http://dankbags.net/
March 31, 2010
excise tax affidavits
March 30, 2010
Pulling up the blinds in the morning to peek outside for a personal weather prediction, sort of a gut-feeling forecast because the weather man is just a poorly trained actor who could be selling salad shooters or garden weasels as well as he sells the 5-day forecast.
Filling the view framed by the kitchen window is a $1.2 million house for sale. It’s been for sale for a couple years and the sign has read “Price Reduced!” for at least a year. Now it’s only $995,000 and zoned for commercial use.
Taking into account the location, the price, the recent trends in business and real estate as well as the number of trips I’ve personally taken to title insurance companies and the number of excise tax affidavits I’ve recently filed in King County, when compared to the numbers of yesteryear, the fact that this house has not sold is no surprise.
What gets my attention is the guy who has been living on the front porch of this house for the last several months. Each night after dark he sets up camp and each morning he packs up. As I make coffee and dread going to work for another 9 hour shift in the rain with my lovely coworkers. As I beat myself up over unused potential. As I read in the sports section about a feel-good bracket buster or Ben Rothlisberger. This guy, my neighbor across the street, is stashing his stuff in the bushes and getting set for another day of walking around town with his umbrella and brief case.
I see my neighbor every morning and he probably sees me too, in my relatively warm and luxurious apartment making coffee. But when I see my neighbor walking downtown, near the library or around Belltown, I wonder if he recognizes me.
Instead of feel for the day’s weather, I get a pit of my stomach feel for the local economy from which I could extrapolate and comment extensively on the bigger picture. However, this morning, like Bartleby, I prefer not to.
Is it raining?
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selling the sizzle as well as the steak T-shirts
March 29, 2010
half full cup of coffee half empty
March 28, 2010
In her right hand a double short Americano to go
in her left a handful of front brake
cruising coasting 23mph downhill tears welling up rolling down Second Avenue she weighs the pros and cons of potential evasive maneuvers around Jane Doe’s sudden stop to unload John Doe in the Benaroya bike lane visions of a buckaroo endo over the bars then over the passenger door with both feet clipped out cleanly ditching the bike and bending the fork but saving the cup of coffee smiling and talking to herself inside and out loud all this and more in an early morning first run of the day haze the fog of work worked over her eyeballs hazy foggy fuzzy faded so much so so it’s hard to tell where the weather stops and the hangover starts where the great night ends and the rough morning begins where her genetic makeup is just a setup for her family history to kick in where those rose colored glasses keep falling off her head and getting run over by a bus
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shoes with cleats or pedals with clips
March 28, 2010
registration is open for both of these epic events:
CMWC XVIII Guatemala September 2010
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give me a lever long enough
March 26, 2010
give me a 5mm allen wrench and a couple zip ties
and I can change the world
beer helps too
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head cheese
March 25, 2010
Attractive in a not my type way
Attractive in a friend’s mom way
Attractive in a I should look away way
Today is the day to hammer away at the same task and expect different results
The temp worker they sent over was distracting the attorneys so we had to trade her in for something frumpier
Bike racks shine in the sun buffed by thousands of butts but most likely the same few butts smoking butts a thousand times
The smell of eviction papers served cold in the morning
Sandwiches bigger than your head loose meat two for five
Completely plucked by 6:00pm
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non-drive side on your left
March 24, 2010
utility
March 23, 2010
Weekend warriors would perhaps view this bike as janky. But I know better. When form follows function fluidly even utility can be pretty, or at least attractive. There are a few people that can walk into a garage and walk out with a bike built-up from the scrap heap, Lee is one of those people. With just a few “new” bits he built this beauty. Fabricating and welding on the rear disk tabs and yoking together bike parts that normally would not speak to each other. Compatibility issues quashed.
