nude descending staircase
June 30, 2009
open to outcome but
obviously attached to outcome
Dharma took a dump
what now what else
no doodie bags to
pick it up
make it up as you go
get over it
grow into it
grow out of it
sit with it
yes no maybe
balance give and take
counter-weight compensate
bend it back
the other way
not better
just different
black tea beans toast
non-dairy creamer down yonder
back porches front stoops
annoying Mini Coopers
queer PT Cruisers
clowns to the left of me
rookies to the right
here I am on E-file eve
with you
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snacks
June 28, 2009
bratwurst burgers buns
baseballs blackberry bushes
bikes beers bottle rockets
smoke filled the air
you had to be there
individually wrapped slices
american cheese product
family sized ketchup bottles
industrial mustard yellow too
MD 20/20 bright blue
chips chips cherries
paper plates french braids
double stuff Oreos dipped in beer
overcooked keg of Prometheus
good to the last drop
Cool Guy Park
back on top
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today is my Friday
June 26, 2009
Synchronized cycles. Across three zip codes. Two zone round trip ‘teener. Finely tuned traffic signals. Signaling. Visualize a long summer road trip in a van with five normal guys and one who enjoys BBQ flavored Corn Nuts. Across three time zones. There’s a very fine line. Between Washington and Idaho. Keep it together. Unleash the fury. Microwave burritos. Vegetable protein added for texture. The need. The reason. The search for common ground. Connections. Michael Bolton vs. Kenny G. Copper Cross cyclocross. Chihuahua Doberman collabo. It’s like so two years ago. A real thigh slapper. Tambourine whacker. Pressure washer. You know what I mean. Question mark.
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pretty sneaky sis
June 24, 2009
that one thing that leads to the other thing
it’s not starting early if you never stop
circular cyclical cycle
continuous continuum carousel
reaching for the golden ring
you have to believe we are magic
businesses doing well thriving
lines out the door at the liquor store
anything goes if the lead singer is attractive
location location location
sign here where do I sign?
here… diagonally
the hard way the old fashioned way
uphill both ways
take the long way home
daddy owns the company
it’s not good enough it’s too good
too much is never enough it’s always too much
full on Kevin’s mom and sister
summer associate season
fresh meat for the members
in and for the county of King
residing in Seattle et al et ano et tu too
play it off the wall play dumb
play it by ear play it again
do that to me one more time
time flies small fries
wake up call reminder equalizer
humble pie ala mode choad checker
a moment of reflection correction
superficial attraction an additional subtraction
keeping score for real really this time
deep into the third chucker
sticky wicket Wednesday
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free for all
June 24, 2009
One foot. Two feet. Red foot. Blue feet. Satisfaction guaranteed. Double-butted. Oversized. Ovalized. Friendly. Condensed tomato paste. Add MSG to taste. Wholesome and delicious. All you can eat. By the pound. By the book. Buy the book. It lasts longer. Take a picture. Take a furlough day. It’s coming up hairballs everywhere. No shirt No shoes No shit. Sheet metal screws. Upholstery tacks. Goof-off. Industrial strength. Acetone. Set the tone. Giving the dog a bone. There you go. Prosciutto. Holy Swiss cheese. You got it. Wholly. All the way. Way. Provide three forms of photo ID. Empty your pockets. Price check on aisle four. For Guinea pig bedding at $3.29. She’s a friend of mine. How do you walk around with those things? Apply additional shipping and handling fees. Please. Pleased to meet you.
Please return to your designated cubicle
Carry on
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Jimmy's BBQ Pit
June 23, 2009
try to work a bit of your daily life into RAGBRAI
on your left
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if you park your refigerated truck in my office
June 22, 2009
multi-tasking half-assing
three things at once
the same mistake made
again then again three times
subdivided attention
beautiful Zen-like complete
absence of comprehension
zero information retention
what?
bikelane to the danger zone
setting you up to get doored
no really that really is horseshit
the shortest line takes the longest
express lane with the slowest checker
takes forever and ever
15 items or less more or less
traffic mitigation devices
road furniture popping out
invoking worn out Helen Keller jokes
evoking nursery rhymes sometimes
who?
