a quality of life issue

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it works every time

September 27, 2016

this photo from those guys down at DANK bags speaks on many levels as those in the know  know

this is just a hint a whiff  a wink a nod in that direction


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airconditioned astroturf authenticity

September 26, 2016

at interbike i saw a lot of this 1 x 12 shit. i saw some people i was really hoping to see. i saw some people i didn't expect to see. i saw a lot of electric fat bike bullshit. i saw some inspiring electric bike shit that could put some versatility back into my cargo bike. i saw some Cross Vegas velcro grass amazing UCI big time Euro racing machines from the VIP free beer viewing sections thanks to Sally and his substantial bike industry rolodex. 

i saw the PK RIPPER turn 40 with some sags and bulges in new places

i saw just a tiny bit of this

if you were there you would've seen this

i got really tired of it all and wanted to step out for some "fresh" air and all i saw was this. you can't get there from here. it's just across the street. but the street is an 8-lane freeway. please return to your casino and spend more money. 

Sally said "you're doing it wrong" and showed me the climate controlled consumer walkway between monumental casino hotels including the fake as fuck Irish pub that turned out to be more authentic feeling than any of the casino bars. then 1.5 days later kitty-corner from the pub I saw Pete Rose at a card table ready to sign autographs but nobody was there. nobody cared.

 

i'm holding back on my personal opinionated commentary on Las Vegas the city of unmet expectations false hope crushed dreams the overconsumption capitol of the world the ash tray of the US fake hair fake nails fake tan fake tits ask me how i really feel but after 2.25 days there i had my guard up as if everyone everywhere was trying to sell me something or get one over on me or overcharge me for a shitty cup of drip coffee because they were.  and all this paranoid skepticism this counterfeit authenticity this series of empty promises began to...

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when 10-speed meant 10-speed

September 19, 2016

 

I like to think I’m not that old school but I guess I kinda sorta am and many times I forget because almost all my coworkers are 26 fucking years old or younger. Not so long after seeing one of my bike computer collections Travis gave me this “bike computer”.  It was bolted to the bars of a sweet Schwinn circa 1974  wired to a monumentally big battery behind the seat tube.

 

Looking back to within a few years of that back in my day I had a speedometer the size of a keg cup bolted to the bars of my Sting Ray hardwired to the front wheel and when I say hardwired I mean it was a mechanical connection where the thingamajig near the hub rotation made things spin and the orange needle bounce on the gauge in an uber analog 70s way and I could get that thing over 17mph bombing down the big hills in the foothills of Spokane.

 

I’ve had a few bike computers in the past. But now I collect them and toss them in a bucket like fish heads and when that bucket runneth over I glue them down to a piece of plywood and call it art

 

The analog needles on that thing appeal to me but that label maker tape really impresses me the font 40 years later it’s crisp and clean and the adhesive is holding strong. This says to me Boeing Employee. By the way it's about the size of of your phone but thicker and three times heavier. No fluffy trendy shit there back when a ten speed was a ten speed cranks were 170mm handlebars were 38cm wide and top tubes were 56cm long no matter how tall or short the seat tubes were anywhere from 47 to 64cm. it wasn't geometry or ride quality it was mass production.  

 

the 1970s spitting distance from 12-speed and not that Sram $420 12-speed cassette horseshit. I mean...

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the tools to fix the one you've got

September 16, 2016

thank you Steve for this digital version

if anyone has the official actual physical tangible one of these that I can put in my wallet please send it to me and I'll send you some Onza pedals with all 3 elastomers or 5 pairs of Onza bar ends or 12 mega range 7-speed freewheels but you have to pay for shipping or you can just meet me at the warehouse and I'll give you a truckload of metal recycling and a case of 26" folding tires. 


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chain slip chain slap chain suck

September 16, 2016

less is more

more or less


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o m g

September 13, 2016

 I don't plug books very often but sometimes one jumps out and asks for attention. this one jumped so far out I'm getting both of my biological parents onto it and an old friend and now you too. I'm not reviewing it because it's been reviewed well here and here and here too.

now it's up to you

 

a few pw books re-viewed

Ten Points  by Bill Strickland 2007

Stoner  by John E Williams  1965

ninety-nine stories of GOD by Joy Williams 2016

 


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purple sparkle barbie bike brake housing

September 10, 2016

True Temper Cro-Moly hand made in the USA. it just feels better. it doesn't suck. steel gives off negative ions and has a different magnetic field around it or something like that. refurbished this little ditty the other day and when I say refurbished I mean I replaced every thing   every   single   little   fucking   thing on it except the seat post quick release. you may have noticed the cock-eyed brake pads in the photo and that's because I didn't replace them yet when the picture took and that cigarette butt was not staged it's actually on the ground lending a little old school authenticity to rapidly changing Columbia City. the opportunity to use some purple sparkle barbie-bike brake housing does not present itself very often and there is not a lot of orange compressionless housing sitting around either but this bike asked for it and Mike coughed up those sweet Dia Comp levers from his secret stash.  yes.

this 16.5" Trek 850 is only $369 at a little shop on Ferdinand Street


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archival quality triptych trip

September 10, 2016

drinking the kool aid

September 9, 2016

who can fix all those mail-order bikes that are assembled incorrectly? 


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black & white shoes after Labor Day

September 8, 2016

pants          NO

underwear NO

socks           NO

boots          YES

 

to be 3 and free to pee in the back yard

 


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NEW Studios pet-friendly near light rail $1850

September 8, 2016

 horseshit


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new to you used bike

September 7, 2016

progeny & pickle juice

September 4, 2016

make me a poster of an old rodeo

September 1, 2016

how the hell can a person

go to work in morning

drink 3 imperial pints in the evening

and not have to pee?

