add sour cream and guacamole $2.50

let the toast fall
jelly side down

get over it
get on with it
get used to it

long reach dual pivot retro fit

ad hoc        stop gap
free lance free for all

what we talk about when we talk about ranch dressing

did I say that out loud?

worm drive hose clamp tongue depressor
fish hook eye gouge pile driver
purple turtle step stool non-sequitur

you can’t get there from here

herein fail not at your peril
keep your head on a swivel
visualize an Avocet O2 saddle

there’s a 5mm allen wrench in my pocket
or are you just happy to see me

most accidents occur within 50,000 miles of home

  read more now         you'll hear more later 

Steve Young

AG

Chris Murray

Here is a recent random selection of photos sent in by listeners from all around the world. They’re connected because you’re looking at them next to each other and proximity leads to assumptions as your brain connects the dots even if the dots don‘t want anything to do with each other. Viewed in sequence, a series, a triptych, a comic strip of images takes on its own meaning as A before B reflects on C. Or not.

Something old something new powder coated orange and anodized blue. Ask not what your handlebar position can do for you but where  it will be tomorrow and will there still be opportunities for mind changing in the near future. What you hear me saying is, is there plenty of steer tube to play with and headset spacers the size of Texas with loop d’ loops of cable housing and flip flop handlebars that go hi-flyer or low-rider? Is there still room to move? I’m keeping my hands off the hacksaw for a while. It was a conservative maiden voyage around the neighborhood last night as the sun went down,  but I finally rode it around like a little kid that got a bike for Christmas and then had to wait 4 months for his dad to assemble it. I’m relieved that this rather unusual mish mash of parts came together. I'm also relieved that it fits through the door in one piece. And now I’m tweaking clicking aligning and tightening. T-25 torx torque torqued. I haven’t completely left the early 90’s but I’m dabbling in the world of 31.8 clamp diameters, mega XO external bottom bracket bearings and these things called disc brakes. This bike is still clearly me with a vintage 600 derailleur and a thumb shifter. However there is only so much one can do with a lower limit screw and a six speed thumb shifter SIS all indexed out. I’m familiar with the feeling listening understanding of friction shifting but I can’t pull 8 clicks worth of cable on a six-click clicker friction or not. It's like feeling growing pains thirty years later, like finally making the awkward step from 126 to 130mm OLD. That's right, it's old.  I like single-speeds and I've always been comfortable hitting just two or three of the seven or eight cogs to choose from on various personal bikes but this is a rig that really needs all 8 speeds on its widespread 11-32 cassette.  

If anyone out there is still listening I’m asking you to dig through your milk crates full of bike parts and I will gladly pay you Tuesday for an 8-speed thumb shifter today. Perhaps I could take it in trade, offering in return a one-of-a-kind T-shirt and some verbal praise. Peace be with you.

jumbo pilderwasser sticker courtesy of Chris Murray

audacity  
short shorter short term memory
144 character archival quality  
federal holiday february
blossom cherry

six nine photo

What are you looking at? 

What was old is new again. That which we call a bike swap by any other name would smell as stale as a Mickey's roadmaster fashion accesory rookie strap.  One man’s scuffed-up-carbon-fiber-stress-riser may or may not be another man’s I’d-buy-that-for-fifty-five-dollar    however it could be just the thing if the price is right and the patina is pretty a pair of perfect platform pedals used gently and adopted into a family of five setting off a trickle down handmedown action as if the older sister got a new pair and down to sister younger go the old or maybe could it be  an NIB   NOS pair of Shadow Conspiracy pedals in baby blue  loose balls genetically programmed to BMX in Woodinville or Bothell but somehow able to hold out collecting dust on the shelf staying true to their gut feeling being born to push a cargo bike on the streets of Seattle and finally the heartwarming story of an XT thumb shifter circa 1989 born again to be clamped to an FSA Metropolis handlebar soon to steer a CETMA largo cargo       bike.

kickstand comics

Taken out of context they look the same but they feel so different sort of like 25 pounds in a shoulder bag is 25 pounds either way but the way it feels when it’s a stack of stale books to return to the law library on a next-day is no where near what it feels like when it’s a stack of beer cans to drink in the park today sort of like riding the same stretch of road at the same time of day feels so different on a Sunday sort of like a repetitive task of semiskilled manual labor performed because you want to feels so much better than doing it because someone is telling you to

you know it

tacit
implicit

attention deficit

not a priority
a priori

it’s a chicken-or-the-egg thing

to refuse to
buy products
that are
petroleum
by products
that is
harder than
it looks

look

they’re  there      their
footprints
everywhere

oil and water
oil and vinegar
oil and aftermarket bike parts dealer

20” Kenda tire
20” tube schraeder
20” cute little front fender

shiny and new 180mm disc rotor
monumental  momentum mass
rotating up to speed flywheel like

February cold morning molasses  
crosses the imaginary line where
negligible becomes considerable

personally that’s not a priority
it’s not about speeding up
it’s about slowing down 

This the photographic evidence that these three inspectors stopped by to inspect the green green grass on this side of the fence. Out came the sun and dried up all the rain and the orange picnic table was potable again.

