what was that? is that all there is? who is this? this is it.

pilderwasser unlimited T-shirts  pilder what? kickstand P know knew spew snap shots autoBIKEography RAGBRAI  slide shows phot-o-rama stationary-a-gogo 1/2 x 3/32 links

teriyaki turkey jerky

January 15, 2025

2.54cm per chuck

give ‘em an inch 

they’ll take a shit

 


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a cat walks into a bar

January 13, 2025

I’m a palindrome fan: street addresses, zip codes, QR codes, calendar dates, digital clocks, coffee shop customer numbers, bar tabs, random numbers, symbols, words, phrases even complete sentences that read the same forward and backward. Bilateral symmetry, one way or another, speaks to me. 

 

I poached this Jon Agee cartoon from one of his books.

 

Aibohphobia is the fear of palindromes and of course the word itself is a palindrome. Somebody just made that shit up and I say   top spot.  

 

borrow or rob?

was it a car or a cat I saw?

no, it is open on one position

never odd or even

pull up if I pull up

don’t nod

peep

wow 

top spot

 


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static flow

January 12, 2025

Complicit inertia

complacent inertia

resting object

staying at rest

faster than 

a speeding Bullitt

static flow

idiot savant

definite maybe

protected bike lane

right of way

rite of passage

run the gauntlet

take the alley

off the Ave

at NE 42nd St 

run the gamut

variety show

static flow

shitshow

shit

call it 

what you will

 


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aphorism schism

January 10, 2025

you

can 

lead

a horse

to water

but

you 

can’t 

make

him

think

 


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confused with someone else

January 8, 2025

SOMEONE ELSE

by Rae Armantrout

 

The glum mail carrier

arrives after dark. 

 

 

You open your mouth:

 

“We” is a pity-party.

“I” is a Satanic cult.

 

Or it’s the other way around.

 

 

“Let’s pretend someone else

is blowing the bubbles!”

 

Painting the baubles.

 

Someone else

points and runs.

 

###

 

 

 

 

You must have me confused with someone else

You must have me confused with someone who gives a shit

You must have me confused with some other 55 year old bald white neuro divergent electric ass bathtub glum mail carrier

  

Armantrout has gotten my attention a few times in the past few years with her poems in the New Yorker. So few words. So much going on. 

But the other other day I got my hands on her 21st book of poetry:

GO FIGURE

it’s a keeper 

 

“Crystalline poems refract the meaning and irony of human existence; a clarifying, cagey reckoning with experience that may never add up.” –provided by publisher

 

spot on 

 

Rae Armantrout and Joy Williams walk into a bar

The bartender says    nothing: (speechless) 

 

What if…

…only for an hour or so you could see the world through their eyes (Williams or Armantrout) not only their eyes, but their eyes wired to their brains processing the input and feeding it to your brain. An hour might be too much, too overwhelming. 

 

Through their books I can only imagine. 




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bolt circle diameter

January 7, 2025

The only thing Campy at my house is a front hub in a wheel in a gate that I slapped together ten years ago to keep Junior Junior from crawling and falling off the stairs on the deck.  Here and now it’s still hanging on by a zip tie or two and keeping the dogs contained, more or less.  

 

Recently I uncovered one more Campy item in my basement. The 1997 Campagnolo Spare Parts Catalogue. It’s full of simple elegant exploded view diagrams of various Campy components. 

 

In the past week I have dismantled the catalog and I’m in the process of creating a series of postcards. I enjoy silkscreening and mishmashing stickers and images and recycled cardboard with glue sticks and paint. 

 

But what really brings me joy is the fact that I know that you know that I know Campy chainrings have a 135mm bolt circle diameter. And the chainring I’m slapping over the top of those beautiful Campy crank diagrams is a Shimano big ring with a 130 bcd.  Little things like that bring me joy. 

 

The exploded view of a Campy Record headset is great on its own and doesn’t need much help or improvement. 

 

The old Suntour derailleur I’m screening over the elegant Campy record derailleur is from another time, another category, but when they end up together on a scrap of cardboard new things appear. Toss in a few arrow stickers and call it art. With proper postage, call it a postcard. 