 

60 fluid ounces 

Stoup citra IPA

are you fucking kidding me?

 

 

tactical dehydration

running "light"

who needs EPO

 

on the coffee-beer continuum

water is just a by-product 

ask Robert Arzoo

 

on the 30-year check-in theme I sent this photo to Stevil a couple months ago because he's an Oly fan and Evil Dave knows a little something about a little bottle too. stumbled upon a 12 pack of stubbies in Grays Harbor county back in July. it was cold so I drank one. then Stevil informed me that the stubby will be making a return in the next year or so but they haven't been in production for 20+ years and he wondered how I got a preview prototype but it wasn't a preview it was a look back and the more I paid attention to it all the more the beer tasted like it was 20+ years old. not that bad but not quite right  and I fucked up the eBay re-sale value by busting open the 12 pack 

about 40 years ago I took the tour of the Olympia Brewery in Tumwater, WA with my family     "it's the water"    and at the end I enjoyed some root beer while the adults got the real deal. I got a souvenir giant inflatable Oly can and an Oly tank top that hung down to my ankles but was worn as pajamas and a t-shirt that years and years later fit me and I wore it in high school until the washed-up former MLB pitcher then AA 12-step PE teacher said we could not wear beer logo attire in gym class but he could never seem to be able to pronounce the word Pilder either. 

I've only lived in Seattle for 25 years but I grew up in the 509 and have...

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fade From black

August 30, 2016

We can't return we can only look
Behind from where we came
And go round and round and round
In the circle game

--Joni Mitchell 

it's like the stem and bars from a late 80's Stumpjumper a little 30-year check-in that reveals what 30 years of sunlight can do to the original black finish

because you don't notice the slow decline looking in the mirror every day but when you see an old friend for the first time since 1989 you see what 30 years does to a person and realize what 30 years has done to you too

 

 


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The Impossible Hour + 2

August 26, 2016

Benotto   Modelo 2000

55cm square

tight

 

this was the Bicycle du Jour at least the memorable one in the fog of aluminum front suspension upright comfort hybrids

I don't get my hands on a Benotto very often but when I do it tends to remind me of C. Forest Hoag 

 

and then when I dig a little deeper it reminds me of this

 


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he who brag of no flat tire, get flat tire

August 25, 2016

she who run fast   catch crowded elevator   stop on every floor

she who slow   catch the next one   get there faster

 

spit gum on sidewalk

get gum on shoe

 

talk shit

eat shit

 

there's a force in the universe I like to think of as the shut-the-fuck-up force that comes around for those that talk too much about never getting flat tires or always this or never that until things come around and even out and then those big talkers get the message and shut the fuck up

corrections

not so gentle reminders 

parameters

 

 


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fuck it. I'll make my own

August 23, 2016

hose clamps and duct tape. these are a few of my favorite things. not much experience with pvc but I've seen the hundreds of fittings available at the local hardware store and it's like a toy store with too many choices. I pulled this off a donated bike and I've had it hanging on the wall since because it symbolizes the diy spirit of bikes that appeals to me. the self contained independence of riding to work or riding anywhere on your own schedule. even when bikes don't work quite right they work pretty well and if you can't find what you're looking for then make it yourself. I'm not exactly sure what this person made here but they put some time and effort into it and I bet it got the job done. 

it's still true eight years later but now you have a new perspective

constantly maintaining a professional appearance with consistent locknut lip clearance. Sweet & sour pork triple clamp fork front suspension of disbelief. Loose balls, bearing jars of pickled herring. Brass nipples shits and-or giggles. Crank arm extractor. Ask Greg Vogel about the chicken tractor.  Nine dollar gourmet cupcakes. Poorly adjusted cantilever brakes. Headset press. Barefoot summer dress.

Cycling computer. Psycho commuter. Hose-clamped milk crate douche bags expecting respect from bungee-corded pickle bucket Dexter Avenue warriors. Fluorescent yellow jackets lineup. That light was red suck up. Heads up. On your left all around. Fixed gear conversion virgins whack track standing. Vehicular cyclist charade. Late-November chuffer parade.  

Thin ice. Poor advice. T-shirt tan. Window fan. Be kind please rewind. Your credit card has been declined. Forget full retailing smooth sailing. Forty hour work week too much tongue in cheek.

It will all make sense behind a white picket fence.

 


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KONA Cinder Cone

August 21, 2016

this bike rolled in with lots of mismatched parts and a blownout fork. the rat trap rack secured with a shoelace and a piece of plastic laminate wedged under the plastic crate to act as a fender. it had a 25.4 seatpost just floating in the seat tube. 

I got it down to the frame saving only the cranks and then I started over. Installing a threadless fork and quite a few new parts complimented by some trusty used ones. 


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you can lead a horse to water

August 20, 2016

as president of the Profile Design cup holders club easing seamless transitions along the coffee-beer continuum it pains me to be seen in public with an unsightly strap-on bottle cage like this. However it's wicked hot out and I'm a little more thirsty than usual on my short commute to work and this frame has no bottle cage bolts. when the temperature goes back below 90 I will most likely remove this thing. or bust out a bunch of zipties duct tape pvc pipes popsicle sticks and twine in the DIY bike commuter spirit of home-baked-half-assness perhaps drill the shit out of the frame and use some sheetrock screws to get that bottle cage to rattle around and kind of stay on there just a little cockeyed. 


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