it continues to be a quality of life issue

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in absentia

August 16, 2019

dual pivot long reach mentholatum

washed up ceramic bearing big in Japan

 

big pulley short cage conduit

cable actuated retroactive attitude

 

cross threaded cream filled reverse commute  

all tool interfaces stripped rounded mashed 

 

just riding along

in absentia

 

reduce   reuse   fuck off

no in loco parentis    

 

your mom doesn’t work here

clean up your shit 

 

dirty laundry aired loudly at the front of the room 

“nonfat decaf latte extra hot no foam!”

 

sentimental reasons to hang onto the quilt

stitched from souvenir Tyvek® STP jackets 

 

Tom Bice always said

Is this the life or what?

 

he also said

It’s worse when you lie about it 

 


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final fifty feet

August 12, 2019

Lately I’ve been thinking about the final 50 feet and this photo that Craig Etheridge took ten years ago gets the message across. 

 

An autonomous vehicle could find 1201 3rd but it couldn’t get the documents up to Perkins Coie. A drone could find 1001 4th but it couldn’t bring those four boxes up to the 21st floor and stack them behind the paralegal’s desk. The on-trac robot won't catch the typo and will be circling the block near 2nd Ave West when it should be going to 2nd Ave South. 

 

Lots of logistics experts and transportation planners sit around conference room tables and talk about streamlining delivery, improving loading docks and traffic flow in dense urban areas.  But they still need a messenger to take that theoretical shit the final fifty feet. I can assure you there were no experienced messengers sitting in on any of those meetings.

 

I think it would be tough to find a messenger that could stomach one of these meetings and there's a $15,000 buy-in for a seat at the table

 

Most experts agree that the final piece of the puzzle will not be automated for many years. 

 

the final fifty fucking feet

the final fucking fifty feet

the fucking final fifty feet


 


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the carpet matches the drapes

August 7, 2019

give me your tired, your poor, your old eyewear from a previous team sponsorship that you can no longer wear because of your current contract

August 6, 2019

Jonny Sundt’s Axleys finally bit the dust.  August 5, 2019 10:27am I reached down to retrieve them from the bottom of the cargo box but because their right arm was pinned under a box of books it bent backwards beyond repair. 

Since whatever year (2006ish) Mr. Sundt gave me these shades they mostly sat in storage and came out once in a while in the summer months. I believe they made at least one trip with me on a great bike ride across Iowa. But recently they’ve gotten more daily use because the sun reflects off the large laminated campus map affixed atop the cargo box on the electric assist bathtub I roll around in Monday through Friday giving everything a sunny disposition.

The glass is half full.

 


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pick up your pick

August 3, 2019

Pilder junior junior has developed a keen eye for Swisher Sweet wrappers in the wild as you may have seen 15 or 20 photos of him here holding fragments of varying flavor and size. I have not gotten him hooked on hunting dental picks although it wouldn’t be hard to do. I have however gotten Dr 37 Mike to see them all over the place because once you see them you can’t unsee them and they’re everywhere. He recently sent me photos of a bike ride on a pristine wilderness trail where he rolled up upon a dental pick.  

 

Poached the photo above from a book I like but I’d like it even more if its constructions were constructed with only things found on the ground. 

 

My next coffee table book is going to be photos of garbage cans near schools and parks overflowing with hundreds of colorful bags of dogshit and photos of entitled dog owners setting just one more little doodie bag on top of the precarious pile. 

 


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songbird

July 30, 2019

Q factor : Jan Heine  :: rubber bands : Shelley Tennant

 

bringing home the canadian bacon

 

the ponytail won’t hide the bald spot but the beret will

 

taciturn fecundity

 

psychosomatic consumerism

 

how many different routes can he walk from his office to the men’s room 

 

She obsessed compulsively over the details delusional in thinking that if she stuck to the routine she’d have some control over the outcome the results the events unfolding yesterday today and everyday

 

Nomar Garciaparra 

 

Step out of the box 

 

Idle hands are tools of the devil 

 

Set an alarm but be sure to wake before it goes off 

 

TMJ-inducing stress dreams somewhere along the coffee-beer continuum

 

When your first stop this morning was your last stop last night 

 

Dead men don’t wear plaid 

 

(Your Name Here) 

 

arial rounded italic bold 

 

numerous variables must fall into place for the two commuters to meet each morning at the same time in the same place on the Burke Gilman Trail

 

plug n chug

 

dig deeper

 

get in the drops

 

the broken clock on the wall behind the bar keeps catching my eye subconsciously noting the passage of time or lack thereof same time different day

 

free beer tomorrow 

 

this page intentionally left blank

 

I’m not angry  I’m disappointed

 

Is it anxiety?       Is it creativity?

