reaching out, touching me, touching you
June 30, 2010
the thriftstore bike repair manual
on page 53 warned me sternly
in a 7th grade shop teacher way
to “avoid creeping decay”
oh so subtle from day to day
over time adding up
until suddenly it seems
my bike sucks
normal wear and tear
just riding along
the rise & fall of the messenger bike
the decline of the foul-weather commuter
lean it against the wall at night
reach for it the next day
hoping that it’s good enough
to go again
this Wednesday morning at 7:59am
a Top-10 list of activities
I do not enjoy includes
bike maintenance
2 Comments | Add Comment | Permalink
Tonka Truck Tuesday
June 29, 2010
Grays Harbor County has seen a helium filled alien bovine influx
3 Comments | Add Comment | Permalink
1111 one more time
June 28, 2010
eleven eleven again one more time then again
cannot blame the dispatcher
he knows not what he says
he only repeats what he hears
cannot judge a day by its hangover
cannot judge a hangover until stuck on an elevator
with an over-perfumed office worker
0 Comments | Add Comment | Permalink
antidisestablishmentarianisms
June 27, 2010
too many unnecessary syllables
misdirected anger wasted energy
loading - unloading in the bike lane
that's life in the small city
a bit of blind faith is necessary
at uncontrolled intersections
default meets intention
things will work out
with or without
you
(photo by Craig Etheridge)
6 Comments | Add Comment | Permalink
Urban Street ---six years later
June 26, 2010
re-reprinted from kickstand #18 (May 2004)
because it's still true
and you probably lost your copy
right-click on the thumbnails to view images and read fine print
1 Comment | Add Comment | Permalink
out of service
June 25, 2010
I’ve been trying to work a little RAGBRAI into my daily life since back before I even knew I was doing it. Now that summer has finally arrived in the 98101 thoughts once again turn to the actual event, the inimitable rolling parade of 10,000 cyclists moving West to East across the state of Iowa. Not Idaho. Not Ohio. Iowa.
RAGBRAI is one of the places on earth where it’s OK to stare at beautiful women on bikes in spandex. It’s not only socially acceptable, it’s unavoidable. And these aren’t some stodgy Cascade Bike Club members layered-up and standing around chatting in a dark damp hangar at Magnusson Park, these are cyclists dressed for the heat of Iowa summers from all over the world riding as slow as they want to go to the next town, bar or beer garden. To the next church basement rhubarb pie sale. To the next campground. To the next carwash shower.
RAGBRAI is the only place on earth where I feel relatively comfortable standing around in a beer garden wearing only Castelli shorts with no cutoff Dickies or Carhartts over them.
It’s still June but I already feel like I’m missing out, because I am. Out of Service. This will be the first July since 2005 that I will not be along for the ride. However there will be a strong group of pilderwassers there, you’ll see.
Pillow Officer? Pisser Wasser? Pidlerwetter?
Only 13 months until the next next RAGBRAI
3 Comments | Add Comment | Permalink
it's all about the typeface
June 24, 2010
STOP and smell the Taylor Avenue
June 24, 2010
stop drop roll
head in
call 5 out
the clerical pool drain is clogged again
typically located deep within
the land of the receding hairline
where hair grows long
falling out hand in hand in
compensation comb-overs cover-ups
criminal defense attorneys
often dress like architects
set up to succeed or at least
make a clean getaway
elevator latte slurpers
teriyaki chicken smackers
starbucks cookie crumblers
surplus saliva suckers
let’s not do lunch
the smell of 1601 5th
so vanilla
so mediocre
so pedestrian
so disposable
so often indisposed
one witness remained undeposed
as Wednesday fades away
Thursday is another day
4 Comments | Add Comment | Permalink
there's that tree on Pike Street
June 23, 2010
I remember every photo I've ever taken, except one
0 Comments | Add Comment | Permalink
RCW 46.61.790
June 21, 2010
Blu photo
§ 46.61.790. Intoxicated bicyclists(1) A law enforcement officer may offer to transport a bicycle rider who appears to be under the influence of alcohol or any drug and who is walking or moving along or within the right-of-way of a public roadway, unless the bicycle rider is to be taken into protective custody under
RCW 70.96A.120 The law enforcement officer offering to transport an intoxicated bicycle rider under this section shall:
(a) Transport the intoxicated bicycle rider to a safe place; or
(b) Release the intoxicated bicycle rider to a competent person.
(2) The law enforcement officer shall not provide the assistance offered if the bicycle rider refuses to accept it. No suit or action may be commenced or prosecuted against the law enforcement officer, law enforcement agency, the state of Washington, or any political subdivision of the state for any act resulting from the refusal of the bicycle rider to accept this assistance.
