what was that? is that all there is? who is this? this is it.

pilderwasser unlimited T-shirts  pilder what? kickstand P know knew spew snap shots autoBIKEography RAGBRAI  slide shows phot-o-rama stationary-a-gogo 1/2 x 3/32 links

eleven years

October 31, 2022

 

Eleven years later

Eleven years older

 

Eleven years ago

Eleven years where’d they go

 

Eleven years today

Eleven years no way

 

Eleven years in between  

Eleven years halloween 

 

Eleven years 

 


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like a fish needs a bicycle

October 29, 2022

 

Ailing Services

 

“nobody has one of these”

plausible deniability

a photoshop fake

for real    really

ask those guys 

down at DANK bags

no recollection 

of the events in question

without sufficient information

can neither confirm 

nor deny 

any allegations

to sleep   perchance to dream

ay     there’s the fucking rub

is it raining

fresh hop hazy IPA

  tall cans need a jacket

like a fish needs a bicycle

perhaps the greatest coozie

ever   made   ever

take care of those magic beans

and mind your P’s & Q’s

 

 

 


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between theory & practice

October 27, 2022

Narrow-minded.

They’ll take Thursday

over infinity any day. 

 

Primitive. 

 

They’re happiest in the cracks

between theory and practice, 

cause and effect. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

warning

 

today is my Thursday

those words jumped

off the page

on the train

into my brain

at 6:06 am

 


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RCW 07.420.33

October 26, 2022

No legal advice

I never did pass the bar

I walked right in



This haiku arrived in my mailbox on the back of a postcard with a homegrown arts & crafts - cut & paste - tape & scissors style that appeals to me with its resourcefulness. I like it. So much so I’m regurgitating it for you to digest.

It smells like Wa Legal based on the subject matter as well as the zip code in the Pitney Bowes postage. It also seems to fit into a recent postcard spell. 

 

Sometimes it makes me wonder when a postcard takes 5 days to travel from Belltown to Rainier Beach why consumers today feel entitled to expect all their clicky-clickies to show up in 18 hours or less. 

 

I can’t give you legal advice 

I’m not your Bucky             but 

I got your final 50 fucking feet  

 


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arms warmer arm warmers

October 25, 2022

 

Just ten days ago it was 85 degrees and smoky in Seattle…  …then the fever broke and now it’s 45 and raining like it should be around Halloween. Weeding through winter clothing that I haven’t touched for a long long time, I started a collection of shit to get rid of when I came upon three pairs of arm warmers: Counterbalance Bicycles from Mo Fo, Ti Cycles from Cat and Davidson from Lori. I chucked them in a big trash bag with all the stuff I’ll never wear again or stuff I never wore at all. 

 

But when I rode past Counterbalance on Monday I thought maybe I should donate those arm warmers to the shop museum instead of a musty thrift store in Tukwila.   

 

The next day I strolled into the shop with an envelope under one arm and said hello to Mr. Peter Clark the sole proprietor. I chuckled and said “don’t worry, it’s not legal documents” and handed it to him. He opened it, smiled and said “I’ve got something for you too” and he reached into his time machine and pulled out a pristine CMWC Seattle Byron T-shirt and gave it to me as if I was standing in 2 West Roy Street on Labor Day weekend 2003. 

 

 


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westward ho

October 25, 2022

 

 

 

same shit ± 13 years

 

 

 


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crow consults campus map

October 21, 2022

 

Crow consults the campus map shortly before she shits on it.

Keeping things in perspective, on the map drawn to scale, imagine sitting at your desk on the third floor of Roosevelt Commons West --a cheesy building near 43rd & Roosevelt-- daydreaming as you stare out the window, when suddenly a 500 foot bird turd plops down across the street. 

 

I’d like to interpret it as commentary on the Roosevelt bike lane north of the U bridge. It’s a death trap and always has been. The so-called improvements done over the past 20 years have only made it worse. There is no such thing as a protected bike lane. It’s horseshit and sets up novice cyclists for multiple conflicts with drivers entering and exiting the Medical clinics and creates confusion with pedestrians. It’s actually safer to take the left lane and piss off drivers. 

 

Anthropomorphizing everything is what we humans do. It does appear the crow is looking at the map. But I think what she was really looking for was food. She proceeded to peck at the handlebar, the grips, chomp on the cable housing and she sat on the saddle. She spent a lot of time tugging on the corners of the campus map sticker that’s beginning to peel up in spots. She tried everything she could think of to get a rise out of me, or a snack. Then she took a shit. 

 

She knows me and knows I usually have something to eat in that cargo box but this time, I had nothing to offer. When I stood up to ride back to base she did a fly by and smacked the back of my head with her wing, saying "see ya bathtub boy, and bring some fucking food next time"  

 


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slather it on

October 20, 2022

If you don’t know what you’re talking about

 

A. talk louder

B. crack a joke

C. make something up

D. shut the fuck up 

 

The correct answer is D 

 

Not that D bro, this D. Proximity leads to assumptions. My sandwich was dry, so I slathered it in hand sanitizer. In Situ Resource Utilization -ISRU- making an ass out of you and me.  

