got an S-works Prevail Vent blah blah helmet a couple years ago but I couldn’t bring myself to wear it out of the house until this week. High priced not for the material but for the lack of material, the negative space, the vents, the air, the nothingness. It’s vented like all get out. In order to achieve the ANSI-MIPS-SHIT-SHOW certification with less material, the material that is there has to be a country mile high. Stacked. Stupid Stacked Stupid. That’s why this helmet is like a big bulbous mushroom perched on top of my head like a sumo suit you can rent at the Puyallup Fair.
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For years and years I’ve worn the same Lazer helmet I got at BikeWorks when Steve Maluk was the shop director. Whatever fucking year that was. Obama was in the White House. That helmet reached its expiration date long ago but I kept wearing it as a gesture, a nod, an intention, an example, a habit, a comfort zone. One significant impact my ass. One day a roadie couple passed me and said, “your chin strap is undone” and I laughed thinking if you only knew.
In the rain-rain-winter months I wear a Bern helmet with all the vents taped shut. That helmet is also older than dirt and I’m currently researching my next winter helmet which will have no vents so I won’t have to tape them shut. A snowboarding helmet perhaps or a construction-rock climbing-arborist helmet taken out of context and put back in on an electric assist bathtub.
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