what was that? is that all there is? who is this? this is it.

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same pig different day

December 4, 2021


Sometimes some things remind me of some other things. Sometimes the same old thing reminds me of other people from another time in the same old place. 


The pig will always remind me of Matt Case’s ass and if the crowds in the market weren't so thick perhaps Junior or Junior Junior could've reenacted the classic photo today with a concerned 49er fan family in the background looking on instead of the Cowboy family of yesteryear. 


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non drive side dismount discourse

December 2, 2021


27” steel rims in the rain


43 pounds of steel. Behold the Schwinn Varsity.  Ask me about Ashtabula, Ohio and then we can talk about Chicago and Japan. I won’t just talk shit about the bike but I will refer you to this recapitulated by this  


Over the long holiday weekend this bike was left in the bushes near The Ave on the Burke Gilman. Then some well-meaning state workers propped it up on a handrail thinking someone would come by and reclaim it. But that was days ago. The original owner probably bought it when Jimmy Carter was in the white house. Then it passed its time in dusty garages and yard sales. Fast forward a few decades…   ...when the Thanksgiving thief gave up on it before he made it to 15th Avenue. Because of its monumental weight, he couldn’t so much chuck it as just lay it down and walk away. If a bike isn’t parted-out or stolen in the U-district within 24 hours, then something isn’t quite right. 


It wasn’t there when I went in. But it was there when I came out. I like to visualize the Provost or some other high level figure head emeritus returning from lunch and working to get that one last little chunk of teriyaki chicken out of their teeth and then nonchalantly dropping their dental pick behind my bike just before reentering the building to return to their office to scroll through their facebook feed for a few more hours. 


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in the weeds

December 1, 2021

second guessing

double checking

backtracking   weed whacking


you’re in the weeds

the crow knows cuz crows know

play it by ear


you can't

get there

from here


poor night vision

leaves huge spaces 

open to interpretation


fill it all in with details

drawn from the archives

however outdated & incompatible 


just a dusty old 

file box filled 

with VHS tapes


you’d like to think it’s a false flat 

a slow decline an incremental regression 

imperceptible deterioration 


normal wear & tear 

you   know   

just riding along  


but it hits in spits and starts

jumpy jumps   whacky whacks 

an aching  lower back


your karmic credit card 

has gone to collections

now   the big payback


I don’t know the answer

but    I do know  

it’s not a leaf blower

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November 30, 2021

11    years  later

22    years  later

whatever it takes

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cry me an atmospheric river

November 27, 2021

goldsmith photo circa 1998


ask me if it's raining


in Seattle's wettest ever  November 2021

right up there with           November 1998

and if you recall                November 2006

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yes know maybe

November 24, 2021


in situ resource utilization 


if you think it’s hard to be gluten-free or vegan, try making it through the day without using a petroleum-based product. you’ve already failed. 


resistance is futile 


you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him deliver Amazon packages to the correct address. 


free beer tomorrow


the artist’s mock-up of the appliance took seven months of labor filled with painstaking detail and consultation and cost the client $36,000. the actual appliance is available at Target for $149. 


tastes like chicken 


there was nothing level or plumb in the entire structure and he showed up geared up to fuck up all that wabi-sabi...   ...toting a tape measure talking the text book talk.


let’s roll 


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this much madness is too much sorrow

November 22, 2021

dark cold rainy November days in Seattle sometimes remind me of big fat bags of Vashon shrooms from the hands of Ortega followed by dark cold rainy November nights trippin balls in affordable Capitol Hill apartments listening to Down by the River one more time  over  and  over  and  over

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telepathic pseudoscientific numerology

November 21, 2021


the numbers don’t lie

in the pudding  is the proof

just putting it out there



you’ll  see

a postcard 



in your mind



count on one hand

digitally      that is

the number of times


it all adds up

run the numbers

bottom line




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are you my Jimmy John?

November 19, 2021

things take time

November 18, 2021

supply chain logistics

shopping days ‘till Christmas

keep   it   outta   my   face


everything    is one click away

your package       is on its way

here   is your tracking number


take a moment to remember

please    &    thank you

the   sad   sack   sucker


schlepping your shit      the

final fifty fucking 






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the girl with the chainring tattoo

November 17, 2021

not impossible 

more  nontraditional 


a subtle nod 

to those in the know


non-drive side 

inside joke


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heat shrink hot glue key leash

November 16, 2021

full circle

do like Stevil does with a gob of hot glue but then slide some heat-shrink tubing over it before it sets and shrink that shit to hide the unsightly goober 

i do like these AHTBM key leashes. they hold up for a long time and then with some reinforcement, even longer. 


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November 15, 2021

grayscale   grayscale

swish your bushy tail 

holding pattern suspended

dongles   dangle 

rerun circuitous repetition 

one more time around

like   clockwork   like

a traveling salesman problem

backtrack   roundabout  replica

rewind  repeat  reverse

r e t r o p e r i s t a l s i s 

hurl      chunder     spew

is that the best you can do?

functional fixedness  status quo

decisions    decisions    revisions  

human error         poor routing          


two roads diverged in a wood  and I

I took the one less traveled by


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all i wanted was a pepsi

November 13, 2021



is it raining? 



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out of context taken : tall drip

November 10, 2021


“I’ll have a venti caramel macchiato    and can you add an extra shot of espresso...   ...and then like,  you know,  to compensate with the sweetness because of that extra shot, can I get like two extra pumps of vanilla???     ...oh, and an apple fritter”


that’s what she said


no joke really for real I was right there in line behind her patiently waiting staring off into space and licking the back of my teeth huffing my face mask thinking about how once the allotted word count is exceeded it’s no longer about coffee it’s about some kind of personal identity expository essay or horseshit jibber jabber debate on the wire monkey vs the cloth monkey or trust funds or disparity or the perception of our place in the universe at this exact moment or organized religion oh wait are you fucking kidding me how can you get through the day trying to communicate all that shit to the barista muffled through a face mask and two layers of sneeze glass and how in fact her macchiato mashup is nothing compared to the foo-foo drinks so-called-Seattle-coffee people order all the time and then I watched the student worker cashier fumbling to ring the shit up as she couldn’t find enough buttons to cover all the variables to get the ten bucks out of the customer...


...then it was my turn and I said


I’d like a tall drip 

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press firmly, you're making 3 copies

November 9, 2021

this is what six feet looks like

this is your last free article

this is  all there is 








this is what six feet looks like

this is your last free article

this is   all there is  






this is what six feet looks like

this is your last free article

this is   all there is 

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finger tight

November 6, 2021

ignorance is bliss

November 5, 2021

wacky cliques click       tacky clocks tick
indecisive advisor a divisive incisor
two for you     two for me    too
two too many    tutu shimmy
blown out chamois
two of a kind          kind of
pair up        pare down
lose weight    it’s a long wait
pull up a chair in the waiting room
wipe down a bench in the weight room
non fat mocha extra whip
extracurricular            extramarital trip
late night liaison lair
laissez faire      kissing cousins   county fair
it’s all there   it’s only fair     pay the fare
lawyer = liar     liar liar house on fire
outerlayer outlander outlier
bit player  bricklayer  3-ply toilet paper
thin veneer                              one more beer

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November 3, 2021

I know a guy       he

knows a guy that knows a guy

who knows what’s up 

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fall back bro

November 2, 2021

October 29, 2021


March 29, 2021

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