what was that? is that all there is? who is this? this is it.

Hungry I was so when I walked into the cafe/diner/bar/bookstore, a burger looked good. The large menu near the kitchen featured only one item:

The Brash Burger

Beef Patty $20

Bun $7

Cheese $5

Pickles-lettuce-onion $5

Sauces $6

My eye caught the $20 price tag while my brain said new normal hamburger. The smaller print faded back but would get my attention later, after I got the $63 tab for a burger and a beer. 

In the kitchen was a familiar face but he was out of context. Wearing an apron and a paper soda jerk hat, both pristine clean white. Like a high school theater production of Al’s Diner, just this side of the uncanny valley as if applied to back-of-the-house restaurant staff. This guy was from the high-end bike world. Custom one-off titanium bike like. You might know him. You more than likely know of him. All that made me smile and wonder what he was doing in the kitchen and if this was his place. And what was this place? How did I get there? Where was I? Where am I? 

As I placed my order I noticed a line of fine...

And you may find yourself

on Okanogan Lane

going the wrong way

day after day after day

And you may ask yourself

“Well, how did I get here?”

And you may find yourself

a little blinky light

chirping in the middle 

of Okanogan Lane

And you may ask yourself

“How do I work this?”

And you may ask yourself

“Am I right, am I wrong?”

And you may say to yourself

“My god, what have I done?”

A USB rechargeable little 3-dollar blinky light lost & found between Chemical Engineering and Life Sciences one day going the wrong way on Okanogan Lane. The cute little plastic S-hook failed on the seatpost binder strap resulting in one man’s loss LOST. Which in turn led to another man’s find FOUND. 

I loosened the phillips screw, removed the rubber strap but retained the flat washer. 

It’s now a lowercase g backpack blinky light 

high brightness

medium brightness

breathing flash

comet flash

hybrid flash

energy saving flash

Of its 6 modes, comet flash is my favorite. However, experts disagree on which mode is best for the zombie lizard brains of distracted drivers. 

And you may find...

2.54cm per chuck

give ‘em an inch 

they’ll take a shit

I’m a palindrome fan: street addresses, zip codes, QR codes, calendar dates, digital clocks, coffee shop customer numbers, bar tabs, random numbers, symbols, words, phrases even complete sentences that read the same forward and backward. Bilateral symmetry, one way or another, speaks to me. 

I poached this Jon Agee cartoon from one of his books.

Aibohphobia is the fear of palindromes and of course the word itself is a palindrome. Somebody just made that shit up and I say   top spot.  

borrow or rob?

was it a car or a cat I saw?

no, it is open on one position

never odd or even

pull up if I pull up

don’t nod

peep

wow 

top spot

Complicit inertia

complacent inertia

resting object

staying at rest

faster than 

a speeding Bullitt

static flow

idiot savant

definite maybe

protected bike lane

right of way

rite of passage

run the gauntlet

take the alley

off the Ave

at NE 42nd St 

run the gamut

variety show

static flow

shitshow

shit

call it 

what you will

you

can 

lead

a horse

to water

but

you 

can’t 

make

him

think

SOMEONE ELSE

by Rae Armantrout

The glum mail carrier

arrives after dark. 

—

You open your mouth:

“We” is a pity-party.

“I” is a Satanic cult.

Or it’s the other way around.

—

“Let’s pretend someone else

is blowing the bubbles!”

Painting the baubles.

Someone else

points and runs.

###

You must have me confused with someone else

You must have me confused with someone who gives a shit

You must have me confused with some other 55 year old bald white neuro divergent electric ass bathtub glum mail carrier

Armantrout has gotten my attention a few times in the past few years with her poems in the New Yorker. So few words. So much going on. 

But the other other day I got my hands on her 21st book of poetry:

GO FIGURE

it’s a keeper 

“Crystalline poems refract the meaning and irony of human existence; a clarifying, cagey reckoning with experience that may never add up.” –provided by publisher

spot on 

Rae Armantrout and Joy Williams walk into a bar

The bartender says    nothing: (speechless) 

What if…...

The only thing Campy at my house is a front hub in a wheel in a gate that I slapped together ten years ago to keep Junior Junior from crawling and falling off the stairs on the deck.  Here and now it’s still hanging on by a zip tie or two and keeping the dogs contained, more or less.  

Recently I uncovered one more Campy item in my basement. The 1997 Campagnolo Spare Parts Catalogue. It’s full of simple elegant exploded view diagrams of various Campy components. 

In the past week I have dismantled the catalog and I’m in the process of creating a series of postcards. I enjoy silkscreening and mishmashing stickers and images and recycled cardboard with glue sticks and paint. 

But what really brings me joy is the fact that I know that you know that I know Campy chainrings have a 135mm bolt circle diameter. And the chainring I’m slapping over the top of those beautiful Campy crank diagrams is a Shimano big ring with a 130 bcd.  Little things like that bring me joy. 

The exploded view of a Campy Record headset is great on its own and doesn’t...

“There’s more than one way to get to Safeway”

a wise woman once said

getting to Safeway is easy, bombing downhill all the way. But getting home is a slow grind up the hills with a couple cheese pizzas, bananas and some grapefruit seltzer water in the Burley. 

This little Burley came from Bike Works for only $10.00 a few months ago because Junior wanted it for a Halloween costume idea. She pushed her friend around the block a few times then forgot about it and it’s been gathering dust since mid October.  Until yesterday when I hitched up a new grocery getter. 

It was mostly enjoyable but I ran out of gears on the 1 x 7. Next time I might try the other 1 x 7. If I go with a single-speed there will be some walking back up a couple of the hills on the way home. 

It’s been a long long time since I pulled a trailer. Since Junior and Junior Junior both fit in a double-wide Burley and I could actually take them to the park or the pool. We also had a CETMA cargo bike so the Burley was...

The other day Bret in ABQ told me about the Bicycle Film Festival (virtual) and then he bought me a ticket too. So now I’m watching it all in the comfort of my basement. 

Over the years I bought tickets a couple times and attended variations of the bike film festival when it rolled through Seattle theaters. 

But now I can watch all these films, fast forward, rewind and replay for days. 

Thank you Bret

Bicycle Film Festival