pilderwasser

I thought I was losing it

but I never even had it

Progress with a side of gentri fries

looking back moving forward

How do I know you’re a messenger?

I guess you don’t

but why would I walk into your cheesy little CPA office in this Martin Selig building on a Wednesday morning dripping wet with a Nextel blaring on my chest wearing these thrift store clothes smelling like a wet dog wrapped in a chunk of beer soaked bong water cat piss carpet looking for an envelope for Mr. Richard Smoker less than 7 minutes after you called Mr. Smoker to let him know his tax documents were ready for pickup?

Cheap Wine & Poetry  

Hugo House

3/26/9   7pm

Victor VanEpps photo

Sally completed her dissertation and will defend her thesis on goats in Greek Mythology, earning her PhD. She will begin her new job at Café Ladro in April.

Derrick completed his GED class, earning a high school equivalency and will receive a pay increase. He has been the Vice President of North American Operations at Nintendo since 2002.  

I’m not really into video games
Goats are cool, I guess
Whatever

What really matters?
Which is more important?
Will it all make sense in the end?

Sometimes I sit and think
Sometimes I piss in the sink

A chain is only as strong as
the temp worker at the front desk

weak

Shredding cross town traffic. Deploying ultimate elevator mojo. Working the US Marshalls with familiarity. Pulling strings. Doing things. Getting it done on time. Roundtrip. RUSH.    

24 hours later       it's
a classic example of a
blamethemessenger

Billy at reception misplaced the documents on the tail end of the roundtrip and now I’m getting blamed for it
I tore it up. Worked it.
USDC monetary
like a pro, an employee

Got the stamp the receipt the case number
Got the stamp the roundtrip the suite number

gave it to Billy

then Billy

Billy fucked it up

Erik Jahnz photo

Recently the Bridgestone has been whining and complaining and getting tired of riding to work. Creaking, clunking and knocking. Old and tired. The original owner rode it in one STP and put it in his garage for years before he put it up for sale in the Bicycle Paper. It featured almost all OEM parts when I adopted it. I rode it across Iowa in 2005 and rode the shit out of it downtown for a few years, mostly between King County and Pier 70. It’s been through various permutations in that time but now it’s going back to a moustache handlebar big fat gumwall tires on bombproof 36-hole Mavic G 40 rims with MKS GR-9 platform pedals and Sturmey-Archer toe straps --- über retro grouch hard anodized weekend warrior fair weather slow ride. Hold the Brooks saddle, I'll go with the original Avocet. The RB-2 has been pushed back, back in the lineup by a new addition. This lugged lilac Bianchi.  New to me. Adopted on Wednesday from Sebastian’s stable of surplus It’s from the same era as the RB-2 but has very few miles on it. I enjoy the feel of relatively new steel. Especially when compared to overcooked noodley tired bike frames. Yes. It’s ready to go to work.  The latest in a line of steel full fender flat bar road bikes. You might think it looks just like all my other bikes, because it does. Form follows function. Riding slowly on the sidewalks all day.  A tired old legal messenger’s bike. Similar to the Soma and the Surly and the IRO Not better than the Bridgestone but better than the Bertin As pretty and heavy as the Univega Made of pretty heavy quality Columbus tubing from Italy.

that's not the bike whining and complaining, that's me.

red breasted robins singing spring

full kitted roadies snot rocketing

El Gato

word

Jason’s trailer was stolen from 4th & Seneca

It has very unique hand-built wheels.

Look for it.

Craig Etheridge photo

Thanks to Tom for this video  Beware the Ides of March

In this case the wagon is like an arbitrary deadline with no logic or reasoning to support it. No parole officer. No medical reasons. No random drug testing program. No parenting agreement. It’s losing momentum and has a slow leak in the motivation sector. And because I said so only goes so far. It’s played out and has run its course. The goal for all intents and purposes has been reached.  The wagon is gently rolling to a stop and I plan to get off.  Just like I got on. Because it was there. Because it had never been done. Because I said so.

Aside from the obvious things like blood alcohol level and intoxication, diet, appetite, a liver like Jerry Garcia, caloric intake, monetary output, hydration and diuretics… I also paid attention to boredom, routine, routes, habits, reflexes, energy levels, sleep patterns, attitude, anger management and poopy pants.  Biological, physical, physiological, psychological, sociological, logical, intellectual, sexual and financial data were also collected, recorded and archived for use at later date.

word

One paycheck away
Out on the street
Out of luck
Out of time
Out of town
Out of tune
Out of it
Out of your mind

Pilderwasser’s declaration in support of proposed order requiring all Metro and Sound Transit bus drivers to trade places with bike messengers downtown for one day, one Freaky Friday. Because I would love to drive an articulated bus up and down 3rd Avenue for one day with a smile on my face pinning those poor suckers to the curb on their janky bikes.  Get off the street get on the sidewalk. Get off the sidewalk get in the street. You like me now? How?

50 - 11 = 39

“What?”  she petitioned

“pilderwasser”   I persisted

“What the hell does that have to do with bicycles?”

“Nothing
or everything
just like anything
it’s a quality of life issue”

I picked up a pitchfork and posed for a picture with the pigs. Then I presented the piano player with a pilderwasser plaque and a pack of precious pickles. Paula pretended to pet the poodle and puked in the pews while Peter pilfered another piece of pecan pie. Then we procured the Puch, the Peugeot and the Pinarello and proceeded to pedal past the pissed off pasty pastor with poor posture who was preaching at the pulpit. 

That 3 gallon jug of water
makes your bag really heavy

You’re really thirsty
What are going to do now?

It costs 3 cents to make a penny
What’s the point?

Your headache medicine
Gives you stomach cramps

Your stomach medicine
Gives you diarrhea

Your diarrhea medicine
Gives you headaches
 
Think about it

actuaries count on       you not knowing
insurance companies thrive on paranoia
pharmaceutical companies won’t tell you
attorneys profit because you don't know

doctors are getting kickbacks all around

Your 5th grade teacher told you
and you didn’t believe her

My liver walks into a bar
The bartender says
is this some kind of a joke

Full suspension mountain bike
one inch tires   clip-on fenders

You like movies about gladiators?

More bread and plenty of circus
Distraction posing satisfaction
Wait in line for it
pay taxes on it
swallow it whole

suck it up
Dumb it down
Tune in digitally     HDTV

Pay attention
Attention to details
Every little thing that doesn’t really matter
Ignoring what’s important

What is important

Parallel 74’s powder coated
Providing plenty of parking
Predictable pesto pizza pies

The drummer has two first names
tired uninspired
Having trouble keeping up
keeping time falling behind

Clipping a pedal on the corner
of the big picture
Looking only as far as
the next red light
slam on the brakes
stomp on the gas

slam on the brakes

 Dragon 2 Carbon SRS

Don’t worry about the price. Worry about what people will think of you. Imagine how these shoes will look with your outfit, your gloves,  your eye protection, your helmet and your bike.  

I know these shoes will look great with my thrift store pants, my army surplus sweater, my road-score gloves, my 6 year old jacket and my beer-soaked DANK bag. I know these shoes will inspire chuffers to pass me on Dexter.  I know these shoes will make me a better messenger, a better citizen, a better person.

These shoes will revive the local economy.

These shoes will get this country back on its feet.

Shoes

 animals from the enclosure often sit in the sun at feeding time