got a pair of Adidas squishy squish slides the other other day. Yesterday I was wearing them to water the garden and I almost fell over while bending down to pick something up.
Then later I hopped on my bike to look around the hood for a Lime Bike for Junior Junior to tool around on. When I unlocked the Lime bike and straddled it, preparing to roll home in the missing-man formation, riding the Lime Bike rolling with my real bike in-hand… …I fell over. Just keeled right over, off the Lime bike onto my bike in a slow-motion yard-sale stack-up.
A neighbor rolled up in his truck a few moments later and asked if I needed a ride home. (I was two blocks from home) I said, no thanks I just fell over. I plan to text the neighbor today and ask him if he saw me keel over.
“Whoa. What the fuck? I’m not that drunk.” I thought. Then I asked google about my squishy shoes and my loss of balance.
“Ultra-soft, marshmallow slides provide immense comfort by absorbing shock and easing foot fatigue. However, this extreme plushness decreases ground sensory feedback and stability, which can lead to a loss of balance if you wear them on uneven terrain, wet surfaces, or during rigorous activities.” said the google
I thought about how long I’ve been riding bikes. About how many times I’ve rolled a second bike home from the shop. I began to consider how many times I straddle a giant electric ass bathtub everyday. Yank it off the kicksand, throw a leg over and roll away. Many many times. Day in. Day out. Sometimes it’s fully loaded with cargo and awkward packages. Heavy duty. What if I was wearing these fluffy sandals? What would that look like? As I’m laying on the ground in Red Square laughing and embarrassed next to my $12000 bathtub, up ended, its wheels spinning slowly? Then a group of students say “Are you OK?”
I’m now more verbally aware of ground sensory feedback than I ever was before. Although my lizard brain and my inner ear have been aware of it my whole life. I will not be wearing these marshmallows on uneven terrain or for any vigorous Lime Bike activities. They’re only for limited nights and weekends at home.
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