what was that? is that all there is? who is this? this is it.

A few feet to the right of the crow-eats-peanut-off-campus-map-show there’s a handiramp outside the Atmospheric Sciences Geophysics building spitting distance from a blind corner obscured by shrubbery. Right around 8:29 am Monday through Friday, one dude freewheels down it and across Okanogan Lane to store his bike,  while another dude rolls up it to enter the ATG building. From my vantage point muttering to myself or talking with crows and schlepping packages I can hear each dude’s freewheel singing,  approaching from different directions and without looking at my watch I know it’s nearly 8:30. Although my watch always says 3:33 so it wouldn’t matter. 

Just yesterday morning…  …both dudes hit the handiramp at the same time and dude #2 says “watch it!” then dude #1 gives a long angry but silent questioning why-don’t-you-fucking-watch-it look over his shoulder as he keeps rolling. 

I continued muttering to myself and wondering how this could not be the first time these two dudes, who work in the same building, 50 fucking feet from each other, have had a close call. How could these two dudes not know each other? How can this be the first time this “almost” almost happened? Have they not talked about bikes before? Have they not discussed the merits of single speeds or the hype of Cannondales in the late 80’s? Have they not run into each other before? How can this be? 

Fast forward  23 hours, 59 minutes and 45 seconds to this morning in the midst of feeding my crow bro peanuts,  I hear dude #1’s freewheel and watch him for a moment to see where he stores his bike when half a moment later dude #2 hits the handiramp.  

I smile and momentarily ponder the worn out old story problem and the variation I drafted 12 years ago about two commuters meeting at the same spot plus or minus 10 seconds each weekday morning and the infinite number of variables that have to fall into place for these two seemingly unrelated sequences of events to coincide.  Insert here some math textbook references, asterisks and footnotes citing the Burke Gilman Effect which I also coined sometime in the last 27 years. But I’ve been there - done that and today’s story problem pondering didn’t last too long 

because of a unique package delivery, there was a subtle difference in the routing of my route this morning, but my crow bro caught on and seamlessly transitioned,  joining the route already in progress. He actually got a little touchy, some might say aggressive and followed me to Chemical Engineering. Flying low he slapped me on my left shoulder with a wing after I only offered up one peanut. We had a little chat and then I gave him a few more peanuts over at Atmospheric Sciences. 

Around about that same time Bret in ABQ was emailing me a digital copy of this Raven sign bounce passing it off a satellite orbiting earth and hitting my phone perfectly on the fly. The words it strings together speak to me on several levels and once again everything is coming together. 

perforate

perpetrate

punctuate

expectorate

masticate

regurgitate

prorate

precipitate

permeate

differentiate

orchestrate

hyperventilate

pontificate

guesstimate

hallucinate

procrastinate

exaggerate

complicate

manipulate

misallocate

appropriate

fabricate

amalgamate

generate

reciprocate

validate

captivate

deviate

levitate

pixelate

ruminate

nauseate

rehydrate

articulate

triangulate

exfoliate

interrogate

extrapolate

circumnavigate

the trajectory was clear

on the X - Y axis

the Z axis however

was lost on me

the Uber came to an abrupt halt then a passenger door flew open and a frat boy hopped out never looking up from his phone walking around the front of the car and then the Uber did a quick jaunt to the right and a full U-turn left 

whatever bro

variations on the theme 

play out in slow motion 

all around 

at all times 

on all days

get in line

pay your taxes

don’t ask questions

do me a favor

don't do me any favors

arbitrary goals  set

and      then      met

there’s no sense of accomplishment

no looking back to admire a day’s work

it’s a treadmill

stationary bike like

what’s next !?!

is that all there is? 

used to do a little

but a little wouldn’t do

so the little got more and more

trapped in a man-sized Skinner box pressing the lever with efficient frequency or frequent efficiency but the returns are clearly diminishing in a constant cost-benefit analysis. In the beginning the reward pellets were more sub sub sub substantial. It was as if they actually meant something

there is no reward for hard work

just as there is no penalty for being a gold bricking cherry picking total sack of shit 

ask me about sustainability

inflatable pools with unpatchable leaks leaching plasticky poofs of last summer’s last breath

spent toner cartridges packed up with postage-paid return labels if that makes you feel better thinking they’ll be recycled but they’re just on their way to a landfill in Eastern Washington

talking the talk sounds good on Earth Day

you’re all fucked  –The Replacements

it seems “tall drip” is written in sharpie on my forehead. The barista knows me and my coffee. A little further along the continuum and the forehead sharpie message reads “IPA” 

—OK google suck it out of my ass and save it on a server somewhere so you can sell it back to me later—

Cut & Paste the above statement into your browser a few times and take note  

same shit different bike

first stop in the morning

last stop last night

one more time around

round trip

cycle

    actual pilder's deli ad   circa 1960

Ask me about Cincinnati 

Ask me if I got a little schmaltz in me

Ask me about authenticity 

Ask me about emotional intelligence

Ask me about the font

Ask me about habitrails 

Ask me about economic indicators

Ask me about a consumer price index

Ask me about the price of beef

Ask me about the price of beer 

Ask me if inflation is really real

Ask me about wage stagnation

Ask me about the placebo effect

Ask me about the Doppler effect

Ask me about my weekend  

Ask me if I’m your Bucky

Ask me about Izod golf pants

Ask me if it’s raining

I can't say I've never spray painted a t-shirt

filling in the negative space with positively anything...masking tape, electrical tape, whatever it takes

but today was the first time I've tried to dance around an existing silkscreen with some spray paint and a stencil.

Calling the crow and raven cut-outs that Bret sent me "stencils" is an understatement. They're cut from steel and they're over the top as Bret has his finger on the button of the machine in the machine shop that can cut crows from steel.  

I'm seeing spraying crows all around with silkscreens added later

Another epic multimodal commute.  Satisfied to get a seat for my bike and myself. Texting my old lady an ETA when I get an email from Davey Oil saying “i’m looking at you” with this photo of me texting my old lady. Look up to see Davey standing 12 feet away. 

Once I received a text from Toothaker just like this, but he had already exited the train. 

Once or twice I’ve exchanged greetings with Professor 327 Dave, between the bike hooks, but we used verbal communication, as in spoken word.

this is the ONE LINE to Angle Lake

oh wait    (oh eight )

this is the ONE LINE to North Gate

Alarm will go off soon

All ALARMS ARE OFF

Alarm in 23 hours and 59 minutes

the next train

northbound

is arriving in

two minutes

same shit different...

 ...what day is it?