low rent ambulance chaser
hair club for men charter member
double breasted yellowing tweed blazer
wide lapels neither here nor there polyester
action slacks riding high past their prime
tasseled loafers pronating heels worn unevenly low
low overhead taken to lower lows
attorney-client privilege extended
to the third floor courthouse men’s room
confidential conversation handicap stall
speak up flush twice excuse me
counselor are those your originals
getting soaked near the urinals
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pay for parking
June 21, 2009
Take what you need
Don’t sell yourself short
With strict interpretations
reading from the gospel
according to John Forester
Vehicular cyclists
Setting their alarm clocks
Leaving early so so early
Anticipating traffic conditions
Where they’ll sit stay obey
To get in line
To wait their turn
The turn they earned and then
Still get no respect
From motorists and cyclists too
Would you
What the hell are they doing
In the left turn lane waiting
Through three light cycles
Putting themselves in danger
Pissing off everyone along the way
Take the lane take the gap
Take the turn take it easy
It’s not hard
Get used to it
Get over it
Get on with it
4 Comments | Add Comment
take a bigger big big bite
June 20, 2009
recurring nagging injuries
often aggravated by overuse
riding bicycles or barstools
recycling the residuals
building on a strong foundation
playing off a solid baseline
starting over
taking a healthy lead this time
scribbling outside the lines
humidity acidity stupidity
is that a tattoo? can I see?
serendipity consistently
where’s the Cheesecake Factory?
viscosity curiosity fecundity
living in the city
are you kidding me
the way it should be
they want you to believe
convert to digital ASAP
eating whatever they’re feeding
things go better when
walk the line
all in your mind
all up in my face
once twice three times you’re crazy
cleaner than soap fresh as a daisy
downwind of an overcooked dumpster
between the lines
four out of five dentists surveyed
recommend sugarless gum
for their patients who
drink beer
all the better to eat you with
red riding hood fits just right
goldie locks jack in the box
shrink to fit tourniquet
wine bottle role model
half full half empty see
what happens when
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smell it from here
June 19, 2009
I plan to screen a few random shirts for RAGBRAI (which is I know an officially licensed term belonging to the DesMoines Register) to trade at a pilderwasser collective relative discount. There are no profits here, therefore there is no reason to cease or desist. All “proceeds” will be redirected immediately into the Iowa economy in the form of beer money. Moving in the general direction of west to east but not necessarily on the most direct route. Squeezing 500 miles out of a 300 mile state. Taking only photographs, leaving only empty cans. 
4 Comments | Add Comment
expedited horseshit is still horseshit
June 19, 2009
We gotta bring our A game and really step it up on D
If we take things one day a time you know like I said
They’re a great team we can’t look past them
They like to run but if we control the tempo and
Execute on special teams we can play with anyone
Don’t count us out just yet
certified exemplified unsatisfied
we made five attempts
we tried
shit happens and then you
call a messenger to clean it up
6 Comments | Add Comment
this space intentionally left blank
June 18, 2009
Todd McMeen photo
Craig Etheridge photo
Seattle meets the other white meat
Global Gutz 6/20/09 all over the world... 1pm in Seattle
8 Comments | Add Comment
her story is history
June 17, 2009
1001 was the SeaFirst Tower
999 was the First Interstate Tower
1201 was the Washington Mutual Tower
3 Comments | Add Comment
surfing sidewalk
June 15, 2009
no causation no compensation
just a truckload of correlation
seriously sidewalk surfing
comes naturally
when you get to be my age
saliva-soaked perforated page
dog-eared by the cat
Polaroid popsicles
taste fine to a feline
hiccups hands down
your pants down around
your ankles swollen sore red cankles
spoons full of sugar
help the insulin go down
heart palpitations chest pains
who doesn’t like presents but
what we have here is too much future
not enough presence
the doctor said try
to work a little RAGBRAI
into your daily life
I said cool
did you learn that in med school
I have no desire to see your excrement
please please read the fine print
that thing and that thing
could get together and hook up
producing viable offspring
same species amazing
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in vino veritas
June 15, 2009
an alcoholic is someone you don’t like who drinks as much as you do
-Dylan Thomas
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just riding along
June 14, 2009
squeaky
jockey pulley
freewheel coast
to coast of course toast
falls to the floor
jelly side first
situation sticky
two-sided tape
auto reverse
one more time
around back where we started
satisfaction completion rotation
position orientation location
what’s your 20?
doesn’t matter
do it again
round trip
bring it back
come to base
same old same old
resources available
looking better than ever
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me me me
June 13, 2009
40
June 12, 2009
For-ty /fáwrtee/ noun
things are gonna change I can feel it
Maintaining a professional appearance with consistent locknut lip clearance. Sweet & sour pork triple clamp fork front suspension of disbelief. Loose balls, bearing jars of pickled herring. Brass nipples shits and-or giggles. Crank arm extractor. Ask Vogel about the chicken tractor. Nine dollar Madrona cupcakes. Poorly adjusted cantilever brakes. Headset press. Barefoot summer dress.
Cycling computer. Psycho commuter. Hose-clamped milk crate douche bags expecting respect from bungee-corded pickle bucket Dexter Avenue warriors. Fluorescent yellow jackets lineup. That light was red suck up. Heads up. On your left all around. Fixed gear conversion virgins whack track standing. Vehicular cyclist charade. Early-June chuffer parade.