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said it once before but it bears repeating
March 22, 2010
the image speaks for itself
a language barrier bunny hopped cleanly
standing alone it stands alone
words get in the way
interpretations do done did
anyway either way one way or another
by this with this under this
as seen in exhibit A see illustration diagram #2.1
no need to explain when explanation ruins it
seeking answers looking to the liaison
blurring the line between socially acceptable and
another open container citation
the movie sucks but the book kicks ass
you see what I mean
I smell what you’re getting at
the stink masked by perfume still stinks
out damn spot motherfucking goddamn spot
instead of walking downstairs
to get a screwdriver to fix it in 5 seconds
fumbling with it for 15 minutes
with a butter knife that is still on the window sill
crusty from the Christmas party
the shoes the moustache the haircut
undergraduate degrees matching accessories
it’s all the same to me
beat down
on the downbeat signified by a diagonal line
drawn through the square that is today on the calendar
crossed off before 3:00pm the highlight the ritual the ceremony
how was your day fine how was your day
a sophisticated filing system has evolved
refined over the years
it’s called a pile
and the things on top are easier to get to
from the side you can see
the stratigraphy as history is made
cheese and crackers
until the cheese is gone and then
it’s just crackers
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rise over run
March 21, 2010
the smell of CoolGuy Park
in the first day of Spring air
exposed skin in cut-offs cut off
somewhere near the midpoint
between Spring and Fall
between Tacoma and Everett
a symphony of interstate sounds
drowning out negative thoughts in
an amphitheater with not a bad seat
on a hill so steep
you can’t set your beer down
but lay it down just so rise over run
so it can’t fall over but it could roll down
like Milkshake full of beers
somersaulting away that Saturday in May
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carrying coal to Newcastle
March 20, 2010
I wasn’t quite sure
when it would be OK
to go psychosomatic all the way
until colorful advertising from the pharmaceutical company
made clear to me the symptoms the signs the side effects
then and only then was I able
to develop a full-blown malady
and of course seek medical attention immediately
only to schedule an appointment
two weeks from Tuesday when then
I could recount for the MD
exactly what was bothering me
referring repeatedly
to the ads in Us Weekly
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close your eyes and think of England
March 17, 2010
the greasy residue builds up over time
accumulating a bit more each day
of the week on months into years
until no one can remember
what it used to look like
no time-lapse photography or
public TV pseudo science series
documentary to recount the
progression of its regression
as each employee keeps current
their food handlers permit
in the long run it’s irrelevant
so give them what they want to hear
in an easily digestible USA Today way
a Horatio Alger story
working all the way up from poverty
however history likes to turn away from
the real Horatio Alger stories add to taste
comments from the peanut gallery
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Sex, Lies and Velox rim tape
March 15, 2010
Today is the day to
draw the line in the sand and
all the other detritus that collects in bike lanes
after ground-hogging it out day after day after day
repeating the same things over and over
and expecting different results it’s time
it’s time to work a little Rumberg
into the routine
b e c a u s e
it all pays
the same
it’s like looking to the calendar
for a reason or an excuse or permission
to drink beer
as if you need a Hallmark Holiday
to tell you when it’s OK
to sit in a bar
Happy Saint Amateur’s Day
if you seek out green beer once a year
you’re also likely to eat watered down
Mexican food and drink Corona with
a lime on the fifth day of May
you not you you
good luck with the green beer
or whatever you read in the Stranger
and be prepared to pay a cover
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Large Margin of Utility Cycling
March 14, 2010
CETMA cargo bike photo
Mark your calendar for March 27 (327) get the details here
a wrinkle in time kind of one of a kind to look for at the grocery store in 01420
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moving on
March 13, 2010
neo-retro velcro whack a mole on top of old smoky
in on the ground floor reinventing the wheel since
building a better mousetrap in 1991
esprit de corps is apparently outsourced and
obviously at an all time low so go fuck yourself
this year here this year hear we're here where
we point fingers to shift the blame pass the buck
too attention to detail my ass hurts on the weekends
from the rest of the days
three-man is a drinking game played with dice
or a messenger company paying hourly
what did you expect
working with just two men and a boy on lunch
the Hawthorne effect the placebo effect or whatever it is
I’ll take two of those for here and to go as well as some
Stockholm syndrome and you better bet the bar tape
matches the saddle and the carpet matches the drapes
the roadmaster is a cylinder too large to be enclosed
by carbon fiber this spring forward sprung out and over
extended like a poor binder clip choice over and over
really housed by 2:00 but pronounced slightly
different than housed by two real estate developers
really I saw it on YouTube so it must be true tofu
extra firm fresh spring roll hot and sour soup
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word
March 13, 2010
Congratulations to C. Forest
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the transition dance through repetition town
March 12, 2010
A couple of 60 degree days in February March
like little tickling teasers under the chin
before the punchline in the gut when weather
comes back to where it should be
like Kirk R Dungan said
it’s a nice day for a white winter
but an indian summer sounds better
meanwhile the guy with the camera that costs
more than you made in 2009 is
taking pictures of club-foot pigeons
as well as his wife pointing at the same
allover the sidewalk dance the transition dance
between vehicle and pedestrian
hop the curb accordingly off or on
what’s the problem officer
with a mouth full of peanut butter
a preemptive strike said Steve Younger
box 350 Boston MA 02134
send it to Zoom
jump
take the bull by the horns
take it to Two Union by 2:30
then do it again and again
another ride on the burn-out cycle
cruising through repetition town
you’ve been down this road before
more than once
no need to read the signs
you can feel it
copy? copy
the double-edged sword cuts both ways
but today it’s the wrong way
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a quality of life issue
March 11, 2010
Milkshake photo
one brief shining moment
a checkpoint on the long and winding road
that is the lifespan of a T-shirt
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gray skies are gonna clear up
March 10, 2010
99 44/100% sure
Blu skies smiling at me
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what would Scott Mathauser do?
