what was that? is that all there is? who is this? this is it.

pilderwasser unlimited T-shirts  pilder what? kickstand P know knew spew snap shots autoBIKEography RAGBRAI  slide shows phot-o-rama stationary-a-gogo 1/2 x 3/32 links

hacksaw fender struts in situ

August 31, 2020

Pigboy lives on.  Not just on that patch sewn on to my new hat. On bikes. On Ferdinand Street. On Hudson Street. On your street and on my street too. On bikes that kids learn to ride. On bikes that kids learn to fix and then teach other kids how to fix them too.  On bikes that no longer suit their owners so they get refurbished and get new homes. On bikes that stay out of the landfill and stay on the road. Pigboy was phased out and replaced by a logo for the twenty first century. But Pigboy rocks on.  Ride on. 

Hacksawing fender struts in situ in flip flops in the garage in the late August afternoon. I smile as I hear Alor’s voice telling me  “putting my front fender back on so early is like admitting defeat”

  

Here’s to Alor

Fuckin A+

Alor wouldn't put on a front fender ever. Even if it was physically possible. He might clip on a rear fender but only after weeks and weeks of heavy rain in the deepest darkest stretches of winter. 

Here’s to Alor and here’s to Pigboy and here’s to bikes and home cooked maintenance and repair. 

Four of my six bikes are from Bike Works. That’s 66.6%. Two of them have fenders and two don’t. Two of them are single speed. The other two feature 21 speeds and thumb shifters. One of them is hanging in a barn somewhere in Iowa and I hope to see it again someday. Junior Junior rides a Bike Works bike as does my old lady.  Junior is signed up for Earn-A-Bike classes whenever those come back. Junior and Junior Junior have been riding a little orange cargo bike as well but it’s about to be re-donated for another-other family to enjoy. All this could be explained easier with a Venn diagram. 

Bike Works kicks ass and not just because I used to work there. I volunteered there too back in the day when Pigboy opened up the yellow house on Ferdinand Street as The Free Ride Zone. 

Here’s to Bike Works and pulling through this global pandemic.

 

 


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hose clamped milk crate douche bags expecting respect from bungee corded pickle bucket Dexter Avenue warriors

August 29, 2020

 

elegant simplicity

or not

hose clamp

duct tape

pvc pipe

parallel push

plastic laminate

purple turtle

pattern baldness

personal hygiene

noxious weed 

control board

civilian clothing

hearing examiner

rad power 

dumb ass

electric assist

learned helplessness

ogden murphy

legal secretary

cinelli stem

shimmed out

brown bag

swipe left

quiet determination

mask emoji

iced coffee

sad eyes

surface area

trapezoidal prism

pleated front

khaki pants

whiter teeth

fresh breath

polarized lenses

new light

photo ID

ballpoint pen

notary public

sun rise 

husky stadium

peanut butter

jelly time

same time

different day

rainier vista

cigarette butt

goose shit

misdirected energy

hiding in 

plain sight

wrong tree

barking up

common denominator

insert variable

plug    chug

intents purposes

intense porpoises

pitch    roll

yaw this

oscillation about

vertical axis

controlled demolition

best estimate

round up

ball park

77 percent

isopropyl alcohol

standard solution

dry skin

graduated cylinder 

erlenmeyer flask

box wine

ice cubes

multimodal commute

round trip 

circle complete

 


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Le Tour

August 27, 2020

reenactment circa 2013

stage 15 of Tour 2003  

 

 

 


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3 for the road

August 26, 2020

and she was

August 25, 2020

she was like that with everybody

and she probably still is

but I haven't seen her for a while

 

if this photo was a human

she'd be starting 9th grade soon

virtually from a distance on line

 

if that bike was a human

she'd be a 40 year old

recently divorced mother of two


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Brian's Bianchi before bro

August 23, 2020

This is Brian’s Bianchi Sport SX with an understated Miami Vice color scheme made in Japan. The other Thursday he pulled it out of the crawl space at his house and asked if I could work on it and I said yes I could. Then another other Thursday he dropped it off in my garage and my mind went immediately to thumb shifters and big tires. 

Yesterday I dug into it and ditched the whole cockpit, the saddle, the pedals, the chainrings and all the cables and housing. I put on a pair of el diablos and dug out some 700 x 32 touring tires. I got as far as putting the front wheel back in with a big tire and it wouldn’t even fit under the fork uninflated. So I backed off that tire plan and stuck with the skinny tires and left the lone little rear fender alone because it’s there. I also replaced the jerry-rigged quick release with a legit seatpost binder bolt. 