Years ago while working in a small nonprofit bike shop sorting through endless piles of bike shit, trying to organize usable parts and differentiate the shit-shit from the good-shit, I saw some other bike shop had chainrings displayed on pegs spaced to their corresponding bcd. So I created a display totem of common size chainrings with nails spaced to their bcds.  

 

It turned out to be a bust. Finicky and not user friendly for customers or employees. It’s much easier to paw through a milk crate full of 130 chainrings and toss in fresh incoming donations too. Trying to line up the bolt holes on a stack of rings was time consuming and frustrating and that display was eventually abandoned. 

 


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Safeway more ways

January 6, 2025

“There’s more than one way to get to Safeway”

a wise woman once said

 

getting to Safeway is easy, bombing downhill all the way. But getting home is a slow grind up the hills with a couple cheese pizzas, bananas and some grapefruit seltzer water in the Burley. 

 

This little Burley came from Bike Works for only $10.00 a few months ago because Junior wanted it for a Halloween costume idea. She pushed her friend around the block a few times then forgot about it and it’s been gathering dust since mid October.  Until yesterday when I hitched up a new grocery getter. 

 

It was mostly enjoyable but I ran out of gears on the 1 x 7. Next time I might try the other 1 x 7. If I go with a single-speed there will be some walking back up a couple of the hills on the way home. 

 

It’s been a long long time since I pulled a trailer. Since Junior and Junior Junior both fit in a double-wide Burley and I could actually take them to the park or the pool. We also had a CETMA cargo bike so the Burley was mostly used as a giant stroller, taking up the entire sidewalk. Very rarely did I hitch it to a bike. 

 

yesteryear...   ...before the CETMA I got a stripped down flatbed trailer from Jason Hultman and I used it to pick up pony kegs once in a while on a mostly flat round trip to 1221 E. Pike. Then I passed that trailer on to CMWC Craig Etheridge. 


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BFF

January 5, 2025

 

The other day Bret in ABQ told me about the Bicycle Film Festival (virtual) and then he bought me a ticket too. So now I’m watching it all in the comfort of my basement. 

 

Over the years I bought tickets a couple times and attended variations of the bike film festival when it rolled through Seattle theaters. 

 

But now I can watch all these films, fast forward, rewind and replay for days. 

 

Thank you Bret

Bicycle Film Festival

 

 


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life after death

January 4, 2025

Yesterday I half-assedly read the headlines in the New York Times, noting one article about life after death. 

 

Several hours later in the day in which it never stopped raining I pulled the electric ass bathtub all the way up into a covered cubby near the Ocean Sciences Building door to get out of the rain for a moment and deliver their mail. When I looked over at the bike on the rack I got a vague message from the bike’s owner who passed away a couple years ago. 

 

Then I went back and read that article in the New York Times and I was fortunate because it was my only free article as I’m not a subscriber. I hope you can read it too. It focuses on a group of scientists doing research on reincarnation, life after death and the possibility of receiving messages from the dead. Or the possibility of the dead sending messages over to this side where we’re still living. If a message is sent but there’s no one to receive it, does it make a sound? 

 

Long ago, Russell mentioned that this guy's bike was still locked up on campus. But it didn’t register with me, didn’t sink in. I visit Ocean Sciences often but I don’t usually park the bathtub in that spot and there are usually 50,000 people milling around campus and several other bikes on all the assorted bike racks. 

 

Yesterday however, there was no one in sight and only one bike on the rack and I stood and stared at it for a couple minutes. Like a ghost bike in more ways than one. 

 

This bike’s owner lived in his Astro van near the mothership. His van no longer functioned as an automobile and it was covered in reflective insulation bubble wrap. He kept his bike locked to a railing outside the mothership. As you can see in this  old photo I pulled from the archives.  

I would often see this guy riding to or from campus where he spent a lot of time in various buildings. We’d pass on sidewalks or the Burke-Gilman. I’d also see him in and around his Astro Van too because we rode by it all day everyday. 