Speaking of drinkable, the first beer from the keg is traditionally, ceremoniously, sacrificially, superstitiously returned to earth directly. The rest of the beers make their way down the drain one way or another as they say eventually but most often through the tract urinary.  We don’t buy beer we just rent it for a while.

Speaking of renewing your lease, what do you call it when Indian Summer arrives in February? one more reason Seattle leads the nation in sunglasses-sold-per-capita. That statistic illustrated clearly by the shades on Case’s face purchased just minutes earlier on the way up the hill, fastidiously shopping at Ross. For per capita calculations, the goggles on Sally and Cory factor in as well.

the grass is still greener on this side of the fence and all we need now are some disc brakes and levers and a thumb shifter and a big fat 8-speed casette and a chain and a new saddle and some perfect platform pedals and it smells like a bike swap is brewing on February 12 which traditionally has been a good source of thumb shifters and perfect platform pedals and track bikes with ovalized head tubes.

The vast, all-encompassing social science experiment continues.  We’re all participants and there is no need for express written consent.

insert variable
expect different results
repeat as needed


pendulum
momentum
continuum
fulcrum
equilibrium

Things that look good on the desk of a graphic designer often don’t translate to the real world, to the hands of the people that actually put it in play, the ones that make the stickers stick, the technicians that transfer decals to real world surfaces on things that actually see the light of day.

But that doesn’t matter much because those technicians aren’t in the board room asking difficult questions. They’re not looking at the presentations on the big money screen where things still look good, good enough to close the deals with the doughy soft guys that make the decisions and cut the checks.

It’s OK to take a vector image of a front wheel, flip it around and call it a rear triangle because nobody actually pays any attention to that shit. It's OK if graphic designers don't know chainstays.  It's OK if crank arms aren't on the same plane, the same axis, the same bottom bracket. It's OK if there is no drivetrain. It's OK. 

It’s OK to make decals that cost $17 each and take two hours to apply and won’t hold up past the show room. It’s OK. Don’t worry about it. Push it through.

Every punctured inner tube has a story. A history. A time and a place. An angry dispatcher on the phone, a late court filing, a late arrival to work, a long walk home in the rain. The  broken valves, the valve stems sheared off, the perforated rim strips, the naked spoke holes, the $5 bill tire boots, pinch flats, snake bites, gun shot blowouts, slow slow leaks too lazy to fix, roofing nails, broken glass, upholstery tacks, thorns, staples, bailing wire, thread bare tire bubbles and classic tuffy tire liner lacerations.

The dream is always the same…        …I’m riding to work on Lakeview Boulevard in the dark fog of 6 am and hearing, feeling, tasting the undulating hissing of a broken 40 bottle puncture. I raise my right hand to signal the team car but the team car never seems to arrive.

The 13 valves in the collection pictured here, represent a small portion of my personal flat tire history. All of them 700c presta tubes. Some were SBS just-over-whole-sale company subsidized tubes. Some were  full price Elliot-Bay-Bike-Shop-are-you-fucking-kidding-me $8.50 long valves. Some were borrowed. Some were pay backs. I know one of them made it across Iowa twice (RAGBRAI 2007 & 2008) with out a puncture, a Torelli tube made in France,  it was a valve core failure that finally killed it.  Most of them were ridden on the streets of Seattle for many many miles or maybe just a few, before they were decommissioned. Some were patched and returned to active duty immediately. None of them were from Jonny Sundt

Superstition and luck continue to play their parts. I don’t believe you can boy-scout your way out of each and every contingency.
 
They say they come in threes.

crown race installer
dead blow hammer
 
full face respirator
full time father

in through out door
I-5 corridor

visualize the rear triangle with a 26" disc-ready wheel 

Ask me about the stack height of an FSA Orbit MX headset

all in all there always all there is

all the way out of the halfway house

it's good to have friends with headset presses but who has a press that can accommodate the 24inch "headtube" on a cargo bike?  (Headset presses always seem to remind me of 33 John and his commentary on 28 Nate's skills as a car mechanic and how they compared to his skills as a bike mechanic and how the headset press should have been liberated from the Elliot Bay Messenger Company base by a bike messenger because 28 would just mushroom the shit out anything he tried to install in a bike because of his complete lack of finesse and bike experience.)  It's good to have friends that can talk you out of a hasty halfassing of the cups when you wanted a quick whack whacking  of them into your new frame with a block of wood and then they can talk you into a more controlled approach with a 30" piece of allthread and some washers. The copper pipe step-down fittings are a bonus idea I learned about on the http//world wide internet.