(3) The law enforcement officer may impound the bicycle operated by an intoxicated bicycle rider if the officer determines that impoundment is necessary to reduce a threat to public safety, and there are no reasonable alternatives to impoundment. The bicyclist will be given a written notice of when and where the impounded bicycle may be reclaimed. The bicycle may be reclaimed by the bicycle rider when the bicycle rider no longer appears to be intoxicated, or by an individual who can establish ownership of the bicycle. The bicycle must be returned without payment of a fee. If the bicycle is not reclaimed within thirty days, it will be subject to sale or disposal consistent with agency procedures.
[2000 c 85 § 4.]
2 Comments | Add Comment | Permalink
bike rack is the new black
June 19, 2010
What’s ten bucks between friends?
What’s ten bucks an hour?
Ask Orcas Island
What’s a living wage in Seattle?
What’s the frequency Kenneth?
Ask me about my learned helplessness
Would you like soup, salad, fries or tots?
To break through you may need to
Piss outside the box
Ask Skunk
Best build it yourself
You won’t find it at Fred Meyer
2 Comments | Add Comment | Permalink
red herring cheesecake
June 18, 2010
Seattle has some clutch-popping hills
even while driving in bare feet
odds are on the other side of the street
full frontal nudity isn't what it used to be
it’s not about efficiency
it’s because I have to pee
the messenger bag appears to be empty
too clean too new too trying too hard
to look like not trying too hard
if I’m seeking a cheesecake-factory experience
then I go to the Cheesecake Factory
as imitation is the sincerest form of fakery
sincerely for real really
I have a well developed horseshit extractor
ask Vogel about the next chicken tractor
6 Comments | Add Comment | Permalink
downtube shifter boss
June 16, 2010
Insert downtube shifter bolt into non-drive side shin at full speed with force = mass x acceleration
Cherry Street at 7th Avenue is a hill steeper than most any in the Central Time Zone and to put it all in perspective I don’t ride for Metal Bikes
Are you OK?
One hour and twenty-two minutes ahead of the deadline but starting to shake the blood not yet dripping from the stigmata on each hand
I just need a stamp on the return copy and the messenger slip
embarrassment denial anger adrenaline pain
Dangling from the downtube shifter boss a clump of hair held together by an oh-so-thin piece of skin which moments ago was part of my shin
What we have here is a real choad checker a reminder that we’re all just one wet wood expansion joint away from you can have my job on a day like this One taxi driver away from are you talking to me One slick 3rd Avenue cheese grater away from fuck this One brief shining moment away from weighing the pros and cons and realizing that the pros have gone on a long winning streak but the cons sure can catch up quick
One way to take your mind off a slight headache is to smash your thumb with a hammer it helps to get priorities in order
1 Comment | Add Comment | Permalink
doppler effect
June 16, 2010
he said she said
and I said “copy that”
repeating as needed
40 hours per week
sometimes you want to go
where nobody knows you
work at Betts Patterson and
you’re on a coffee break
2 Comments | Add Comment | Permalink
hot ass
June 15, 2010
Hey check out the ass on that guy he's got a really hot ass I'd like to see his ass naked with his hot naked ass Hey check out her hot ass that chick's got a hot ass she's a red hot ass chick I want to touch it Hey check out the ass on that old man that’s one hot old man ass look at his ass his ass his old man ass Hey check out that dog's ass wow that dog's ass is hot that dog's got a hot dog ass I want to squeeze that dog's hot dog ass like a ball but a hot ball a hot ass ball Hey check out the ass on that bird how's a bird get a hot ass like that that's one hot ass bird ass I want to put that bird's hot ass in my mouth and swish it around and around and around Hey check out the ass on that bike damn that bike's ass it h-o-t you ever see a bike with an ass that hot I want to put my hot ass on that bike's hot ass and make a double hot ass bike ass Hey check out that building it's got a really really really hot ass and the doorman and the ladies in the information booth and the guy in the elevator got themselves a butt load of hot ass I want to wrap my arms around the whole hot ass building and squeeze myself right through its hot ass and out the other side I want to get me a hot ass piece of all 86 floors of hot hot hot hot ass!
1 Comment | Add Comment | Permalink
Onesie x 8 = eight onesies
June 13, 2010
After an ass-kicking kick ass house warming party the house is sufficiently warm and the silk screening of eight one-of-a-kind onesies this afternoon means that pilderwasser world headquarters is now officially open for business
6 Comments | Add Comment | Permalink
lost and found
June 13, 2010
1 keg (15.5 US gallons) of IPA
5 gallons of Sangria
assorted bottles of liquor, wine & beer
75 bratwurst
217 kabobs
homemade mac n cheese
1 half gallon of potato salad
1 fat can of baked beans
1 bushel of tortilla chips
1 huge apple pie
1 giant chocolate mousse cake
and all of it downed before the sun went down
Thanks for coming over
Thanks for the gifts
thanks
1 Comment | Add Comment | Permalink
cool ranch flavor peanut butter stuffed pretzel
June 11, 2010
I’m on an elevator I might lose you
Can you hear me now
Functional over ornamental
Borderline beautiful in a Bauhaus way
Barcelona chairs everywhere
Plastic stacking Adirondacks out back
Two blue Park Tool stools
Two for you is two for me too
My bike was pointed in that direction
So I got on and rode away
1 Comment | Add Comment | Permalink
Quick Release
June 10, 2010
I know a few messengers. I know a few messengers that drink beer. I know a few messengers that could kill a keg of High Life in 20 minutes. And I know a few messengers and bartenders that’ll slow just a bit chomping down a keg of IPA… Saturday.