Thin ice. Poor advice. T-shirt tan. Window fan. Be kind please rewind. Your credit card has been declined. Forget full retailing smooth sailing. Forty hour work week too much tongue in cheek.
It will all make sense behind a white picket fence.
23 Comments | Add Comment
Japanese Maple
June 10, 2009
insurmountable obstacles
warm drippy fudgesicles
walk toward the light
except at 801 2nd
getting on an elevator
might lose you
it’s a slippery slope
can’t set a beer down up top
use the bottle cage
roadmasters feel fine
expansion joints shrink to fit
soliloquistic journeys cheese
premeditated responses
less than half a conversation
5 Comments | Add Comment
In the weeds
June 10, 2009
take it to the next level
take the stairs
leave it in the mailroom
leave it alone
50% off one day only
x-ray proof lead suits
keep the bad stuff out
and the good stuff too
for the Morton Salt girl
or the Gorton’s fisherman
rubber rain jackets
make sense
trust me
wear a tin foil hat
so they can’t read your mind
pesky dispatchers chirping in
punctuating spans of attention
respond with your location
relax rewind reload refresh
whiter teeth fresh breath
ask me
about my learned helplessness
a body at rest remains at rest
inertia like stasis
tastes like chicken
feels like been here before
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riding round town with the flap tucked in
June 9, 2009
for more information see http://\\www.DANKbags.com
any further questions...who you gonna call?
I'm just the messenger, don't blame me
3 Comments | Add Comment
f-hole
June 8, 2009
routine run-of-the-mill
strictly standard stock
production pedestrian
over the counter available
Chihulyville garden weasel
kybo scented air freshener
automatic pez dispenser
waterless urinal retrofit
aerosolized poop droplet
slingshot electron orbit
cheap perfume ashtray station
bike rack smoker gravitation
procedure protocol parameter
tolerance limit error
no place else to go
rosin more rosin on the bow
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expectations
June 8, 2009
be more like cousin Milicent
get out of the house get a job
getting older slowing down
partly age rosemary and time
one small pack of gum
one giant 30-pack of beer
all the digits were there
dyslexically bedazzled out of order
going down in history
with the wrong number
genuflected in the mirror
off the glass and into the net
bar stool philosophizers
bar end shape shifters
third trimester beer gut t-shirt
tucked into Motorola bib shorts
I am not talking typical Cap Hill hipster rude
I am talking want to deck a bitch rude ***
4 Comments | Add Comment
where did last years lessons go?
June 6, 2009
cycling on the margin of utility
June 6, 2009
constant
cost
benefit
analysis
i guess
all bets
are off
right
on
target
measuring
margins
shrinking
i’m thinking
you'll never do that again
until next time
3 Comments | Add Comment
twist
June 5, 2009
catch & release
thrill of the chase
the jig is up as high as a kite
as free as Lynyrd Skynyrd
as the crow flies as seen on TV
as you were carry on
overheard overhead
under the seat in front of you
right there left here
lost and found and lost
again every single day
go out and play now
a major motion picture
act maintain keep it up
façade consistently constant
so full of shit it’s
believable
3 Comments | Add Comment
me & Helga down by the schoolyard
June 4, 2009
Gary Turner Track Bike SOLD!
Helga will be at the SAM all summer. She knows whats up
3 Comments | Add Comment
rumbles
June 4, 2009
in the shade across the street from the beer store...
you can still hear the music from the beer garden
apply liberally and evenly as often as necessary
bring plenty of alcohol-free baby wipes and
keep your tires inflated to the recommended PSI
looking forward to RAGBRAI
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something even more substantial
June 3, 2009
cauliflower
June 2, 2009
precious cargo bulk no extra charge next day same day tuesday long day that’s no problem we’ll be right there right away right right it all pays the same pancake breakfast twice a day ex parte flat rate scoop poop clean-out regular run runs poopy doodie process service pays the bills e-file the hard copy icky yucky copy to the judge right away right of way my tummy hurts
don’t get your andiamos in a bunch
It’s Court Reporter humor
Get it?
Neither do I but
It’s worse when you lie about it
That’s bike messenger humor
Get it?
3 Comments | Add Comment
With It or On It
June 2, 2009
Chris Murray photo
wouldn’t want your job
what day is this
thought I had $10.00
but it was five folded over
life is a bowl of cherries
watch out for the shits
2 Comments | Add Comment
turn it up
June 1, 2009
feeling gun shy
go to the shooting range
with such high expectations
a simple cinderblock structure
out on the edge of town
and into the fire
another pitcher bartender
turn up the music
drown out the noise
noise gets louder
escalation
mutually assured destruction
in a race against time
strawberries start bleeding
bananas go bad
celery feels flaccid
out of the frying pan
and back into town
with such high expectations
on a month-to-month lease
between the lines
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