just yesterday morning...rolling the Burke Gilman at 7:13am a few blocks from work and I heard a booming "pilderwasser" so I stopped and turned around in a RAGBRAI flashback and there was Ian. I knew Ian as pickle-roll-yerba-mate-pickle-juice & rum across Iowa long before I knew what Bicycle Benefits were but now I see him in random places at random times in this time zone for a few minutes every few years or so.
there is no fucking evite but this is an electronic reminder and please note the start time may have changed since you got your paper invitation in the mail two months ago and because I still see things in a hard copy way a printed paper cut & paste like scissors and glue way and a how will it look photocopied seventy five times way I’d like to think I could print this out and put it in an envelope and have a messenger deliver it or I could just fax it to you.
The dream is always the same... (I cannot string those words together without noting the Risky Business dream sequence)... I’m walking out of the Henry and it’s 10:23am the gallery isn’t open yet but City Grind is and in my left hand I’m holding a cup of coffee and brown bag containing two small breakfast burritos at the same time on my right index finger I’m twirling my bike keys on a AHTBM key leash much like a bored lifeguard home from college for the summer twirling his whistle on a lanyard endlessly as I ford the passing period river of undergraduates flowing to and fro I stutter step and the keys go flying off my finger on a high arcing trajectory then everything goes into slow motion and the keys soon land deep in the bushes just past the Schmitz overpass.
this recentDANKbags photo brings to mind from deep in the photographic memory another second avenue bike lane shit photo bro from a simpler time when horses walked the streets, a 6-pack of tallboys was $5 and the bike lane ran in one direction
some day a real rain will come and wash the pollen off the rubber baby backup bumpers on the loading dock at Meany Hall until then little light sprinkles like bike to work day rains will just swirl the pollen soup creating small patterns on surfaces that remind one of a bigger picture out there
When I was your age they called it “Bike to Work Day” which in my mind translates as “honey can you pick me up after work because it might rain later day” But now they call it “Bike Everywhere Day” or something like that. Which brings me back to this red bike, the most piece of shit bike I’ve seen in a long time. If this is your bike please don’t take it personally really riding a bike, any bike is great and it beats driving or taking an uber or riding the bus and I hope to see the proud owner of this bike cruising across campus someday because as you can see they love their bike and lock it up with not only a u-lock but two cable locks too. I’ve seen a lot of bikes that suck and this one really really really sucks. I’ve pulled thousands of bikes out of tangled piles in donation dumpsters. I’ve seen some shit bikes but this is the cheapest possible cheap shit MSRP completely full of cost cutting measures right down to the straight seatpost the lack of bottle cage bolts and the bolt-on front hub the bottom bracket and the welded on fucking crap chainring. A bike like this retails for about $189 at walmart but it costs about $14.50 to produce in a factory in China, even less if you up your order to 10,000 units. The coaster brake allows the kid to putoff the look of a brakeless fixed gear which is hilarious because it’s so Fast Friday ago and this kid was in 1st grade back then. But in reality this bike is unsafe at any speed over 7mph. Parked on the bike rack at Atmospheric Sciences I just can’t stop staring at it and shaking my head because it’s such a piece of shit painted red as if dumping a gallon of febreeze in the alley behind the dumpster will mask the smell but it only makes the alley smell more like piss and shit and vomit with a hint of febreeze. For $189 you could buy a solid used bike at a place like Bike Works and ride it to work everyday for a long long time.
I prefer to take a holistic approach to my compartmentalization. This site has been up for 731 weeks or as I like to say 14 years. Since 2005 not much has changed here and not much will change. you cannot make this site mobile friendly or download the app or do whatever the kids are doing these days while they stare at their phones.
Some things however have changed out there on earth and they're growing like weeds.
little plastic wrappers on the little plastic straws on the little plastic juice pouches
May 6, 2019
recently I’ve been noticing piles and piles of spent toner cartridges stashed in the corners and closets within the seedy underbelly of the large education factory that I roll around most weekdays. But the other day I stayed at the house of a friend’s friend and in the morning had a convenient cup of coffee and since then I’ve been visualizing thousands of kiddie pools filled with cashed keurig k-cup pods in a seemingly endless variety. I know it’s just a drop in the bucket just a scratch on the surface of the tip of the iceberg of our insatiable appetite for shipping containers full of plastic shit from China. If in one weekend visit I burned through four of those cute little fucking pods pulling the spent one and chucking it in the garbage only to replace it with the promise of a fresh clean convenient pod… ...what if I stayed at the friend’s friend’s house and saved them up for one year in kiddie pools in their backyard? How about 5 years? Just one little tangible indicator of consumption. Like toner cartridges tossed aside by 80,000 students, faculty and staff. And they say we’re moving towards being a paperless society. Yeah right, and the fax machine will kill the bike messenger. Or how about how the fucking mountains of styrofoam coolers and packing material those guys at molecular engineering collect reminds me to remind you to ask those guys down at DANK bags about their 6-pack ring collection.
Don’t get me wrong I’m not claiming to be some kind of green guru environmental expert on recycling or something or anything or something I’m just noticing things. Ask me about disposable diapers and asswipes and how anything that says “flushable” is not even close to ok to flush. I drink a lot of coffee and sometimes I use a reusable cup. I drink a lot of beer so I have a kegerator but not because I’m worried about saving the earth. Finally, in closing, I ride a ride a bike but not for environmental reasons, it just makes sense.