 

I never had any conversation with the guy. Perhaps that’s why yesterday’s message was vague but I acknowledged it respectfully like a subtle chin tilt when crossing paths with another messenger. 


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like this and like that and like this

January 3, 2025

fortunate sequence of events

January 2, 2025

28 days later

December 30, 2024

 

sign, sign

everywhere a sign

blockin' out the scenery

breakin' my mind

do this, don't do that

can't you read the sign?



left turn only

bus only

only only

if and only if

if only

as if

oneway

this way

that way

both ways

either way

anyway

you two too

no   not you

you

accept 

except

bicycles

 

Signs everywhere. They’re not blocking out the scenery, they are the scenery. No longer looking at them, looking through them, over them, around them, taking them for granted, a given, a premise, a baseline riff, on or off, left or right, one way or another. 

 

In situ signs blend in with everything. Especially when moving in traffic at traffic speed. But when a bomb cyclone blew through Seattle in November, this one was torn off its sign post, making it easier to see in a new light, in another context. To get up-close, to get hands-on, to realize how big and reflective and heavy and awkward and over-built traffic signs are.  

 

This sign is 48” x 30” the largest in the collection so far and it needs its own wall space. By the way, I didn’t steal it, I just picked it up off the ground after a 28 day observation period in which I patiently watched it get kicked from here to there propped up, knocked down and moved around. A month is  plenty of time to plan for another context. 

 

I’ve been curating a collection of arrows and arrow signs for several years. Ground-scores, thrift stores, gifts and yard sales. 

 


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cold bump

December 27, 2024

I don’t follow the academic calendar, I just roll around in it. Doing the same routes every day, plus or minus 50,000 students, faculty, staff and what-nots. 

 

Here and now falls in the midst of a break between quarters with lots of open spaces, locked-down empty buildings and a little more down time than usual.  Idle hands, as you know, are tools of the devil. But in my hands I hold 400 pages of Rachel Kushner’s latest and greatest book, Creation Lake

 

When it first came out I read a blurb about it and forgot it.  Secret agent “noir” books are not my style. Then a few days ago I picked it up at the library and took a closer look.  This is not your average book. I’ve read a couple Kushner books in the past and she’s a real badass. 

 

I’ve read 47% of those 400 pages but I can 100% fully recommend that you read this book. 

 


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drip coffee

December 24, 2024

7:33am Xmas Eve - all I wanted was coffee 

Sea-Fab CLOSED 

Allegro CLOSED 

Solstice CLOSED 

Bulldog CLOSED 

but the sign said opening @ 9 

 

So I went through the motions of doing my job until 9am and then rolled back to Bulldog for some coffee. When I strolled in the owner was there saying “the espresso bar is closed but we have drip coffee” and I smiled thinking this is my dream coffee shop: 

 

 

 

pilder’s coffee 

order anything you want, all those foo-foo, poo-poo, shmoopy-poopy espresso drinks that people drink, with every possible fucked up labor intensive bullshit combination…  …we’ll let you spit all that shit out and we’ll charge you for it, but you’ll get a cup of drip coffee, just like everyone else

 

 

people love us on yelp 

 

 

 

 

The photo I’ve poached here is Nathaniel, a godfather of coffee and a godfather of the U-district. It’s old and it’s not mine, but I poached it because it speaks to me on several levels. I met Nathaniel 29 years ago when I worked at Kids Co and his kid was in kindergarten. He was an owner of Cafe Allegro. I was an aimless liberal arts grad about to get a messenger job for the summer before grad school.  Now his kid has her own kids and he’s retired. But he’s still a pillar in the 98105. Allegro, Bulldog and Big Time are old school U district establishments and I like that, that old school vibe. Sincerely for real. Really. These days I see Nathaniel once in a while on the street or at Big Time and he's a rock star rocking on. 

This academic calendar year my coffee-beer continuum has consistently been Bulldog <---> Big Time. Kicking off the day and then wrapping it up on the way back home.

Coffee <---> Beer

Spitting distance from each other on the AVE. 