March 9, 2010
in the absence of anything important
petty little details take on weight and
masquerade as meaningful
high-speed shimmy downhill squeal
eye watering gut punching choad checking
jibber jabber brake chatter Scott Mathauser
onto the real dog & pony show
straight from the can cold
over stale dry white rice cakes
robot-pimped all day everyday
pushed to the edge of the uncanny valley
four percentage points from full-on zombie
tweaked just off-center analog AM radio
what would Walla Walla Washington do
look to the alien bovine balloons
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...I won't do what you tell me
March 8, 2010
painted by numbers into a corner
square-pegged into a career for years
playing along playing the game
inside the lines well before deadlines
on time on schedule on the clock
by the book check the calendar
seven years went under the bridge then seven more
before Stella got her groove back up front
the son of derivative part two
keeps them coming back
the unmistakable scent
hotdog water wafting boiling over
burnt crust grilled cheese
bologna has a first name
extra ketchup on the side
from the side of the road
to the top of the toaster oven
it looks so much bigger out of context
what seems to be the problem
as plenty of symptoms show up
multiple zippers pulled up
stacked up on the Adam’s apple
layered up cold like tangy guacamole
recently expired in a grocery store deli
dip between the refried beans and sour cream
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Hobson's Choice
March 6, 2010
Today is the day I made an investment in your future by purchasing a fresh batch of American Apparel T-shirts in an attempt to single-handedly revive the economy. The rest is up to you. So tell two friends to tell two friends and then send money because consumer confidence is thawing out this spring sprouting up through the topsoil like a poppy.
mauve lapis grass poppy baby-blue gold sangria. These are the colors of your new favorite shirts in the morning, when we rise. Switched-up for the return customers that want something different in their dresser and not just another black bike shirt.
You and you and you can always use a new shirt because things wear out and sometimes you get shitwhistled and destroy your favorite shirt by stretching it over the head of Chief Seattle in the name of Matt Case.
checkout the t-shirt page
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kilograms per cubic meter (kg/m³)
March 5, 2010
"too much is never enough, it's always too much"
--Daniel E. Murray
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a time and place for white cable housing
March 4, 2010
a journey of 1000 miles begins with
it’s always the last place you look
that carrot on a string that keeps you going
day-old chicken salad sandwich hold the mayo
hold the chicken between your knees
hold it down keep it together or
let it break down into five easy pieces
expectations lowered back to sea level
expectorations return to street level
one loogie at a time
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forklift
March 3, 2010
it’s all over but the hangover
second-day socks expired
turned inside out and not quite right like
recycled bread sacks painted labels peeling
flaking off into lunches packed for loved ones
to enjoy six hours from now more or less
twist ties tied getting by
making do over due doo-doo
clear as a three dollar bill
standing by until I need to sit down
Two Union near the artificial waterfall
to the sound of falling water
and the smell of bleach too
easy to see the lack of efficiency
redundancy I have to pee
move to Monorail for more coffee
table rusty hose clamp clamped
around a shaky leg shake a leg
working copies to C-203 ASAP
fork lift and don’t forget to breathe
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disclosure of possible primary witnesses
March 2, 2010
take a second swipe at the first impression
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