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myna bird 98101

January 28, 2010

Busses : pigeons
picking up scraps they congregate on 3rd Avenue

Taxis : seagulls
unpredictable and hungry

Messengers : crows
intelligent crafty and willing to play dirty

Armored cars : road kill
big & dumb   anywhere anytime

Peds : lemmings
stupid is    stupid does

Cops : raccoons with rabies
they bite

Tourists : barnacles
proliferate in favorable conditions
will become a problem left unattended

Receptionists : lawn ornaments
often attractive, however it may be difficult
to determine their actual purpose  

Attorneys : rats
will survive a nuclear war
adapt  feed  profit

Dispatchers : myna birds
they know not what they say
they only repeat what they heard

Security guards : zoo animals
caged confined confused

Court clerks : circus animals
well trained
you know the routine so just play along

Fixie hipster kids : peacocks
all show no substance
can actually be annoying and dangerous
 
Commuters : zebra mussels
non-native invasive species
clogging up the works
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5 Comments

. said...

what do you think about alternative pronouns and two letter conjunctions introducing conditional clauses?

Posted January 29, 2010 03:04 PM | Reply to this comment
pilder replied to ....

you mean like "she'll be coming 'round the mountain when she comes?" I'm a big fan of the appropriate use of umlauts. I'm a big fan of Hüsker Dü too. And gender specific inanimate objects make me smile and expectorate hard German consonants.

Posted January 30, 2010 06:50 AM | Reply to this comment
piglatin replied to ....

Ooday ooyaeh eeanmay isthay? Seriously though,as a long time reader/occasional commenter I think this is my favorite piece of pilders. Keep up the good work matt.

Posted January 31, 2010 03:30 AM | Reply to this comment
Code name Stevil said...

Woah. Yeah, totally. Ditto. Really well done. However, unlike lawn ornaments, occasionally receptionists will give you drugs. Unless you have really bitchen lawn ornaments in your life.

Posted January 31, 2010 01:27 PM | Reply to this comment
B123 said...

fortunatly you can just take a shot gun and blow a fucking peacock's head off. Have they passed that law for hipsters yet???

Posted January 31, 2010 02:04 PM | Reply to this comment

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