If I hadn’t just recently worked on a Benotto for a friend I would've had plenty of parts on hand to complete this little transformation and his bike would look more like this bike. I gave some thought to buying a few parts at Bike Works (thumb shifters, platform pedals, chain and this and that) but because of a little global pandemic one can no longer stroll in and rummage through milkcrates full of awesome used parts. And there is not enough time in the world to create an on-line store that could replicate that experience. 

I tossed the 52 - 42 biopace chainrings and put on a 41t Rocket ring which is designed to dance on a 110 as well as a 130 bcd. Whatever it takes, it’ll take. 

In a dream world where the price was no object I would’ve changed the cranks and put on a moderate triple set up and changed the cassette to a weekend warrior gear range. Setting off a sequence of events involving a mtb rear derailleur and different front derailleur as well with some serious swing. If I went down that road I’d replace the chain and the bottom bracket as well. Not because I give a shit about Q factor, I would just need the cranks to clear the chainstays.  

But I’m not in that dream world. When the big tire swap fell though I decided to challenge myself to complete this job without leaving the garage. A complete ISRU (in situ resource utilization) only using parts on hand and spending zero dollars. No on-line order forms, no QR codes, no credit cards, no contactless delivery or appointments for pick up, no 14 day waiting period, no bullshit. 

I took off the el diablos and put the rear downtube shifter back on. It's a less than ideal set up but this retrofit shifted to a KISS-ISRU. This old school reach down makes the rider take shifting seriously and each of those seven cogs will be appreciated. Or not. Maybe he’ll just leave it in one gear 99% of the time. I visualize Brian cruising around on this thing keeping up with his kids in a more comfortable riding position and spending zero dollars on the deal. Maybe just a few beers. 

I would like to draw your attention of course to the Profile Design cupholder as well as the Ritchey Force stem shimmed out with a Rainier tall can around an Albatross knock-off handlebar. I left just a sliver of red & white visible next to the 26.0 clamp diameter to let you know that I know that you know that I shimmed it with a beer can. Brian likes beer. 

 


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Michael Dukakis

August 21, 2020

i have some vague recollection of Carter-Mondale vs Reagan-Bush but the first time i voted i voted for Dukakis and if you're not sure what year that was maybe this will help

if you're still not sure what year that was maybe i need to see your ID

in this year we're in now i encourage you to vote

i know now what i knew then

but i didn't know then 

what i know now

 

 

 --repeat 

 


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one half has the symptom the other has the cure

August 20, 2020

It’s a fine line. But not in some weak Steve Winwood way. No split decision shit. It’s closer to a split personality thing. I’ve always found interesting similarities and very subtle differences between crazy and genius. Like the nonstop nonsense monolog of the so called crazy lady at the bus stop versus the endless ramblings of the so called PhD lady on the light rail.  An expert in the field taken out of context is just another weirdo spouting gibberish mumbo jumbo jibber jabber. Whatever. From the electric assist bathtub I’m rolling around in I have an interesting view of the ivory tower and cardkey access to the basement. 

 


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some sand in your sandwich

August 18, 2020

take the elevator to the mezzanine

August 17, 2020

Variation on a theme. Same old shit. Monday looks a lot like Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday and then Saturday came around like Kurt Vile said. The process proceeds procedurally punctuated only by Hallmark Holidays. It’s OK. Proceed.  Keep an eye on the clock. Please make a note of it. Time management pays off in the NFL playoffs. It also pays off in the end of that dream where you can’t find your hotel room on the first floor because it's actually on the mezzanine and the basement is not the ground floor, it’s the basement. chump, change, and it's on, super bon bon. super bon bon. super bon bon. They invented time so they could sell more breakfast cereal. It’s a new interpretation of traditional materials. A slightly different vantage point. Is it a laser focus parabolic point of view or just a funhouse mirror? You’re making us all look bad, she said.  You’re making yourself look pretty bad, Cory replied. Parallel lines hurtling through space unimpeded by gravity maintaining their distance consistently constant. Constantly consistent. Clockwork like. Orange you glad I didn’t say unprecedented. Repeat as needed. Reapply after swimming. To be continued continuously.  