Let the record show the only carbon fiber component I own is a 5mm headset spacer (1-1/8” threadless you know) and although it is functional I prefer to view it as ceremonial, referential and a personal choice.

Steel bike philosophy continues.  

rewind replay relive     relieve

cut me into 96 sticky little rectangles
adhering to each and every corresponding spoke hole

make me a sandwich
between sequential slices from the loaf of consistency

acetone daydreams fade to black (but that’s too emo)

the canary is now out of the coal mine and

moving on

full speed ahead looking over my shoulder

when I say full speed ahead visualize FSA Metropolis handlebars and thoughtful functional design wrapped around a 31.8 clamp diameter

today was the day

riding upstream in slushy runoff rivers
rolling cross tires with no fenders
rocking cutoff dickies and cotton boxers

so        anyway

my work (t)here is done

we now join real life already in progress

when the swelling goes down

we’ll talk about a résumé

Bring me your poor, your tired, your 180mm rotor. Show me your contact patch, teach me about rolling resistance and tell me more about your 406 bsd 3.0” tire that at 40 psi can more than adequately load the load. When you have 36 spokes holding up a 20” wheel you can afford to bend a few. Which makes me wonder of the story behind this wheel that I found at Bikeworks. Was it tossed off the electric scooter moped bike like thing of a poor little rich boy who tweaked a couple spokes and then decided to buy a new one? Whatever the story it has a happy ending, ending up on the front end of my very own CETMA cargo bike that I‘m slowly piecing together as we speak. How often does one stumble upon a 20” disc brake ready front wheel with a pristine Kenda Kraze tire for the amazing low low price of less than a large pizza?

two tire tracks talking in the snow
the wave of the front wheel
undulating cresting troughing changing
frequency and amplitude
tuned in over and under
the solid base line laid down by the back wheel

all of it enclosed parenthetically
by two more parallel tracks
from a trailer toting a fresh keg of beer
pale ale souped up with hops and higher alcohol
to survive the long journey to India

two sets of tire tracks talking
speaking an unspoken language
after the fact at happy hour
two sets of twins drinking
around the round table on the back patio
under a propane heater in the snow

That’s Lane Kagay getting personal with the rear end of a CETMA cargo bike. A bike that he made by hand in Eugene and hand delivered to me in Seattle. More on this later and more on that too. Walking the walk this way.

Keep reaching for it. Feeling for it like an asspocket U-lock on a bumpy ride. Is it there?  It’s there. It’s been there the whole time. It will still be there next time you feel for it. It’s in the other pocket. It’s in the bottom of your bag, unused for years at a time, but it’s there if you need it, you just don’t want to use it, but you could if you wanted to. Has there ever been a situation that requires you to use it? You talk about it, why don’t you use it? Just give me a sign. A post to lock up to. It’s not there. It was never there to begin with. You lost it in high school.  You never had an asspocket U-lock.  Why do you keep feeling for one? Why do you feel bad about losing it, about not using it? It’s always the last place you look.

interpretation of a recurring dream

It’s not just the water. No need to talk about the weather. She’s the newest in new greener grass fence builder. A tenacious remote control hunter. A gap-tooth chonker. A single feather escapee floating free from the down comforter. An innate hard worker. No hourly wage clock milker. No sack of shit sandbagging gold bricker. Ninety-eighth percentile dimple knuckler. Unbelievably strong like her mother. Soon to be familiar with the chain ring bolt spanner.  Respectfully respecting a historic perspective on the crank arm extractor. Born and raised on the square taper. Comfortable with the Schrader valve adapter. Still suspicious and not so fond of the carbon fiber. Ready and willing to stand up and get out of the saddle and pedal harder.  A soon to be if ever so briefly a cargo bike passenger daughter. Along for the ride with her steel bike riding black coffee drinking father.  Hold the non dairy creamer. 

pledge at the $350,000 level
receive a tote bag

purchase 12 pumpkin eggnog lattes
receive the 13th free

walk a mile in someone else's shoes
receive a blister

take two placebos and
call me phamaceutical industry lobbyist
in the morning

if you are not happy with the results       repeat
expect something different
figure out  
you're never going to figure it out
all that misdirected energy         
barking up the wrong tree
do do doing it wrong
it's kinda catchy
as in contageous
post nasal drip drip drippy
residual residue
artifact
snot sleeve slug trail
whatevers handy
100% fine merino wool
dry clean only

CETMA cargo photo

it's a gritty, workmanlike performance

day in and day out

commuting by bicycle