 

The narrative relies on you and your brain’s ability to invent connections, quickly sussing out correlations and settling on whatever causation fits, whatever kids are saying these days, whatever you heard in the breakroom, whatever sounds good on a sticker, whatever your brain can handle in 0.33 seconds of your attention span before it flits on to something else. 

 

Two weeks ago I got this book at the library. I read the blurb on the back cover and then set it down on the couch and did something else. The library emailed me to say the book is overdue. I couldn’t focus on it within my two week time limit. 




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black & white & read allover

October 19, 2022

 

maybe kinda sorta all over: Portland, Bellingham, Seattle, Milwaukee, Aberdeen, Albuquerque, Yucca Valley…

 

...black & white & read flipped over hand delivered via USPS

 


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kind of blue

October 18, 2022

 

 

 

 

 

 

Blue as in bivalent booster blue. Try to schedule your fall booster shot on a Monday and throw a wrench in your week as you may experience mild side effects like walking on the surface of Jupiter, everything is hotter, heavier and harder than it needs to be with 2.5 times the gravitational pull of earth it feels as if you weigh 425 pounds and you’re pushing around a 500 pound cargo bike that even with electric assist, feels like a beast. Swimming in a kiddie pool of lactic acid. The base of your brain meets the top of your spinal cord and that intersection is wrapped two times too tight in gauze soaked in vinegar and pine sol, secured with zip ties and old rusty vice grips. Delusional fever dreams foreshadow your next 12 hours.  Complete reliance on autopilot. Slow motion. Robot route rote routine. 

 

Ask me about MRNA, bivalent boosters and which shoulder to get your 4th shot in. 

 

Don’t ask me about Big Pharma and their monumental profits. Let’s not talk about the CDC, Tiffany Smiley or Northern Idaho. 


 

 

 


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Je$u$ built my hotrod

October 18, 2022

let's roll

October 17, 2022

Can’t say I knew much of anything about Bob Roll until he was the third wheel to Phil & Paul’s OLN broadcasts of the Tour back when I’d get up early and watch most of the stages before work, back when whatshisname was winning, juiced up beyond belief. 

I bought Bobke II when it came out because I liked what I heard from Roll. (Bobke is Flemish for Bobby) After kinda sorta skimming through it, I put it on a shelf for about 18 years until I chucked it in the free library with all the other books I used to think I needed to hang on to. 

When Junior took this shot last week, I took a closer look and noticed Bobke was still standing there, months later, untouched by friends or neighbors. So I pulled it off the shelf and gave it another chance.

Now I’m reading it again with a new older perspective. 

 


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Maroon 5

October 15, 2022

 

Just another worn out Times Square Virgin SuperStore yellow cabs on black & white photo blown out and blown up to 4’ x 3’ then stretched and  tacked onto a wood frame: Ikea-like “artwork” you might see in your chiropractor’s office, scored at a thrift store a few years back. Not because I’m into New York City but because I’m into thrift stores and yard sales and free piles and silk screening onto things taken out of context and put back in. a work in-progress evolving slowly. or not. 

 

I'm not your Bucky

 


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this is it

October 13, 2022

 

Rolling Mr McFeely like, slowly along the carpe diem - groundhog day continuum with ever so slight subtle variations on the SSDD theme, humming lyrics from that Soundgarden song while delivering another stack of Uline catalogs.  From a bird's eye view, today seems a lot like yesterday and looks to be a lot like tomorrow. If I had Strava heat maps, they’d look alot alike, retracing paths at the groundhog end of the spectrum, day after day. 

 

Here Szymborska reminds us that “today is always gone tomorrow” and nothing truly happens twice. There is no Bucky’s tag team training day. 

 

what was that?

is that all there is?

who is this?

this is it.  

 

 

 

Free Beer Tomorrow

 


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sweet adeline

October 12, 2022

Quill stem - sweater weather - bivalent booster - fridge magnet - spit shine - elbow grease - constant cost - benefit analysis - short bus - toss up - fifty fifty - same difference - same shit - different day - obsessive compulsive - attention deficit - sales rep - nose hair - nose bleed - cheap seats - cracker jack - toe overlap - ready made - spoke prep - name tag - standup double - sitdown restaurant - screw loose - brick short - full bubble - off plumb - you talking - to me - sad sack - back pack - little snack - early bird - dinner buffet - stress test - knows best - capitol hill - studio apartment - bowl cut - cage match - genetic mutation - emotional support - puppy dog - hand held - spoon fed - back slap - bro brah - mom pop - glycogen store - hot chicken - cold beer - tall can - electric assist - bike mechanic - burke gilman - slowest common - denominator bro - square taper - chain suck - asbestos abatement - noxious weed - control board - gas powered - leaf blower - cremated remains - notary public - fax machine - combination lock - missing link - sagittal crest - learned helplessness  - addictive personality - ditch digger - mail carrier - grown man - short pants - final fifty - fucking feet - slow motion - purple haze - spare parts - recycled cycle - round trip - extra mile - customer service - mutual attraction - earned respect - double tall - nonfat decaf - butcher baker - candlestick maker - two messengers - walk into - a bar - feeling fine - singing clementine - sweet adeline - yellow line - sobriety test - empty nest - neither here - nor there - mind meld - group think - black ink - press firmly - carbon copy - swamp ass - dog breath - pink eye - sore throat - sore loser - sore subject - chain reaction - highly contagious - eye contact - unused potential - mission creep - six feet - social distance - social drinking - social science - social work - social anxiety - social security - good luck - with that - single use - throw away - dental pick - chuck down - quality of - life issue - contact patch - pattern baldness - trend cycle - full contact - partial nudity - switch back - short cut - elasticity spent - spring sprung - cross threaded - potential energy - plumbers crack - dissimilar metals - sour puss - pumpkin patch - the look - peroxide platinum - green contacts - pancake makeup - collagen lips - silicone tits - fake authenticity - sincerely for - real really - intended meaning - actual meaning - two words - walk off - home run - the list - never ends