 


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talk about the weather, should we

August 14, 2020

Hello, I saw you, I know you, I knew you
I think I can remember your name, name
Hello, I'm sorry, I lost myself
I think I thought you were someone else
 
Should we talk about the weather? (hi, hi, hi)
Should we talk about the government? (hi, hi, hi, hi)

Hello, how are you, I know you, I knew you
I think I can remember your name, name
Hello, I'm sorry, I lost myself
I think I thought you were someone else
 
Should we talk about the weather? (hi, hi, hi)
Should we talk about the government? (hi, hi, hi, hi)

Hello, my friend, are you visible today?
You know I never knew that it could be so strange, strange
Hello, I'm sorry, I lost myself
I think I thought you were someone else
 
Should we talk about the weather? (hi, hi, hi)
Should we talk about the government? (hi, hi, hi, hi)
 
 
---Pop Song 89   REM

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beef jerky face

August 14, 2020

photo Shaggy from Westside 2009

words below from Shaggy 2020

 

 

Mark-

You won't get many of the references, and you might get bored and stop reading, but as a the craftiest wordsmith I know, I thought you might enjoy this toast to my old company and roast of my old boss.

I sang it to 7 messenger lifers at a socially distanced croquet match this weekend. Sung to the tune of 'We didn't start the fire'.

And Cheers. 



WE ARE RETIRED BIKERS

Time to spit some history
Bout a little company
Dates to Juana’s crackhead days
A place aptly named Breakaway

Around for 20 some odd years
Started in a basement drear
4 leaders start the co.
Red,Orange, Green and Gold.
Money slowly starts to flow
Moved upstairs with a room to grow
First bags were Timbuk2
Then came Chrome, both tan and blue-

SHARPIE and his sparkle bag
10 from Dank and then came Shag
LASTLY SHAGGY HAD TO HATE
ON THE BAGS THAT CAME FROM FREIGHT!

CHORUS
(We are retired bikers
Kept the pedals turning despite our low earnings
We are retired bikers
We were fit and thriving now we’re fat and driving )

Standby on the steamers stoop,
Prescription Center, one big loop,
time to go and wake up Chrome: he’s on lunch drunk and still at home.

Twelve pack in the foxhole, van trip to the stupor bowl, brown town, foot down, yellow's appetite.
Hot bob, gravy train, wind up balsam aeroplanes, plum thumb, bum terds,
breakaway nights.

Gold takes a buyout, Red’s third share dies out Red says 'Orange, it's him or me'
Orange says ‘Red, I'm so sorry'

Four leaders is cut in half-luckily they've added staff, Sunday polo on the grass, Giant boil on Blew’s ass!

WE SPREAD THAT GAME FAR AND WIDE, always been a point of pride, Sent that spike through Harg’s hand- ER visit wasn’t planned!

CHORUS
(We are retired bikers
Kept the pedals turning despite our low earnings)
(We are retired bikers
We were fit and thriving now we’re fat and driving.)

Orange says ‘I'm outta here’,
Green goes hippy profit share:
‘Ten percent for each of you: Jade and Chrome and Grey and Blew.’

Base was an evolving place, with signed tags like BEEF JERKY FACE,
Dailys found in stacks and stacks, warm beer from Racks Full of Snacks.

Post-It note collection, Craigslist missed connections. Tan leader’s graffiti wall - mallet bowling, Foosball.
10-9, 10-4, if you’re 10-7 close the door.
BK broiler, fish tank, blue/grey jerseys fucking stank. Mushrooms at the MMI. STS thorns in our side.

CHAUNCEY in the urinal, Schlitz Park Crit a ritual; ‘142’ get over here we love your style now drink this beer!

CHORUS
(We are retired bikers
Kept the pedals turning despite our low earnings
We are retired bikers
We were fit and thriving now we’re fat and driving )

Skid comp down MLK, double rainbow all the way! Dirty wins and losses, Tuesday’s with no bosses. 3 wheeler, squishy, xtracycle, stiffy.
surly baked bean, money makin’ fifteen.
80 dollar cheesecake, guaranteed to go to waste. Tin of nuts,Von munz cards, Green’s mom sure knows how to bake!!

Skywalker, 815, that Australian guy named Guy-Navy made the girls all cry on dispatch while getting high.

Maple fast as fuck-don’t forget Augie Sucks!
Blew dropped a tabletop, Jade’s arrested by the cops.
TRACK BIKES HAD A LEARNING CURVE, into traffic Pink did swerve. DON’T YOU SWEAR ON THE AIR-THAT’S A SIXER IF YOU DARE!!

CHORUS
(We are retired bikers
Kept the pedals turning despite our low earnings)
(We are retired bikers
We were fit and thriving now we’re fat and driving )

Notice of Eviction, Epic base destruction,
Tags were laying everywhere, is that CO2 that’s in my hair?
Moved across the alley and into the Chalet.
Got kicked out, no one cared-no one loved
It anyway.

