the prius effect redux
February 7, 2010
floss
February 6, 2010
the cash machine spits out 20s
I reach for them as if they’re mine
but they elude me
because they cannot be possessed
only redirected
into the local economy
17 pints of IPA
what a normal man would do at full retail
consumer price index this that
the giddy new owner of
an atrophy trophy
displayed proudly atop the TV
Shiba Inu hula hoop cherry blossom
onion dome slumlord storm drain
free-range notary chimney sweep Frisbee
13th Avenue Saturday smells
a bit different than the other six days
placebo effect
spoon knife forklift operator
six-pack lunch tall boy roadmaster
prescription lens sunglass shadow monster
asshole visible up in the air
on the table cat show cat
what were you thinking imagine that
socially acceptable sense of entitlement
as learned in school the way it is
it just is it’s what you do
what does a duck say?
what does a cow do?
what does a green light go?
disposable gloves disposed of
on the spot on the sidewalk
for me or someone someone else to take care of
clueless conscientious tooth flosser and your
toothpick single-serving fucking floss things
discarded in the 4th Ave revolving door at King
dumping an old dryer in the cul-de-sac
an exercise bike left at the trailhead
shooting up refrigerators in the gravel pit
twin toaster architecture zip tie justice
it’s worse when you lie about it like
Stupor Bowl stories of the one that got away
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postmodern neo retro black and white photo
February 6, 2010
two dimensional medium
February 5, 2010
portrait of the artist as a decaf mocha
bubble tea symphony tapioca
the sound of one loofah hand clapping
opposable thumbs up
that’s what I said articulated straw
been bent I’m across the street
look over there where that looks like this
if a tree falls in the woods and no one
is there to care who cares
a bag full of golf clubs
a garage full of bicycles
a closet full of sweater vests
so many to choose from
go with the favorite
the one liked best
on a Friday in February
the 5-iron of sweater vests
the full fendered rain bike
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peek-a-boo view
February 4, 2010
A stereotypical caricature of an exaggeration. Fat, bald and 57 driving a red convertible. Top down. Heater cranked. Adult contemporary blaring. Comb-over fluttering in the wind. Waiting at the light. Fresh silver hoop in the left ear. Bluetooth in the right.
take the training wheels off
pull the trigger
pushback
A real cliché packing contest. How many can this guy put in one conversation? Is this a joke? Is this a FedEx commercial? Is this Dexter Avenue? Is this really happening?
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overflowing with gourmet chocolate-dipped apple wedges, pineapple daisies, strawberries, grapes, cantaloupe and honeydew.
February 3, 2010
patterns emerge from the randomness
as edible fruit arrangements
and counterfeit lottery tickets are
hand-delivered via messenger
to the last known mailing address
of each and every person on earth
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Lazy Susan
February 2, 2010
gas-powered lazy susan
spinning spinning out of control
fast far past its intended use
condiments cannot be contained
at these speeds
salt n pepper electrons
launched well beyond
typical breakfast nook orbits
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Q-tip
February 1, 2010
Duchamp knew the score
mood descending staircase
elevator out of service
take the caffeine up to level two
like déjà vu but less interesting
more like 1111 3rd Avenue
blah blah blasé beige
showing the universal sign for boring
traffic patterns trod into carpet
bobsled track feedback loop groundhog day
well worn habit trails grease the rails
a dab of olive oil on a Q-tip should do the trick
change your panties take it down
change octaves break it up break out
breakfast steel cut oats strawberries and cream
100% wool made in Italy dry clean only
I liked it so much I bought the company
front foot fakey like Fever’s lock used to be
funky like your grandpa’s drawers
those zebra-print pants make you look trashy
that hound’s-tooth coat makes you look stodgy
every photo brings to mind another on file
getting all Getty stock images
cookie cutter cut n paste
seen one seen them all
all 3.6 billion units sold in North America
we haven’t raised the price in 12 years
the portions just got smaller and smaller
when every sentence seems to be
a variation on another written long ago
recycled recombinant reworked
referential homage
nothing new under the sun
on a cloudy day
creativity could be access to a healthy library
that’s what she said or not
if you haven’t shifted gears
for six months or more
consider the concept single-speededly
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bear market
January 30, 2010
In this economic environment it’s a matter of what the market will bear or bare. As in shake down cook down distill slow cook boil over then simmer down. Like that sticky residue on the rice cooker. Continued cutbacks and empty storefronts. Seattle is bit behind the curve or on some other curve altogether. A warped curve that looks different around the 48th parallel and west of Cascades. Whatever that means…take the messenger industry for example. More specifically take a little look at the Seattle messenger industry as a mini microcosm of microeconomic indicators from which to extrapolate some bullshit predictions about the entire world economy. It’ll make as much sense as anything you’ve been hearing from the experts in DC on CNN or NPR. I got your consumer confidence right here.
