what was that? is that all there is? who is this? this is it.

According to the USDA you need to eat,       a lot.

At the base of the pyramid is the Beer Group (bread, cereal, rice, pasta). For the average American they recommend 6-12 servings. For the average cyclist I suggest more, much more. Pasta and potato salad sandwiches are shortcuts I enjoy. I also enjoy a beer now and then. If 18-24 servings sounds like too much, don’t worry, you’ll get used to it. Like Dan E. Murray said “too much is never enough, it’s always too much.”

Next is the Wine Group (fruits and vegetables) These items take up a big section in grocery stores, a section I often walk through without slowing down. The USDA recommends 4-6 servings a day. If you pour a small glass you can get 6 servings from one wine bottle.

At the next level you’ll find the Deep-Fried Cheese Stick Group (dairy and meat) Heavy government subsidies paid out to farmers as a result of years worth of lobbying by the Dairy Council, the Cattleman’s Beef Board and the National Pork Board among others. This well-funded lobbying makes the USDA suggest way too many servings of this shit. Eat hot wings when you feel like it. Eat pork sausage croissants if your body tells you to. But don’t believe the hype. Beef it’s what’s for dinner. Pork the other white meat. Who’s paying for these great ad campaigns? You are. Got Milk? Hell no I don’t got milk. There’s really no reason for the average American to consume 25 gallons of milk per year. This level brings me down.

Finally the pinnacle, the Hard Liquor Group. They suggest “use sparingly”. I suggest use your best judgment, lather rinse repeat, repeat as needed.    Tequila falls just outside this category and has its own rules.

11 Comments

Right on, amigo. I'm printing this out and putting it on my fridge.

I'm about to get me some of that bread.

Tequila, the only alcohol that's an upper instead of a downer. It's what's for dinner.

Wow that's pretty much my diet. Does that mean I'll live forever, or am I going to die young?

dinner at Kevin's house. TEQUILA. Bring your own deep fried cheese stuffed jalapeņos.

I'm drunk. I feel great. I was a downer before I started drinking, and I was sober all day. Unless you count smoking pot twice in the morning as getting fucked-up. But if I was down before I starting downing, how is booze a downer? I will never get it. I can't get to there from here, unless it involves a good guzzle.

Sorry, my wife just used up the Tequila a few minutes ago.

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day." Frank Sinatra.

i never even drank before I met pilder

I only had a glass of red wine on holidays and special occasions before I met you.

I still don't like beer. Only stoli-tinis!

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