what was that? is that all there is? who is this? this is it.

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Tuesday is a licking day

February 28, 2020

pro tip: no pro tips


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the smell of freedom

February 27, 2020

The delivery guy saves the day again with a last minute rush directly to the conference room where another boring corporate meeting is in full swing. No need for a signature but he makes eye contact with a woman on the far side of room, smiles and walks back outside     free from the climate controlled artificial lighting and endless horseshit that office work entails.


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orange you glad I didn't say electric assist

February 26, 2020

Tuesday February 18, 2020        2:37pm 

Interested? 16” wheels

 

Last week I got a text from Steve at Bike Works that looked just like this.  That’s Steve’s shadow in the corner of the classic warehouse overhead door drive side bike portrait. My first thought was it looks cool but I wasn’t sure about the size and I already have enough bikes.  I was sitting on a beach in San Diego in a daze of sleep deprivation and sun exposure so I didn’t respond to the text right away. 

 

About 23.5 hours later I responded. 

 

Wednesday February 19, 2020     2:07pm

 

no thank you. But someone will love that thing. 

 

A week later I roll home from work and junior-junior shows me a picture on my old lady’s phone featuring him sitting on that bike in the Bike Works Warehouse. He tried it on for size when they dropped junior off for her Earn-a-Bike class. When they picked her up after class they also got the bike from Tina and now that thing is in my garage. All it needs is a flat fix and junior-junior will start shredding on it and practicing some rudimentary utility cycling toting stuffed animals from point to point and delivering rocks the final fifty fucking feet. 

 

It’s got a 16” rear wheel and two 12s up front. 

 

When we get it rolling outside I’ll send you a better photo.




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solar powered flowers

February 25, 2020

pink plastic pots of solar powered flowers

waving to me metronomically 

like animated selfie emojis 

 

everything that’s wrong in the world 

boiled down      reduced 

reproduced in an emoji 

 

Mark Arm said  you got it

Yeah,  you got it       so what?

Keep it outta my face  

 

I’m not angry. I’m disappointed. I once rode the train behind a woman who was staring at her phone the entire ride. Which is pretty normal I guess. But when I caught glimpses of the device I realized she was staring at herself through the lens of her phone. Poking at her hair and pooching her lips and who knows what else. For the entire train ride. 

 

For me this is the most annoying commuter behavior. Taking over the top spot from clipping-your-fingernails on the train. 

 

Good morning. How are you? How was your weekend? How about this weather? Hey can I borrow those fingernail clippers when you’re done? 

via GIPHY

 


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looking california

February 23, 2020

please take a moment to locate the exit nearest you

keep in mind     it may be behind you

 

 

is it raining? 


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left, right?

February 13, 2020

elevator music circa 2008

 

I held the door it’s true
that doesn’t mean I wanted to
have sex with you
But I do
I would
I will
We could
take the elevator to the penthouse
Personal service only
A pickup and delivery
 enveloping the entire package
Call when complete
 rush roundtrip notary signature
obtain exemplified copy of the order
get the complaint no exhibits
 
got no complaints

Are you a courier?
No  I’m a Gemini


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circadian rhythms jacked up

February 11, 2020

book review preview

February 6, 2020

I read his essay Exchange Rate in The Gettysburg Review and started to look for more and then I found his book

at my local independent bookstore I got the one and only copy they had when I snagged it off the to-be-shelved cart before they could shelve it alphabetically in the literary essay section 

your local library has ordered a copy but it's so new it hasn't even arrived yet

when I can read something at 6:15am while standing up with rain-soaked socks on a crowded train and it takes me to another place that's good. this Monson guy is good. when I say read I mean look at words printed on paper as in bound printed matter not on some electronic doo-dad device

 

you won't hear this song the same way after you read Exchange Rate


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full circle like a second hand