In the salad days heyday Seattle was rolling over 206 messengers strong. When a bike could still beat a fax machine and travel agents printed paper plane tickets on dot-matrix printers. When dot-com venture capital was littering the streets sidewalks and elevator banks. When investors thought Kozmo.com had a viable business plan. When vacancy rates were under 5%.
Today, we’re down to about 35 bike messengers in the Emerald City. The behemoth ABC is relatively small, with only 11 riders. Jimmy Johns has surpassed them as the biggest company in town (I didn‘t add their riders to the grand total). Fleetfoot is vaporizing. Stealth is hourly. And at Attention-to-Detail Legal, I now have only 1.5 coworkers on the street.
Bike messenger companies won’t go away completely but they’ll look different. Just like stock brokers and bankers look a little different in 2010. Developers investors construction companies architects engineers and lawyers… look different. Messengers start their own messenger companies and turn into owners who then lose their street cred get fat and go out of business. Corrections in the market by the market. Outliers reeled back in or just left out to dry up. Bullshit bubbles popped and pooped. Gravy trains derailed. Gravy dogs go to law school get married have kids graduate school medical school nursing school law firm mailrooms film school rock star organic farm Microsoft construction FedEx PDX bookstore coffee shop river guide ski patrol dishwasher writer. Moving on growing up dropping out selling out.
Where do I signup to sellout?
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good enough for government work
January 29, 2010
myna bird 98101
January 28, 2010
Busses : pigeons
picking up scraps they congregate on 3rd Avenue
Taxis : seagulls
unpredictable and hungry
Messengers : crows
intelligent crafty and willing to play dirty
Armored cars : road kill
big & dumb anywhere anytime
Peds : lemmings
stupid is stupid does
Cops : raccoons with rabies
they bite
Tourists : barnacles
proliferate in favorable conditions
will become a problem left unattended
Receptionists : lawn ornaments
often attractive, however it may be difficult
to determine their actual purpose
Attorneys : rats
will survive a nuclear war
adapt feed profit
Dispatchers : myna birds
they know not what they say
they only repeat what they heard
Security guards : zoo animals
caged confined confused
Court clerks : circus animals
well trained
you know the routine so just play along
Fixie hipster kids : peacocks
all show no substance
can actually be annoying and dangerous
Commuters : zebra mussels
non-native invasive species
clogging up the works
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song bird on 3rd
January 27, 2010
Free-form right on red passing iPod ped in the crosswalk
She can’t hear me
She can only hear her sweet sweet Kenny G
She’s startled and of course she blames me
She can’t see shit
Umbrella propped up
Hooded jacket cinched down
Don’t worry lady I saw you all the way
Relax keep slurping your latte
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COME TO BASS
January 27, 2010
look ma no job
refresh reload renew
move to Portland start over
on a bike in a bike-related way
in a price-is-no-object pipe dream world
lugged stainless Reynolds 953 pipes
strength-to-weight ratio turning over and over
not sure that’s the answer
please repeat the question
feisty like your Lane Powell girlfriend
on a trip down attention deficit lane
hop scotching skip subject to subject
switching partners in a mental square dance
a stones throw from half-a-world away
one foot here there where
the other foot was will be
regrade retrofit compilation greatest hit
9-digit confirmation code required
on the side a cut-n-paste tossed salad
mix tape open face patty melt
for here and to go
copy
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Brad
January 26, 2010
Brad S. Pilder
May 7, 1996 - January 25, 2010
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verklempt
January 25, 2010
verklempt choked up anaphylactic shock
stigmata piñata can’t beat it with a stick
waiting for a bus that may or may not arrive