 


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do does did

December 24, 2024

git

get

got



am is are 

was were

have has had

do does did

will would

can could

shall should

may might must

been being be



Just the other day I do does did git got get a card from Shaggy. The latest in the C-n-V holiday series of high quality hand built small batch cards from Milwaukee.

They kick ass

sincerely

for real

really


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like 39 said, it wouldn't be Christmas without roasted chestnuts

December 22, 2024

in 2006 when

 

 

the Four Seasons was the Four Seasons

the Sonics were in Seattle and

the Sonics cheerleaders did shit like this

 

roasted chestnut promo on a Tuesday afternoon

bring on the red turtleneck sweater

and the google analytics

 

 

 

 


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turning the solstice corner

December 21, 2024

semi subterranean

daylight basement

psychosomatically

corner turning

solstice celebrating

seizure inducing

blinky light blinking

Good Will Hunting 

soundtrack looping

w o r k i n g

within constraints 

arbitrarily formulated 

years ago

those who knew why 

are gone 

long gone

we do it this way 

because that’s the way 

it’s always been done 

too complacent 

to ask questions 

or improve 

on anything

so   it   goes

until

12 years go by

playing with house money

nondisclosure agreement

wash hands 

with dish soap

wash dishes 

with hand soap

are those the

only choices?

repeat

day in

day out

clockwork

muscle memory 

all the way down 

to the cracks 

in the pavement

habitrails

routine

route

rote

rut

 


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December 18, 1998

December 19, 2024

wing & a prayer

December 17, 2024

Staring off into space in a sleep deprived stupor sometimes reading the New Yorker until I can’t no more. Somewhere between here and there a woman got on the train with her pristine new e-bike and hoisted it on the hook next to my single speed. For about seven seconds I tried to compare and contrast the two and make a mental list of all the variables that could fall out of place to make them each dysfunctional. Then I gave up because I couldn’t keep track of them all. 

 

I ride parsimonious single speeds and Occam’s Razor utility bikes. My tainted biased point of view comes from a consistently constant continuous cost-benefit analysis. I feel fine talking shit about e-bikes. I don’t own one, I just ride one all day, and it’s not just an e-bike, it’s a $15,000 electric ass bathtub that kicks ass. The e-assist is what makes my job possible. 

 

I don’t have to pay for it, or work on it, or call customer service with any questions about it. I just ride it, Mr McFeely like for real, really. While a guy named Alistair builds up the fleet of e-cargo bikes and keeps them all running and repairs all the little shit. All the while I remain blissfully ignorant of the nitty gritty e-bike mechanics, electronics and hydraulics. 

 

As I’m riding in and around the 98195 I’m watching all the chuffers out there on their e-bikes and scooters and skeets wizzing all around me cluelessly. They don’t ride like cyclists. They ride like e-bike ipso facto assholes. 

 

I looked up this WING e-bike and you can too.  That integrated light top tube thing made me Van Moof in my mouth. As those in the know know that’s not a good thing and they also know this shit was probably made in the same old Van Moof factory. 

 

My recurring Scattante dreams are going Van Moof. 

 

A mail order e-bike, some assembly required, for $1500…  What could possibly go wrong? The feel-good honeymoon lasts about 48 hours or less before things go to shit. Bolts finger tight. Everything half-assed.  Then you’re on hold with customer service in China while your local bike shop says “go fuck yourself. Don’t bring that shit in here” and you're sitting on a pile of e-bike shit. Heavy and slow and annoying. 

 

I suggest spending more money on a bike from a shop that will stand behind their product and be able to service it when issues arise.  Perhaps you could get a Wombi from Davey Oil. 




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the universe is talking to you

December 15, 2024

the message is in the numbers

there are books

and more books

and more books

all about it

 

Tommy Tutone and two actuaries walk into a bar…

 

…the bartender makes a mental note, smirks and ponders the statistical significance, taking into account each patron's date of birth and residential zip code

 

for thousands of years mathematicians have run the numbers

 

twenty two divided by seven

 

for 43 years anthropologists, sociologists, economists,  actuaries, scammers, scratch ticket buyers and coin flippers have been calling 867-5309

 

Jenny Jenny

 

who can I turn to?

