what was that? is that all there is? who is this? this is it.

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it's like this and like that

December 10, 2009

It’s like one less fuel efficient car with a bumper sticker that reads one less SUV.

It’s like the assumption that a paramilitary uniform commands more respect than an ill-fitting blue blazer with dumpy grey slacks.

It’s like a crocheted Kleenex box cover.

It’s like three battery-powered fake candles glowing on the reception desk amid plastic pine boughs emitting the chemically reproduced smell of melted wax and artificial cinnamon all over a medium sized law firm on the 19th floor of a large office building that has thousands of windows, none of which open,  a building that has a newly retrofitted HVAC system, a building that prohibits the use or presence of open flames, flames like the kind you would expect to find on real candles glowing real light in December emitting smells of real wax melting and dripping on the legal documents I place on the desk when I stamp my return copies.   

It’s like falsely notarizing documents regarding the sale of his father-in-law’s car in Oklahoma.

It’s like the alien that popped out of that guy’s stomach.

It’s like finding yourself on a road that used to go through but now dead-ends into a massive parking garage for a mixed use condo hotel complex of shoddy new construction with street-level retail and an Azteca restaurant on level M2, and you thought you were hungry but you can’t smell the food you can only smell the chemicals off-gassing from the new carpet, wall coverings and vinyl upholstery, but the staff is friendly.

It’s like that.
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8 Comments

pilder said...

it's like the most wonderful time of the year

Posted December 10, 2009 06:53 PM | Reply to this comment
let down said...

its like when people smile at your face and fuck you secretly in the pooper.

Posted December 10, 2009 07:36 PM | Reply to this comment
piddler replied to let down...

it's like that and like this and like that

Posted December 10, 2009 08:49 PM | Reply to this comment
Kirk R. Dungan said...

It's like doing what you did yesterday only being a little nicer 'cause it's the holidays 'cause we don't say Christmas anymore. It's the same shit on a different day but we try to do it a little nicer. Happy Holidays

Posted December 11, 2009 05:00 AM | Reply to this comment
pilder replied to Kirk R. Dungan...

Merry Christmas Kirk R. Dungan

Posted December 11, 2009 07:15 AM | Reply to this comment
reverend dick said...

So, like, it's cool.

Posted December 13, 2009 08:34 PM | Reply to this comment
Bobby B said...

It's like living in the southern hemisphere where every f-ing pine tree is fake but the weather is great so you don't think about that shit, you just get a sunburn and green ice cream merry f-ing Christ Mass.

Posted December 14, 2009 05:06 PM | Reply to this comment
Bernie R said...

It's like drinking naturally caffeinated organic Herba-Mate with organic cane sugar, brought over from the rain forest by the world fair trade commission, sippin' it out of an Oregon Zoo cup while driving an effin Hummer.

Posted December 21, 2009 03:10 PM | Reply to this comment

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