 


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cage match

October 11, 2022

 

 

 

 

it's in the P-I

 

 

the photos that ran with the article were pretty good. And there were many more on the P-I site for a while in 2008. 

 


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worcestershire sauce

October 10, 2022

 

There is no Bloody Mary continuum. It’s more of a continuous constant, an inert solid state. Anytime. Anywhere. As Bret in ABQ recently demonstrated,  with pilder cups that are still kicking 3.33 years later. 

 

word

 


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who is this guy?

October 8, 2022

 

Not knowing, makes him a little more interesting to me. I appreciate the technique of those in the know, placing the stickers around campus, on signs and poles and random places. 

If you told me he’s kind of a big deal in molecular engineering or mechanical engineering or electrical engineering I’m not sure that would change things for me. What if he’s a good guy? What if he’s a bad guy?  What if he’s a Canadian Studies professor?

Maybe I like the sticker, my idea of “sticker” more than the intent behind these stickers. Maybe I don’t really want to know who this guy is. 

 


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evaporation convection precipitation collection

October 6, 2022

Zurn makes an eco-friendly low-flow urinal called “the pint” It’s printed right on top of the spud. 0.125 gallons per flush, you know, 16 ounces, a pint. This would be appropriate in the men’s room at your local watering hole when you’re returning a couple pints to the water cycle: Evaporation, Convection, Precipitation and Collection. Beer is mostly water and nobody really owns beer, they only rent it for a while. 

From a building management perspective The Pint is great. Saving tons of water over the course of a year in a public restroom, which is where I first spotted The Pint in the 98195. A good old traditional urinal uses a full gallon per flush. From a pisser’s point of view, The Pint is cute and talking the eco-friendly talk sounds good. But a 16 ounce flush is lame. It’s weak and unsatisfying, leaving me wanting more.

Flush twice, it's a long way to South Lake Union. 

 


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well, I'll go to college and I'll learn some big words and I'll talk real loud goddamn right I'll be heard *

October 5, 2022

As classes resumed at that large university on the Montlake Cut…   …30,000 undergraduates returned to campus. I like to visualize 30,000 people as the entire population of Walla Walla. I also like to picture them all plugging in their dorm fridges simultaneously, causing a tangible – visible spike on the utility grid. However, before they can plug in, they need to order their fridges from Amazon and wait a few days for some poor sucker to schlepp them those final fifty fucking feet to the mail room. In the past couple weeks, I got to move these refrigerators (I got to move these color TVs)

 

The packaging for this retro mini Frigidaire features a ghost bike in the vignette portrayed on the side. I can almost hear the designers and photographers sitting around a virtual conference room table discussing the look they’re going for here: an interior shot of an imaginary apartment or dorm room. The bike to them is just an accessory to the intended look & feel. They “ghosted” it for their purposes. But to me it’s a ghost bike and I had to double take and pause for a moment because I take ghost bikes seriously. I’ve seen too many of them on the streets of Seattle, but that’s another story.  

 

When competing for consumers’ attention, gaining a split second pause is effective marketing. A double take is a win. Getting a gut feeling out of a potential buyer is gold. I guess that’s what the ghost bike did for me. In addition, my grandmother had a full size fridge like this, with the pull handle, the real thing that this retro is throwing back to, which gives me some sort of appreciation. The built-in bottle opener is also a plus.  I’m not in the market for a minifridge, but this marketing got my attention both before and after I  schlepped it across campus. 

 

 




 

 

* “Bankrupt on Selling” -Modest Mouse

 

 


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book du jour

October 4, 2022

check it out

it's unlike anything you're reading

sincerely for real

really


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the other one less traveled by

October 3, 2022

I came to a fork in the road and kinda sorta like Robert Frost, I guess I took the one less traveled by when I picked up that fucked up fork and put it in my back pocket and that has made all the difference  

 

Two years later that fork has a new spot on the wall among some amazing artwork 

 


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residential towers up to 320 feet

October 3, 2022

Last time I stopped to smell the roses (smell = drink and roses = tall can) and looked up and around, these two unsightly residential towers were still just holes in the ground. Now they’re rising up like rectilinear poster children of the revised U-district zoning laws to dominate the sky, foreshadowing thousands of new young residents ordering thousands of new packages from amazon. Goddamn kids  get off my lawn.  

 


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