As for the guy we know as Green-
Featured Mogul INFO Magazine

8th grade education, practiced exaggeration.
Coulda sold the company
But then he’d be an employee
They offered him a quarter mil-
He turned it down-he’s hippy, still!

10-9 THE CATCHPHRASE
HANDYCAM A FUN PHASE
LIKES HIS DRUGS AND TIME AWAY
From the grinding day to day!

CHORUS
(We are retired bikers
Kept the pedals turning despite our low earnings
We are retired bikers
We were fit and thriving now we’re fat and driving )

Kilbourn bridge took out his knee
Broken collarbones-at least three?

And of course the worst of all
Put him into critical
Biker vs ladder
Wallet just got fatter

Yellow the first on the scene-by then he’s an EMT. Rushed him into surgery, traumatic brain injury.

DISPATCH ROYALE WHEN engaged-
Now more prone to fits of rage.
he always had a giant head-
Add a swelling brain-he’s almost dead!!!

CHORUS
(We are retired bikers
Kept the pedals turning despite our low earnings)
(We are retired bikers
We were fit and thriving now we’re fat and driving)


In the end he gave away
This home we all called Breakaway
He loved it so he set it free, this historic little LLC.
Biden says he’ll Build Back Better
By God he will, as will Cheddar.
Who knows what the future holds-don’t look now we’re getting old.
But even if it’s a fucking mess-
the universe still answers yes!
So keep that giant head held high-
You’re a twice-proven successful guy.

Your summer of fun’s a total loss,
but we’re lucky to have called you boss.

WE ALL OWE YOU SOME GRATITUDE
So we’d all like to say thank you, dude.
Have fun while the money lasts!
BREAKAWAY WAS A GODDAMN BLAST!

CHORUS

We are retired bikers, kept the pedals turning despite our low earnings
We are retired bikers, We were fit and thriving now we’re fat and driving
We are retired bikers, kept the pedals turning despite our low earnings
We are retired bikers, We were fit and thriving now we’re fat and driving....
(End)


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Tugboat & the chimeric twin

August 13, 2020

7005

August 11, 2020

The Roadmaster Bikes brand name has been around since 1936 through various ownership and iterations. But for the past 20 years or so they’ve been a piece-of-shit Walmart bike brand. As those in-the-know know a roadmaster is also a cute name for a 24oz can of beer and when I was your age you could pick one up anywhere for a buck & change. When one wasn’t enough but six was too many a roadmaster did the trick. This nostalgia is the only reason I’ve given Roadmaster bikes a second look. I mean a look longer than two seconds. I mean a look longer than a Motiv or Pacific before tossing them into the dumpster literally at Bike Works and figuratively in my bike brain. I did snag this bottle cage back in the day and with a slight hacksaw modification it now does the trick  smoothing transitions along the coffee-beer continuum. Not nearly as well as my beloved Profile Design but the roadmaster nostalgia makes me smile. 

 

Climate Pledge my ass. Keeping that frown upside down makes me smile. 

 

Yesterday morning I watched a woman remove her helmet while riding and run her fingers through her hair to ride sans-helmet for the final few blocks into her place of work. This reminded me of Tour stages when the UCI allowed racers to chuck their helmets for the final 5 or 10k on mountain top finishes. Not that that has much to do with repairing cracked 7005 frames. But it made me smile. 

 


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am i right?

August 11, 2020

it’s the same on the weekends as the rest of the days     am i right?    am i what i am?    am i awake?   living the dream    everyday     never had a bad day     they say     how was your day?     how was your weekend?     big plans for the weekend?     everybody’s working for the weekend   remotely    like from home or from their second home   or   wherever     whatever    right?   they’ll be fine      they’re fine     but what about?    wait     what?     what day is it?     i don’t know    why?    she swallowed the fly     can you believe this horseshit?    can you spare    some change     must come   some change must come         change must come    from within   am i right?   am i awake?   am i what i am?

 


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brand recognition

August 10, 2020

consumer loyalty

habitrails

inertia 

 

weighs heavy

change of scenery

fresh air

 

not Terry Gross

no bueno bro

I got a sharrow

 


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pedestrian at best

August 4, 2020

provided by management 

for your protection

 

first pull up

then pull down 

 

uninvited guests

invasive species

 

wealthy white women walking

designer dogs off-leash 

 

mean mugging me

I’m walkin here 

 

they’re working from home

or not           either way    

 

no worries 

their money rolls in 

 

now it’s easy to see 

2020

 

what’s been there all along

disparity

 

 

 

 

this   that   the other

why even bother

courtney barnett


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