it could be a rush it could be a next-day
it all pays the same
get what you paid for it's what you get paid for
radius diameter circumference
it comes around you know how it is
right something left
residual residue a waxy yellow buildup
don’t standup to dance in a canoe and
on the eve of RAGBRAI don’t buy new shoes
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calendar dates to commemorate
January 24, 2010
January 28, 2010
Cheap Wine & Poetry aka Cheap Beer & Prose
7:00pm at the Richard Hugo House
February 13, 2010
Not quite Valentine’s Day
Check it out and help out Counterbalance Racing 
Februaryish, 2010
Those guys down at DANK bags
are working on something cool
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that's how I roll
January 23, 2010
it seemed like a good idea at the time
we knew it going in
the exit strategy built in
that’s how I roll touch n go
she watched channel zero
side effects effectively affected my affect
getting scolded by the librarian again
butter sour cream cheddar cheese bacon
jumbo baked potato somewhere under there
Barcelona chairs high ceiling natural light
standing by sitting down
inertia weighed-in with its 2 cents
what who where why when
the idea of messenger
the image the concept the theory
the lifestyle the bike the bag the wardrobe
however like 25 always said
“they can never get the smell right”
plowed right back into the local economy
in and out of context sequence syntax
the stinger embedded the venom sac intact
do not pinch remove with a scraping motion
accepting debit or credit cards from any major bank
they don’t make ‘em like they used to
acid-free archival quality ask Noam Chomsky
intended audience target focus
surgical precision blanket bombing
napalm shower massage adjustable head
burning curling iron aroma
topped off with some serious hairspray
diabetic diuretic dietetic dialectic Dianetics
John Travolta what have you done for me lately
catchy little bouncy acronyms disguise
government contracts guaranteed through 2012
in conclusion finally in summary
Ye Olde Curiosity killed the cat
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quintessential pickle
January 22, 2010
I know a shortcut follow me
jump around jump around
hanging around sticking lingering
like the Sanford & Son theme song
my Phrenologist told me to drink red wine
a glass or two is good she says
so a 5-liter box must be better
cheers
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get well soon Dean
January 22, 2010
on the sunny side of the street
January 20, 2010
On the back side the odd side
The other side the east side
I’ll meet you there where there’re
Thicker thins and deeper shallows
Faster slows and higher lows
On the sunny side of the street
If you’re seeking a cohesive narrative
A logical linear progression
With a smooth story line that unfolds in
Complete sentences and paragraph structure
You’ve come to the wrong place
So
What you want to do is walk up to
13th & Pine and wait for a bus
Tell the driver you need to
Get down in Fraggle Rock
Or
You can connect the dots
Spackle the holes
Fill in the gaps
With dumptruck loads of inference
Twigs and scraps of yarn-infused guesswork
Force-fit into the framework of reference
You’ve constructed over time in your mind
With or without conscious effort
It’s there and it’s not going anywhere
What? Excuse me? What was that?
Take it to the Hearing Examiner
Present it to the Board of Equalization
Or just keep it out of my face
Beaver dams peanut butter & log jams
Mud slides and roller coaster rides
Tip your Jimmy John accordingly
Although he makes more money than me
He’s got your whole lunch in his hands
Brand new tennis balls skewered
On the legs of your walker
Scuffing down the sidewalk
Not so smoothly friction resistance
We’re not in linoleum anymore
I’d buy that for a dollar
$1.10 with tax
Tax Man Trims
Tuesday through Saturday 11-7
Walk-ins welcome
But don’t worry
He’ll catch up to you eventually
20% lopped straight off the top
Additional penalties on the side high & tight
The Karma carousel comes around
He who spit gum on sidewalk
Get gum on shoe
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