 

it’s the other side of the same coin

 

Yin Yang this   bro

 

Franklin claims Kenny G but Garfield had Jimi Hendrix and Bruce Lee

 

Ask me about entitled millennials on electric assist cargo bikes

 

Ask me if I had a good weekend

 

Ask me about your learned helplessness

 

it’s a steep learning curve but any one-eyed dyslexic monkey could do it as long as they can ride a bike and pretend to differentiate between 353650 and 353560 as well as 355630 and 355360

 

do me a favor - don’t do me any favors

 

separate they’re three simple words used in a variety of contexts but when they’re strung together just so they invoke feelings of dread and disgust like no other. Those three words are: South Lake Union

 

Proceed to the point of the turn

 

This too shall pass

 

On your left

 

broken social scene behind blue eyes

 

servings per container  alcohol by volume 

 

as of 7/30/19 Patsy Swayze is kicking the shit out of Merce Cunningham 

 

gold star for robot boy

 

Is that all there is? 

 


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pilder what?

July 27, 2019

RAGBRAI 2019 with the pilderwasser collective


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New York Noose 1275

July 25, 2019

doesn't get Eddie Vedder than this

July 24, 2019

Patsy Swayze

July 18, 2019

Yesterday I delivered a shovel to Life Sciences which was a 5 minute jaunt but it reminded me of the guy that took the photo below, the guy that rides around town with a shovel and a rake, a hori hori and a pair of gloves. But the real highlight of the ride was Patsy Swayze. G&O has nicknames for the electric assist getups on the bikes they build. The fleet we’ve had features the Merce Cunningham which is based on the EZ front hub motor. And now we have two new bikes featuring the Patsy Swayze built around the GMAC rear hub motor from GRIN Technologies. This thing kicks ass. It’s powerful and ideal for hauling heavy cargo with the regenerative braking. Coasting down hill you’re actually pumping juice back into the battery and not burning through brake pads every two weeks.  It was designed by gear heads and bike geeks that actually get outside and ride. Not by a bunch of chuffers sitting at a conference room table discussing trends in the bike industry.  

 


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three orange whips

July 17, 2019

 

one of these custom made caps not hats you've seen on instagram made its way into my zipcode and soon packs of them will be making their way across Iowa from west to east 


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Divine Cycling Horseshit

July 16, 2019

another installment in the sad Mad Fiber saga


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rat race

July 15, 2019

The people who went down from above and up from below and down from above and up from below are the people who did not go up from below nor down from above nor up from below nor down from above. 

 

by Yi Sang 

 


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Pantone 18-3737

July 10, 2019

Excuse me, do you know your way around campus or are you just a delivery guy? 

 

I'm not sure what you're going to ask me next but I already know that if I do know the answer I don't really want to tell you or talk to you or help you out. 

 

In dense urban areas bike messengers are rolling Thomas Guides full of local knowledge but they're also magnets for stupid questions from tourists and bros.  And when the questions are loaded with attitude and condescension it's best to just say "I don't know" 

I even made a silkscreen 13 years ago and printed it right on my bag.  I don't know

 

I do know that Tapatio will always remind me of Stevil, even when it's in individually wrapped single serving sized containers and that this is more than I ever wanted to know about Pantone 18-3737


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Saturday, in the park, I think it was the sixth of July

July 8, 2019

entitled millennials on lime bikes

July 7, 2019

Entitled millennials on their devices

 

Entitled millennials on their way to work, late

 

Entitled millennials on the elevator

 

Entitled millennials on the escalator

 

Entitled millennials on the light rail

 

Entitled millennials on the curb waiting for their uber

 

Entitled millennials on lime bikes

 

Entitled millennials on a different axis of rotation

 

 


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counterclockwise in the northern hemisphere

July 6, 2019

enough to eat and a book to read

July 1, 2019

stumbled upon this book at the library and I like it enough to suggest it to you if you're into writing and words and introspection and the petty details of everyday life and the ways that it all inspires bigger questions 


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bike messenger vs fax machine

June 28, 2019

You can slowly feed it into a fax machine if you could find one that works but whatever comes out on the other end won’t pay the rent. 

 

You can transfer money instantly with PayPal but there’s no money in your account. 

 

You can download the app but Erica can’t handle a bag of cash. 

 

You can talk for hours about cryptocurrency but it’s all horseshit. 

 

You can call a bike messenger. 

 


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pro hac vice

June 25, 2019

sunny day idea

buy a bicycle

ride it once

just this once

pro hac vice

twenty years later

it's another donation

nonprofit bike shop

upright comfort hybrid

adjustable stem stuck

grip shift pieceofshit

blownout front suspension

stepthrough aluminum nightmare

 

An ode to Bike Works this is and all those other nonprofit bike shops out there asking for donations. I’m not a yourbikesucks shit talker unless you can’t keep it out of my face and your bike really does suck, then I will gladly point it out. I have pulled 10000 donated bikes out of dumpsters and rolled them, bike trailered them and driven them in trucks and vans back to base as well as walked them from the Ferdinand fence over to Hudson Street on repeat repeatedly so I feel like I earned the right to talk shit about adjustable stems and blown out front suspension of disbelief. An upright comfort hybrid doesn’t speak to me the way it did to its original owner. Seattle sits on an aquifer of cycling, which is great because the donations roll in. However, while the board of directors is bragging about bike donations the foot soldiers are out there diving into dumpsters full of tangled piles of rusty shitty bikes extracting them one by one and it kinda sucks sometimes.  I have a great deal of respect for those that continue to work in small nonprofit bike shops. 

 

 


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