what was that? is that all there is? who is this? this is it.

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phantom ass-pocket-U-lock syndrome XXXVII

June 11, 2020

Erik Jahnz used to constantly quiz me rhetorically…


You know what hard work gets you? 

More hard work. 


When we worked together as hourly legal messengers, Erik’s years of experience as a commissioned messenger made him slow the fuck down because when you're hourly it all pays the same. I still need to be reminded of this in my current role as a post-apocalyptic-electric-assist mailman as there is no difference between being a total fucktard and working hard. There is no monetary payoff for internal motivation or innate efficiency.  


speaking of fucktards, once upon a time I was enjoying a tall can with Steve hiding in plain sight at 510 Pike when a cyclist rode by and flapjack yelled something at him. the cyclist quickly stopped and turned around and rolled right up to Steve and me and said “what did you say?”  and we said "it wasn't us, it was that guy” and we pointed to flapjack. 

I haven’t carried a U-lock for months now because there hasn’t been anyplace to stop on the way home and lock up my bike outside while I step in for a happy hour beer or three. But now in phase 1.377 there are a few places to fill up a pint glass and I might need the old ass-pocket-U-lock again.

Tom Bice used to always say kinda like Loverboy "everybody's workin for the weekend" Tom also used to say "don't start your weekend too early" 

Well here I am starting my Friday about 26 hours early headed into happy hour with no U-lock.  So I'll be borrowing a bike lock for a few hours. 


is it raining? 



Add Comment

pilder said...

borrowed an ABUS lock for happy hour. heavy as hell and overkill for a bike rack right outside the door. I like their marketing and promotional items and the locks are cool too but this one I used at $110 MSRP with all its helter skelter mumbo jumbo is not what the doctor ordered for day in day out here and now in and out.

Posted June 11, 2020 09:29 PM | Reply to this comment

like Dan Murray said...

too much is never enough, it's always too much. this lock is too much: https://mobil.abus.com/int/on-road/Highlights/BORDO/Folding-Locks/BORDO-GRANIT-XPlus-6500-85-black-SH?type=pdp

Posted June 16, 2020 05:29 AM | Reply to this comment

pilder said...

Mary Trump learned from Dan Murray: https://www.amazon.com/Too-Much-Never-Enough-Dangerous/dp/1982141468

Posted June 16, 2020 05:44 AM | Reply to this comment

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