Staring off into space in a sleep deprived stupor sometimes reading the New Yorker until I can’t no more. Somewhere between here and there a woman got on the train with her pristine new e-bike and hoisted it on the hook next to my single speed. For about seven seconds I tried to compare and contrast the two and make a mental list of all the variables that could fall out of place to make them each dysfunctional. Then I gave up because I couldn’t keep track of them all.
I ride parsimonious single speeds and Occam’s Razor utility bikes. My tainted biased point of view comes from a consistently constant continuous cost-benefit analysis. I feel fine talking shit about e-bikes. I don’t own one, I just ride one all day, and it’s not just an e-bike, it’s a $15,000 electric ass bathtub that kicks ass. The e-assist is what makes my job possible.
I don’t have to pay for it, or work on it, or call customer service with any questions about it. I just ride it, Mr McFeely like for real, really. While a guy named Alistair builds up the fleet of e-cargo bikes and keeps them all running and repairs all the little shit. All the while I remain blissfully ignorant of the nitty gritty e-bike mechanics, electronics and hydraulics.
As I’m riding in and around the 98195 I’m watching all the chuffers out there on their e-bikes and scooters and skeets wizzing all around me cluelessly. They don’t ride like cyclists. They ride like e-bike ipso facto assholes.
I looked up this WING e-bike and you can too. That integrated light top tube thing made me Van Moof in my mouth. As those in the know know that’s not a good thing and they also know this shit was probably made in the same old Van Moof factory.
My recurring Scattante dreams are going Van Moof.
A mail order e-bike, some assembly required, for $1500… What could possibly go wrong? The feel-good honeymoon lasts about 48 hours or less before things go to shit. Bolts finger tight. Everything half-assed. Then you’re on hold with customer service in China while your local bike shop says “go fuck yourself. Don’t bring that shit in here” and you're sitting on a pile of e-bike shit. Heavy and slow and annoying.
I suggest spending more money on a bike from a shop that will stand behind their product and be able to service it when issues arise. Perhaps you could get a Wombi from Davey Oil.
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