 

irrational & trancendental

 

numbers numbering

 

a circle's circumference

 

to its diameter

 

give me something 

 

I can hold on to 

 

3.141592

 


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cack-handed continuum

December 11, 2024

To open door

pull handle

you are here

are you

kidding me?

cack-handedly

going about it

all wrong

all the right digits

all out of sequence

50 mm

lost & found

here & there

this & that

skinwalking

shape shifting

learned helplessness

ringing the doorbell 

that’s been broken 

for 07 years 

all the while the

functional doorbell 

looks on

you hear me now?

avoid eye contact

buy 10 - get 1 free

or 10% off 

whatever

sounds better

consumers consume

getting on elevators

avoiding escalators

too good to be true?

probably

perception - reality

oblivious to both

with it or on it

peaceful easy feeling

lurking in space 

between the lines

on another frequency

seemingly contradictory

common denominator

invert & multiply

simplify

first pull up

then pull down

don’t fuck it up

woke up      in a

Scattante factory

the quality

bothered me

cheater bars

all around

smell that smell

Rick Steves

asking me 

shower curtain 

factory dreams

in Cantonese

PULL

just pull

just

pull

 

 


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throwback Thursday on Wednesday

December 11, 2024

your MESSAGE here

December 6, 2024

Mocha Mousse loose stool

December 5, 2024

fleece lined action slacks

December 4, 2024

pages lifted from Remy Charlip's  Arm in Arm  1969

A book I had as a kid, a book I revisit sometimes, like today when it's 29 outside and I'm wearing fleece-lined action slacks cut off at the knee

 

these are not the $246 gravel bike shorts you've read about on the Radavist. These are $25 eBay pants. They get the job done. So well in fact I got another pair so I can Mr Rodgers out of my black work cutoffs into my grey home cutoffs.

no joke 

grown men 

in short pants

riding bikes

in circuitous patterns 


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in a nutshell

December 2, 2024

three thirty three

and other delights

Taste of Honey

Licks of Love

apple cider vinegar

seasonal affective disorder

electric ass bathtub

Neurodivergent Mr McFeely

one less care

Hans Christian Andersen

Dexter Avenue Warrior

out the window

objects in mirror

closer than appear

angle of incidence

angle of reflection

Pilder W Asser

quality of life

in a nutshell

phantom nostalgia syndrome

long story short

sincerely for real

brick by brick

high plains drifter

down tube shifter

Swisher Sweet wrapper

discarded dental pick

same old shit

the new black

first stage denial

placebo effect defect

registered trade mark

high water mark

zero seven mark

centimeters per inch

pounds per kilogram

miles per gallon

ONEWAY or another

here nor there

give or take

heads or tails

plus or minus

coffee beer continuum

along the AVE

Bulldog coffee black

Big Time cheers

India Pale Ale

repeat as needed

start all over

do it again

do not adjust

your vector Victor

crows feet hover

over heat register

 


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N 30

November 30, 2024

#29

November 28, 2024

Put this sign in the driveway with an ad on craigslist at 8am. Got two responses within 15 minutes and a few more later in the day.

 

The West Seattle Bowl lane #29 sign has a new home

 

66” x 44” x 18”

 

free is free

 

 

 

 

 


 


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put back in situ

November 26, 2024

King Candy 

candle holders

retrospects

taken out of context

put back in situ

resource utilizations

freewheeling freewheel

gear inch calculations

off the chart

run the numbers

connect the dots

JB Weld gray

skies are gonna 

clear up

put on a

happy face


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to the untrained eye

November 23, 2024

photo lifted from the Radavist readers' rides division, which is my favorite part of that site. I could care less about all the latest gravel bike shit. 

But I'm into bikes like this, bikes that get ridden. Bikes that "look shit enough to be worthless to the untrained eye" 

I dig the photos and the owner's descriptions too

this 1988 Raleigh is spot on


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