February 4, 2020

millions of people have never been to Spokane
commemorative shot glass Expo 74
matching purple plastic back scratching
ashtrays all around
one big bag of motion sickness
contents may have shifted during shipment
50% off full retail
exhale
variation on a theme
strip stripe striation
fake wood paneling squeegee
channeling Ouija board spirit conduit
follow the attention deficit expressway
seven miles south merge left
right on target focus
unbelievably petty conversation
pancake makeup thick foundation
hairspray lip gloss lotion perfume
empty promise   idle threat
talk talk shock & awe
attractive distraction appetite suppressants
prolonged boyhood adolescence
natural progression  billing cycle
praying to the landlord
racing the rent check
in a ‘71 Monte Carlo
drown it out or quiet the mind
the crack of a roadmaster
echoing off office plaza walls
clear skies clear conscience clear the board
full circle like a second hand
brand new to me lunch break
front brake stopping power Mathauser
heaping helping self control moderation
celebration inebriation light rail station
jackhammer jack mormon jack and the beanstalk
this little piggy went to market
where inflation continues to 165psi
change the subject      
aye aye
bread & circus dancing bear wild hair
smokestack flapjack unexpected heart attack
sleeveless shirt short skirt amazing flirt
the bailiff called    angry voicemail
her working copies smell like beer
landscape architect mechanical engineer
fear itself really nothing to fear
theorize brown eyes oxidize rust
battleship relationship building trust
repeated repeatedly forever
aftertaste precursor

 

 

 

 

the photo is 2019 the words are 2009


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rusty chains

February 3, 2020

It was a dark and stormy night, for 33 consecutive days… that picture is 5+ years old but it fits. Same bike different year. Different drivetrain, derailleurs, seat post, cranks, brakes, wheels and tires. But it’s the same bike. 

Rusty chains as in neglected drive trains not Johnny Cash google searches  or Soundgarden - Alice in Chains tributes. Ask me about the rust poking out on the chain on my commuter bike. The ultimate urban utility bike. The bike in the photo. The bike that only gets my attention when I ride it or put air in the tires and if and only if the drivetrain starts making noises it doesn’t usually make. Those noises that have something to do with 33 consecutive days of rain. 

 

Seattle bike messengers have 33 distinct words for rain (this isn’t actually true, but what if it was?) To the untrained ear they all sound the same. However with very subtle intonation, annunciation and pronunciation there are differences that experienced messengers communicate. Linguistics experts point to body language and hand gestures which add to meaning as does the context of the specific conversation. These cryptic conversations carry layers of meaning most people are completely oblivious to.  But they’re there with their camaraderie in the mix. 

 

The truth is, in the midst of 33 consecutive days of rain the last thing I want to talk about is the rain. Especially with some pasty undercooked umbrella toting office worker on an elevator. 

 

is it raining? 

 

Why the hell are we talking about the weather? Because I don’t think you’re an umbrella toting office worker and I’m not looking for safe conversation topics just to fill the air with idle chit chat. What day is it? This all started with my rusty chain. One of those days before yesterday I put some chain lube on it and was about to call it good when I noticed how much shit was on the rear wheel. So I started to wipe some of it off and discovered a broken spoke. I have no idea how or when it happened on my brief commute to or from the light rail station. Maybe it happened when I gently stuffed my bike into an on-demand bike locker to sit for 11 hours while I was at work. But anyway I twisted the old spoke out of the nipple after I broke it free with a spoke wrench and some pliers.  Then I found a close approximation sitting taped to 15 other spokes in a coffee can in the garage. No joke, a real live coffee can. I wrassled the new-old spoke into a 3-cross pattern and threaded it into the old nipple. All without even taking the wheel out of the dropouts. I felt like an Elliott Bay messenger on my coffee break on the sidewalk outside Elliott Bay bikes in the summer of 1997 wrassling a new spoke into the rear wheel of my bike, leaving the old nipple in situ and rolling back to work good-to-go in less than 12 minutes. No need for a truing stand or removal of the tire, tube, rim tape, nipple and the cassette just to thread the pristine new spoke into place. Ask me about uniform spoke tension. 

 


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