what was that? is that all there is? who is this? this is it.

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disbelief of suspension

November 12, 2008

Listen here my friend
do me a favor    and
don’t do me any favors

Once there was a way
but it’s now too close to call
let’s look at the replay
everything is not going to be OK
and hey…
you have a great day
 
 

Madison at 4th Avenue. Red light. Waiting. An umbrella flies by at eye level, northbound on 4th on a gust of wind. I watch it for a second then look to my left and spot the umbrella’s owner. Then I roll through and decide to chase it down for her. Just before Spring Street I pin it to a parked car and grab it. Turning it back to convex from concave when a guy approaches me and says “Hey I’d like to return that to its rightful owner” Dude that’s what I'm doing…why would I go two blocks out of my way to chase a janky umbrella through traffic? Umbrellas are for tourists, Hair Club for Men members and people from Clyde Hill.  I don’t need an umbrella.

I know a thing or two about riding on the sidewalk. It’s legal here in Mayberry.  The cops do it all day long. The MID ambassadors only ride there.  And I ride there too sometimes being an old, slow, lazy legal messenger.  I’m all about the transition from street to sidewalk to office building to sidewalk to street. Repeating as needed. In Seattle all the new and retrofitted handi ramps have plastic yellow or white bubble mats tacked right in their center. I call them bubble mats,  the city calls them truncated domes   Their purpose is to increase the visibility of curb ramps for pedestrians with poor eyesight. While they meet this requirement and help all those Mr. Magoos out there, they make things worse for every one else.  Wet concrete can be slippery. But wet truncated domes are slicker than snot. They are just highly visible off-camber placemats greased with pork fat. Pedestrians are sliding all over them and non attentive cyclists can easily lose their front wheel in the rain if they hit the bubble mats at an odd angle.

These mats were designed by some pedestrian expert in Tucson or Boca Raton. An expert that has never walked in heels in the rain in Seattle or ridden a bike in the dark rainy winters of Seattle. But this expert somehow got in with the ADA standards maker, perhaps over a lavish meal at the Capital Grille or maybe because they play golf together and so here we are in Seattle slipping and falling in November 2008.  I wish I could blame it on some jackass from the SDOT, but they’re just building the new ramps to meet federal standards.  The same federal standards that apply in Laramie or Las Vegas or Long Beach or Long Island City.

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8 Comments

Jon Quon said...

In reference to the umbrella no good deed goes unpunished, I have scars to prove it. There's a certain messenger in jail right now for some mayberry bullshit who i've seen help a blind man find 520 pike when everyone else just stood by, and who also was the first to help a lady who dropped a bag of groceries breaking said bag's glass contents while trying to manage a stroller. I guess what i'm trying to say is we are in a world of shit but at least we're in it together.

Posted November 12, 2008 08:56 PM | Reply to this comment
my_town said...

If you come to my town you can't ride on the sidewalks. At least not in the business areas. But that's always been my favorite place to cruise. When I take my next vacation I'm going to go to Seattle and ride the sidewalks.

Posted November 12, 2008 10:57 PM | Reply to this comment
pilder replied to Jon Quon...

copy that Jon. Well said. Many times that "we're in it together" thing gets me through the day, the dark November days. Cheers to you. Word.

Posted November 12, 2008 11:09 PM | Reply to this comment
Parker said...

Greetings from Austin -- still loving your site, and just saying Hi. Cheers

Posted November 13, 2008 06:59 AM | Reply to this comment
next planet please said...

if there was a button that said "next planet" i'd shut my eyes real tight and smash it with my fist.

Posted November 13, 2008 08:56 AM | Reply to this comment
truncated dome said...

but aren't i just ssssssso great in theory!?

Posted November 13, 2008 08:59 AM | Reply to this comment
Kirk R. Dungan said...

All this time I thought the truncated cones were there to help the wheelchairs when it snows.

Posted November 13, 2008 10:55 PM | Reply to this comment
RedKev said...

You try getting a wheelchair up that truncated yellow dome ramp in the rain with only one good arm and one good leg.

Posted November 16, 2008 12:18 AM | Reply to this comment

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