a quality of life issue

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petty details

March 31, 2019

between Robert Aldrich and Kenneth McCaffree that's me lost in the petty details of everyday living tuning in and out of long winded stories about something or other how your mom named you Carroll but you went by Chuck then you served on the Faculty Senate for six years until that incident ended your run zoned out like your Husky Card down to its last $2 when you entered the three digits for your bag of sriracha ranch potato skins and the bag jammed in the double corkscrew hanging by one fraction of one corner your card now down to $0.25 unable to purchase another bag to hopefully push out two you summoned help from a bystander to tilt the entire vending machine forward to March 31, 2019   


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accept bicycles

March 29, 2019

Most people size-up the situation as they approach the 4-way stop and they may or may not stop except chuffers on lime bikes that blow through full speed exploiting the forcefield that they believe enveloped them when they downloaded the app

 

John Forester encouraged transportation planners not to use the phrase “except bicycles”

 

Traffic was gridlock except bicycles flowed freely

 

There will be no parking provided except bicycle

 

Anytime an arterial in Seattle is redesigned it shall include bike lanes except 35th Ave NE

 

The link light rail was planned out 27 years ago with forethought for everything except bicycles

 

Seattle is a great place to ride a bike except in Rainier Beach

 


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product placement brand recognition

March 26, 2019

two bike messengers walk into a bar 25 years later but the bar is gone and in its place is a five story condo featuring street-level retail that includes vegan ice cream and organic pet food 


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boy on phone

March 24, 2019

in the early 90s I bought this little guy in the cake decoration section at Fountain Drug in Bellingham. His name is boy on phone and I like to think of him speaking not only on a land line but on a rotary phone in a simpler time that only exists in my phantom nostalgia syndrome memories.  

these days when I see everyone walking around staring at their phones and stepping into the street in front of busses, garbage trucks and cyclists I'm dumbfounded but I smile and think of boy on phone. 


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celery root 4585

March 22, 2019

dry mouth abated     xylitol

saliva flows again

 

not exactly a pavlovian response

it puts the lotion on its skin

 

heads you win

face value

 

on the flip side

tails you lose

 

they must have seen you coming

they’ll get you coming and going

 

red shift       blue shift

hi-vis is the new black

 

stacks & stacks

cracked plastic adirondack chairs

 

kiddie pools filled with

spent toner cartridges

 

there’s a special place in the brain for

addresses, suite numbers and hits from the 80s

 

random access memory

the plu # for celery root

 

ssiiiiiiiick     said Four-Six

long winded stories with no punch line

 

what’s the point

that’s the point

 


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solid state

March 20, 2019

I met the owner of this solid state Ross the other Monday and she calls it her "tank"

 

she's had it since 1982 and she'll probably still have it when all the local bike shops go out of business because the bike industry goes completely on-line direct-to-consumer-mail-order delivery via On-Trac independent contractors and bike repair will only be available from mobile bike shops 

 

the cool thing is she won't need much repair work done on this beauty in the next 30 years


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Happy Birthday to she

March 19, 2019

spring loaded

March 18, 2019

on the favoritism spectrum

March 15, 2019

do me a favor, don't do me any favors


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Count On It!

March 14, 2019

premium rush

March 12, 2019

i had a dream i was day dreaming near the bike rack in the tunnel at Two Union.  as i listened to the rain and stared into space one of the stodgy security guards in an ill-fitting blue blazer came out and said to me sternly "Sir, I need to move your bike, it's blocking the loading dock" but as he reached for the handlebars and braced for my over reaction,  i just chuckled because it wasn't my bike


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between bridges bro

March 11, 2019

follow your passion

March 8, 2019

would you rather drive a big vacuum truck around town and suck the shit out of honey buckets or work in the Lane Powell mail room

 

those are your only two choices

 

can't you smell that smell    no not that smell i'm talking about Lane Powell


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are you my jimmy john?

March 7, 2019

bike industry standard oat milk

March 6, 2019

to a simple time before amazon prime robot grocery stores and drones dropping your immediate gratification shit in the neighbor's yard a time of one inch threaded headsets when a pair of wrenches was all you needed and your dog was dropping his shit in the neighbor's yard because dogs roamed free and coke was 50 cents and coffee was a dollar and there were not 5 or 6 choices of what fucking kind of milk you want with your 142 boost and 5 or 6 hundred headsets to choose from in the qbp catalog  


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workings for the weekends

March 4, 2019

two colloquia walk into a bar

the bartender says, Are you fucking kidding me? 

the first colloquium says, I'm a frayed knot 

the second colloquium says, Why the long face? 

 

how was your weekend?

what'd you do this weekend?

got big plans for next weekend? 

 


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can't get there from here

March 1, 2019

two parallel lines wrap around a perfect cylinder coming back around the end becomes the beginning a commencement of sorts sort of rolling over to Albertsons for a free cookie only that's not Albertsons anymore it's a Metropolitan Market and they don't do the free cookie thing bro but the elegant simplicity of the formula to calculate the volume of that cylinder is like a stack of cookies

 


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