Did you get the memo?
B
Backyard BBQ
Beer Bratwurst Bicycles
Bartenders Bike messengers Baristas
Badass Bumblebees
Blue Birthday Butterflies
Bring Your Own Bourbon
0 Comments | Add Comment | Permalink
206-352-3252
June 9, 2010
every picture tells a story
June 8, 2010
C Northcraft said it well
well see Northcraft he said it like this:
when a messenger realizes he's in possession of some over paid lawyers acknowledgement prize for a job well done, he wonders about his own self worth. where are his shiny trophies, his tokens of praise, and accolades for putting his neck on the line day in and day out in the service of the highly payed, highly praised legal counsel sitting in there high rise offices, sipping cappuccinos discussing there upcoming vacations to aruba. as he sits in the sun drinking a beer eating teriyaki he realizes where is prize is. his gold star is in moments like this. moments of freedom in the work day, moments to reflect and relax, moments to enjoy time with friends and pontificate about the bullshit of the rat race playing out all around him. most of all he realizes that his true reward is getting payed to do something he loves, riding his bicycle.
5 Comments | Add Comment | Permalink
Saturday
June 7, 2010
the Bike Snob book tour hits the UW Bookstore June 19 at 2:00pm
1 Comment | Add Comment | Permalink
if you lived here you'd be home by now
June 6, 2010
Olympic Law Group
signature round trip
keep track of wait time
it could take a while
3 Comments | Add Comment | Permalink
Camden Hall is not a dormitory
June 5, 2010
constant inconsistency
has been our policy
for over ten years
invert and multiply
shampoo and conditioner
heads or tails
making peanuts
add jelly to taste
aluminum can
warm busch light
residuals reside
at the base of the skull
avocado colorado
party pizza cheese
knife in toaster
fresh ground pepper
asbestos pajamas
thinly sliced panties
bunched up in your face
zeppelin II vending machine
sticky white rice
chopstick option
whole doughnut
donut hole
segregated cigarettes
congregated smokers
situated ashtrays
relegated bike racks
3 Comments | Add Comment | Permalink
visualize saddle on 27.2 seatpost
June 3, 2010
riding sans saddle sucks but
just like anything else
you get over it
you get used to it
you get good at it
***
Day Labor
A short film about bike messengers, day laborers and outsourcing
Starring This Guy
Directed by That Guy
Produced by Buzzard Industries
Tuesday June 8, 2010 7:00pm
Central Cinema
2 Comments | Add Comment | Permalink
Beer Tax Increase June 1st
June 1, 2010
Subscribed and sworn to me this first day of June 2010, a new beer tax went into effect in the State of Washington. As I am in and for the County of King residing in Seattle… the man tacks on an additional 50cent tax to each gallon of beer sold. Microbrews are exempt.
In the name of research and your best interests, I hit the streets this morning seeking out more information on price increases and what it all means to Joe Six-Pack, Joe Roadmaster and even Joe 18-pack of tallboys.
Keep in mind a US Gallon of beer is 128 ounces
An 18-pack of tallboys is 288 ounces
A standard 24-can case is 288 ounces
Matt Case is a Flyers fan
A pitcher of beer is 64 ounces
An unpaid lunch break is 30 minutes
A six-pack of tallboys is 96 ounces
A roadmaster is 24 ounces
This additional 50cent per gallon tax will bring in millions of dollars to the recession strapped budget short fallen Washington State economy. However it does not translate directly in ounces per dollar to the guy on the street. The shop owners, the mom n pops, the local bodegas are using it as a reason an excuse a justification and a rationalization to raise the prices 10, 25 even 75 cents per six pack. I don’t blame them. They’re hurting as much as anyone. And I'm prepared to dig deeper into the schmutz covered change at the bottom of my bag to complete the typical roadmaster transaction... $2.20 $2.21 whatever it takes.
In this economy it’s the man sticking it to Joe Six-Pack. Even though Joe Mercedes Benz could take care of this with a just a few cars bought and sold the usness of we decided to nickel and dime it out of the guys hanging outside of Bensons. Taxes on candy, bottled water and cigarettes are also up and up and up today.
Wages continue to stagnate as the cost of living rises like oil in the waters of the Gulf of Mexico.
They’re afraid to say it but like Carl Sagan said it’s Billions and Billions and Billions
7 Comments | Add Comment | Permalink
decent descent
June 1, 2010
it only smells like Monday
in there somewhere is a recurring theme
2 Comments | Add Comment | Permalink
